To ask all guests to take shoes off in my house?

[chardonm]

Just that really. A few people seem really put off by that.

My dear sil has to be reminded several times before she takes them off.

I hate the thought of trailing the dirt inside the house.

@Bluelady yeah you think so. Sorry but as a former retail worker I know that often there are no not tried on left or no one knows which were or weren't tried on. The fact they come from stockroom doesn't mean no one tried them on yet. They are just well restuffed. There is actually a training for these things. I get shoes to try on from the back all the time due to my size. Staff is just playing along with you... That's it.
Sorry.

@DemocracyDiesInDarkness there might be a reason behind her absolutely no shoe policy.

Tbh if anyone refused to visit me because of that I wouldn't consider inviting them again. Our reactions to dust is not worth it. I don't even have carpets anywhere and all surfaces are kept to minimum so it's easy to keep on top of it windows have violes (or however is it spelled). It's not that I want to be clean. I have to. Plus I grew up with it and it's my house. Mi casa su casa as long as you got slippers on 😁

There are just as many 'rules' about how to behave at football-related drinking session or a hen do on the Costa Brava
Very true.

In our circle if someone invites you for some food then everyone goes round, you look presentable but nothing smart, everyone removes shoes (I don't recall there being a rule, it's clearly how lots of us have defaulted, but I think my strong feelings stem from having shoes on parents) and we have some food and drinks. Then again we seem to break all sorts of MN taboos and based on some other threads we shouldn't see each other as much because it's obviously a sign of total poverty and trying to host beyond your means if you ever ask a guest to bring a pudding or a side or some meat for the BBQ.

The idea of hosting a 'dinner party' strikes me as being quite formal or someone being a bit Hyacinth Bucket trying to talk up what essentially going for tea but in nicer clothes whilst pretending it is the height of sophistication.

Voile

@OftenHangry it's because she's uptight about her house. How much fun would a party be, in a house where you're scared to leave any trace you were ever there?

I love that people having their friends round, welcoming them in, and not giving a shit about their floors are somehow the ones in the wrong here. Whereas those who seem to avoid having people over, and when they do, they prioritise their floors over the guests comfort, are someone how superior.

You couldn't make it up.

Dowager

Your posts are so disingedisingenuous.

No one's saying people are "in the wrong" for "not giving a shit about their floors". But, of course - well done if you are wealthy enough to treat even major investments as disposable.

Some people are simply not in that position. Is that so hard to compute?

*disingenuous

But, of course - well done if you are wealthy enough to treat even major investments as disposable.

But where does it end? My sofa cost more than my carpet, maybe I should have kept the polythene on it so it will look new forever?

But where does it end

Bit melodramatic. No one keeps plastic on their sofa - it's weird. Loads of people think taking your shoes off is normal. Many who don't habitually do it will happily do so if asked. If you can't/won't take them off, you're in a minority and an exception can be made - the carpet will still generally be better off than if everyone traipses muck in. So simple. And no need to sneer at anyone's financial situation/lack of dinner parties/basket of slippers.

Who fucking cares?

None of MN will be entering my home
So I couldn’t give a shiny shoe shite about how the shoes off think they’re superior ( supposedly ) and whether the shoe on- ers tread dog/ horse/ cat / Fox shit everywhere in their houses and how minging they are.

As you were

I think what is actually needed is a parlour. (I don't know anybody who has one, but it's a room with all the best furniture and you only sit on it on special occasions with visitors while wearing your best cleanest clothes.) Meanwhile real life takes place in the kitchen.

Bring back parlours and then we'll all be happy.

the carpet will still generally be better off than ifeveryonetraipses muck in.
Pretty much this.
Odd occasions with shoes on is going to do much less damage and bring much less crap in than family and house guests. (It's why I said earlier occasional visits I couldn't care less because it's occasional, although most people tend to remove shoes anyway).

So if someone wishes to be shoes on in the house then cool. But save the melodramatic 'but a woman asked to remove her shoes is going to feel rubbish at a dinner party because she probably picked her shoes to feel thin and now she has to plod around barefoot because youve prioritised carpets over people. Gosh youre a rubbish host'.

My parents are shoes on people. All my siblings are shoes off people as adults. The vast majority of the time however, it isn't friends and dinner parties and occasional day visitors who are responsible for the marks on my parents' carpets. It's them going to the shop, going in the garden, coming back in to just have a cuppa for half an hour, going back out. It's their day to day muck.

Peg, I'm just attached to my shoes in general. In the winter, I'm normally wearing jeans tucked into boots and underneath the boots I have jeans tucked into giant wooly socks. I'm cold and unhappy if parted.

