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Original poster

To ask all guests to take shoes off in my house?

774 replies

chardonm · 24/08/2018 00:21

Just that really. A few people seem really put off by that.

My dear sil has to be reminded several times before she takes them off.

I hate the thought of trailing the dirt inside the house.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
AnxiousPeg · 27/08/2018 09:31

treacle

GrinGrinGrin

CharltonLido73 · 27/08/2018 09:34

Though I stick to dress codes at work and formal occasions - a black tie sort of party - I don't associate dress codes with less formal socialising. So being told what to wear/not to wear feels a bit off. More like being at school. 'These are the rules. I want you to keep to them' There's an imbalance of power, though of course social politeness dictates that you comply.

and:

There's also something very specific about being asked to remove clothing and I regard shoes as clothing. Your hosts are asking you to make yourself vulnerable and do something that may not feel natural or comfortable.

Absolutely agree! I think you have hit the nail on the head.

InertPotato · 27/08/2018 09:50

Oh give over. Using or not using the term "tea" denotes your "station" does it grin

Pretty sure it's a regional thing...

Naturally! So why does Maisy insist that we use 'tea' rather than 'dinner'? Wink

AnxiousPeg · 27/08/2018 10:10

I don't think she does insist we call it tea Confused

I think she was discussing the specfic term "dinner party " not the dinner bit.

Stonesoup18 · 27/08/2018 10:34

What annoys me is when I am expected to, and do, take my shoes off at my friend’s house and yet they don’t remove their shoes when they come here. Really irritates me!

RoseWhiteTips · 27/08/2018 10:41

disingedisingenuous

Lol. You should have used insincere!

RoseWhiteTips · 27/08/2018 10:43

The shoes off worriers are not superior. Who said THAT!?!

The polar opposite is the case.

Choco1234 · 27/08/2018 10:52

If you don't wear shoes in the house I think it's fine to not want others too, esp if you do have slippers (new if they prefer) to wear. And many will be wearing their own socks too.

Appreciate feet and socks may not be clean either - but can't be as bad as the grime picked up on shoes from roads footpaths etc! At least feet and socks get washed regularly!

RoseWhiteTips · 27/08/2018 10:54

We have proper wooden boards and the house is 17th Century so people have traipsed in and out for hundreds of years.
It’s rather a nice thought.

JennieLee · 27/08/2018 12:06

I have been pondering. Personally I don't tend to think about people coming into my home as a source of pollution, but I understand that some people are more inclined to think this way. Also if somebody very sick/with severe allergies/a compromised immune system lives with you a degree of vigilance is sensible.

But if the sickness, allergies, compromised immunity doesn't apply where is the line to be drawn.

Suppose I visit your home after a trip to the shops. I live in a city so a certain amount of microbes will have attached themselves not just to my feet, but my hands, face and clothing. I'll have queued at checkouts with a variety of strangers. Although it's reasonable to assume that at some point recently I'll have bathed and put on fresh clothes and washed my hands since then I may have been out and about.

In view of some people's anxiety about contamination, it would be quite logical for them to ask me not just to remove my shoes on entering their home but to go and take a shower and wash my hair. I would then step into a variety of clean, disinfected clothing - a variety would be provided to allow for guests of varying body shapes and sizes. I should not kiss anyone in the household or hug them or attempt to shake their hands. I should minimise all contact with any surfaces in the home. (Ideally I would sit in the same chair without moving.) Everything that I had - unavoidably - touched during my stay would either be sanitised or destroyed. Dispsosable cups plates and plastic forks would probably limit the possible risk caused by my visit.

A fun visit for all concerned!

Bluelady · 27/08/2018 12:12

😂

Ifailed · 27/08/2018 12:32

JennieLee The answer is to get all visitors to wear one of these. Of course, after use you dispose of it.

To ask all guests to take shoes off in my house?
FinallyHere · 27/08/2018 13:30

Curiously, I woke up this morning thinking about this thread.

We do shoes off in doors and leave it up to visitors what they do... don't remember anyone not taking off their shoes when they see the shoe rack the hall, tradespeople tend to have their own shoes covers, too, so its all good.

My question for those who do shoes on in the house, is, where do you keep your shoes? We keep shoes in the hall, and put them on on our way out. Where do you keep yours, is it by your bed?