The idea of hosting a 'dinner party' strikes me as being quite formal or someone being a bit Hyacinth Bucket trying to talk up what essentially going for tea but in nicer clothes whilst pretending it is the height of sophistication.

I'm at a loss.

So, anyone who has guests for 'dinner' is basically just a bit arriviste in your view?

A dinner party =

Having your friends round. Cooking nicer food than usual and in bigger quantities. (The same with any wine that is drunk.) Focusing on conversation and catching up. You sit round the table rather than in front of the screen watching TV/Netflix, though you may adjourn to sofas for coffee afterwards.

This is something you can do if you have a table and there's enough space for 4 people at a time. When you have small children the meal can happen later - when the children are in bed - so that it's an opportunity for the grown ups to have child free time.

I don't think this need be a hugely formal thing just a really enjoyable way catch up with friends. If you hate cooking and prefer to relax with everyone on the sofa/comfortable chairs eating a take-away and watching Netflix that's fine too.

Given the choice I'd probably go for Option 1. Though if very tired Option 2 might be enjoyable. It's possible to like both ways of spending an evening.

My trousers are mostly a bit long on me minus shoes. Especially jeans. If you’re my best pal I won’t care, but otherwise I don’t want to be shoeless (far too feet-under-the-table) and hurts my feet, and with jeans flapping round my ankles. Do what you want for yourselves but guests should be made welcome - unless you don’t want them, in which case don’t invite them!

But, of course - well done if you are wealthy enough to treat even major investments as disposable.

Quite the opposite, Peg. The floors are over a hundred years old, the very opposite of 'disposable'. They've probably had more shoes over them, than you or I have had hot (formal ) dinners. As I said at post 2 or 3 of this 600+ post thread, my floors can take it, and then some. They're wood. They're floors - designed with people traipsing over them in mind.

Again. I take my shoes off automatically when I go to people's house. Or at least offer to, in case they're that way inclined. I don't routinely wear shoes in my own house.

What I also don't do, is insist that people coming into my house take their shoes off - as I just want them to feel welcomed and comfortable. My floors aren't the priority.

JennieLee
See to me, most of that is just having friends over for food. We have friends for tea, we eat, chat, drink. Move to the front room, chat etc.
Calling having friends for tea a dinner party seems a bit talking up the occasion and it's certainly not an occasion where someone would be digging out their best shoes.

It's not either host a dinner party where you dress up and enjoy conversation or you sit with take away in front of the telly.

But I don't insist either Dowager so we're kind of on the same page My feeling is simply that, on balance, most floors (not yours, evidently) are going to fare better without loads of shoe traffic.

Your definition of dinner parties sounds fine Jennie. But they don't sound overly like the sort of thing pp were discussing when they were wailing about how their shoes would be a key part of an outfit!

AnxiousPeg
Yes!
I've never insisted, most people do (except my parents but now i finally got wood floors instead of carpet it annoys me a little less).
jennies type of friends for tea thing sounds ideal. It still feels odd calling that a dinner party.

Yeah - we never use the phrase 'dinner party'! Now, I'm willing to accept this is because we're "lower middle class"! But we have much grander friends, and they don't say that either!

Calling having friends for tea a dinner party seems a bit talking up the occasion and it's certainly not an occasion where someone would be digging out their best shoes.

I've fallen at your first hurdle towards knowing my station because I don't use the term 'tea', or serve it to my children, much less my dinner guests.

Oh give over. Using or not using the term "tea" denotes your "station" does it

Pretty sure it's a regional thing...

I think one problem is that there isn't really a word for the kind of entertaining/having friends round. Sometime the language we have dates from an earlier era.

So I suspect that relatively few people entertain their friends in dining rooms with tables that have room for 12 people and everything matches and there are multiple knives and forks, and men wear jackets and ties.

But that there's a lot of semi-formal entertaining where people just dress up a little. Put on their nicer clothes, scrub up a bit, bring out their funny stories, make a slightly more complicated dish that they're fond of. And in that context there are some of us who would see it as more natural not to flash their socks/wear borrowed slippers.

David Cameron tried to sum up this kind of less formal gathering as a 'kitchen supper'. Which of course presupposes that you have a big kitchen. (Our house does, though it's not very grand.)

Oh give over. Using or not using the term "tea" denotes your "station" does it

Pretty sure it's a regional thing...

Ah but sure on mumsnet being from a region that isn't London is seen by some as akin to living in a cave and eating with your hands