LaurieMarlow · 27/08/2018 13:34

My question for those who do shoes on in the house, is, where do you keep your shoes?

We have a shoe rack at the bottom of the wardrobe.

inmyfeelings · 27/08/2018 13:34

The most refreshing thing ever was lately at a friends house my ds proceeded to take his muddy shoes off to which my friend told him 'oh no don't take your shoes off , my floor's filthy ' Grin

Artichoke18 · 27/08/2018 13:40

You couldn’t possibly keep all your shoes at the bottom of the stairs could you? I must have 50 pairs and I’m far from being a shoe lover.
What happens when a shoes off person marries a shoes on? This must cause more controversy than naming the kids...

SauvignonBlanche · 27/08/2018 13:43

My question for those who do shoes on in the house, is, where do you keep your shoes? My answer is on the shoe racks near the doors.

My question is - can the shoes-off brigade not understand that there are some who take their shoes off in their own home but do not feel comfortable doing so in other people’s homes and care enough about their guests’ comfort that they allow others to do what feels right for them?

Bluelady · 27/08/2018 13:48

My 80 odd pairs of shoes are kept in my bedroom, many of them in their boxes.

chewbacca83 · 27/08/2018 14:06

I prefer a shoes off policy. I work in a hospital and I live in a big city using the trams. I know what could be on the ground/hospital floor even if you cant see it. It makes my skin crawl to think of that being bought into my house. Its like carpet in bathrooms. You are going to get piss and God knows what on it and hoovering does not get that off. It's gross. People and animals piss on the street outside, they spit and puke. Bleugh. In my new house I'm going for wood/tiles/lino downstairs and a no shoes policy upstairs for the carpets. I have lots of friends and many visitors and no-one has ever complained.

LemonysSnicket · 27/08/2018 14:26

YANBU, I hate it when people leave their shoes on, it's so disrespectful to me and my floors. All the shoes are by the door, you can see them so why are you special

AnxiousPeg · 27/08/2018 14:45

RoseWhite Anyone else picking up on my typo - fine. You, however Grin

You know you're the queen of typos, right?

MissP103 · 27/08/2018 14:48

I would find it extremely rude to ask anyone to take off their shoes. Floors can be mopped up and cleaned , so why make anyone uncomfortable. I have really dry skin and as much as I take care of it, I feel really uncomfortable with my feet exposed. Especially if its freezing in someone's home.

MaisyPops · 27/08/2018 14:57

AnxiousPeg
I must admit, i mentally make a note to ignore anyone who resorts to picking up typos etc in discussions. I take it as a sign they have little to offer anymore.
has nothing to do with the fact I have such fat fingers that even my autocorrect is absolutely fucked, will autocorrect to the wrong versions & I'm too incompetebt to reset the predictive text/autocorrevt

MaisyPops · 27/08/2018 15:05

I think she was discussing the specfic term "dinnerparty" not the dinner bit
This ^^

A dinner party to me is more formal, appropriate glasses laid out for respective drinks, fancy menu, correct courses, fully dressed table, people in more dressy cocktail attire (much like the outfits alluded to on this thread where women have obviously picked the right shoes to feel good in their outfit). Clearly this the type of socialising some people do regularly.

We have red wine, white wine, bubbly glasses. If we were having a dinner party then the table would be set appropriately. We'd probably make little nibbles for before with drinks and it would be a full 3 course meal with cheese after (because I bloody love the stuff and it shouldn't be instead of a pudding but that's another issue).

Otherwise it's just having friends round for tea, in which case calling it a dinner party is just talking up a fairly standard social occasion (and in our circles at least, not the sort of occasion where anyone would be worrying about planning the correct shoes to make their legs look nice).

AnxiousPeg · 27/08/2018 15:57

Jennie
But the problem with the "how far do you take it" argument is that it can easily be used right back at you. So, you're going to get bacteria on you one way or another - so why bother showering at all? Why bother washing your hands after the loo? Where do you draw the line. It's easy to see where some of us draw the line - at shoes on the carpet!

It is annoying when you're made to feel less hygienic than others, so I can see why so many posters are so defensive. The old "But posh people are skanky too so I'm better than you" is rather predictable! But the showing off on this thread is cringy - "Well, my floor is antique and very hardwearing"... "Oh, well, I have 85 pairs of shoes, each in its own climate-controlled box." Grow up!! No one cares!

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