to wonder why some peoples lives are so easy compared to others?

[Ageingtofast]

Ok I know everyone has hard times and that's just the way of the world but do you ever feel like some people are just lucky and happen to be in the right place at the right time? I'll give you my example.
I'm an "actor" or at least trying to be, I spent 2 years at drama school and the rest of my time waitressing or doing any other job just to bring in some money, I'm now 29 and have found myself back home caring for my parents (I don't begrudge this as they have always been there for me) but I work hard continuing to pay for acting classes, getting new headshots done, applying for any opportunity that is even remotely related to the field I'm in but just can't catch a break. What really gets me is you can't get anywhere without an agent but can't get an agent if you don't have enough experience but you can't get any jobs without either of these so it is a bit of a vicious circle. Then you get celebrities and models who have no acting training but get given parts as they are popular and people will go and see the movies just because they are in them!!! Just makes me want to scream.
Sorry for the rant but this just kills me, I think it may be time to give up my Hollywood dreams and try and find a new career that I enjoy. Makes me even angrier that I've wasted 10 years and haven made it, I feel like such loser and am no better off than when I left school!!

Perhaps you are depressed because of the career you have chosen. The repeated rejection must be soul destroying.

Did no one try to advise you when you were looking uni?

It's really is a silly career. Unless your face fits or your mum is Vanessa Redgrave or Goldie Haw it's not going to happen.

Sorry to be so blunt but you must realise this?

"It really is a silly career"

Unless it's something you are passionate about?

Some of the feedback has been a bit harsh OP, but I too am surprised that you seem surprised how tough acting is. It really is a soul destroying profession, living on rejection and anxiety. I did something similar for a while in the creative field and I'm glad I stopped - its a very insecure life and not good for your confidence and self esteem.

Like others I know a number of actors:

• one now mainly works on small bit projects and theatre in schools - never earned more than £15K in a year living in London (now over 50)
• one was hugely successful in a comedy series and other TV - now does something entirely different which is her own business
• one was in some famous films in her 20s including producing and co-writing a famous film, works in marketing now
• one mixes occasional ads with a small business and really struggles with money all the time
• one who did theatre, a film or two and all the usuals like Casualty now is a security guard.

A couple of these people were hugely successful (to the extent you felt really quite jealous) but haven't been able to make a living out of it. You do have to be very networked and connected thats true and to understand the business. So if you want to write for TV etc you really need to get how things get commissioned, develop links with independent Tv companies, enter competitions (the BBC has regular new talent comps), learn online about writing for film or Tv or all those things.

I would really give your career options a long cold look - is this really going to work out for you, how much longer will you give it, and what else could you do that you'd enjoy? How can you use your skills in other areas....

You can be a passionate amateur.

There are far too many drama schools, charging far too much money in this country. Most actors are out of work and adding more and more each year isn’t doing anyone any favours.

Life is not fair. There's your question answered.

Nothing you have described in your op is new, or even news, though us it? Everyone know this is what acting is like and only a tiny tiny fraction of actors actually make a living income out of it. Even fewer become rich and successful.

You must have known this before you dedicated 10 years of your life to it.

Our school quite often has visiting theatre groups who offer a range of productions related to the national curriculum. These "companies" are usually just about 3 people who write the scripts, get sets together and drive themselves around the country. The good ones do get quite booked up and I've always thought that this might be a fun job for somebody with a passion for acting. Would you be able to do something like that? Or search for a different career that attracts you and join a decent amateur dramatics group so that you can still act. You feel that your life is hard and you have failed but in reality you may just have set your sights a little bit high!

How about something like Secret Cinema or similar? I have friends who do that kind of thing which is still acting, but more accessible.

As well/otherwise, you could try and get involved with youth drama projects as a tutor. You don’t usually need qualifications or training in the same way as in a school, and it can be pretty rewarding. I’m a musician, but mostly do private tutoring these days and love. Have a search for small drama groups for kids.

Er. *and love it!

The trouble is, OP, even if you make it and get a good show, its no guarantee you'll get another one (sorry).

I was struck watching the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice recently that the actor who plays Bingley has only really ever been an extra since (and is a teacher).

I agree that you've chosen a field that is notoriously difficult to break, in which luck and the right connections is well known to make all the difference. I'm sorry for you that you feel as you do, but I think that 'hope for the best, expect the worst' is probably the most sensible advice you can take in your chosen career.

Life generally is a mixture of genuine luck/ bad luck (this is the case particularly with those who lead very healthy lives but die young/ before their time or whatever, or families that suffer a lot of grief and sickness) but much of it is about the choices we make and our approach. There's been research into how having a positive or a negative outlook determines the actions you take and therefore the rewards you reap. Personality plays a huge role, ad you'd expect. A surprising amount of luck is under your own control.

Please don't hate yourself OP. This is a video with Jim Carrey, talking about before he had his breakthrough.

Long post (and stolen!) but don't lose hope. (Of either making it in your industry, or another new one)

"At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA.
At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.
At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.
At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.
At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.
At age 28, Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook.
At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.
At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.
At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs.
Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51.
Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40.
Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40.
Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.
Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.
Morgan Freeman landed his first MAJOR movie role at age 52.
Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57.
Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76.
Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78.
Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow.
Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it.
Never tell yourself you missed your chance.
Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.
You can do it. Whatever it is."

Good post, Winegal - it's what I tell myself every day.
I'm quite a privileged person - grew up with educated parents in a creative industry, so was exposed to it from birth, and although I've never earnt much money, I'm highly educated. So with that advantage, I've had a twenty year career in an educational setting, but earning bugger all. I've also have 4 dcs and been housebound/bed bound for 4 years. But when that happened, effectively being physically trapped in a bed, I chose to do another degree. With that degree, I was asked by a contact to help produce a full feature film - which I'd never done before. MASSIVE learning curve aside, that's given me the confidence to write my own stuff, which seems to maybe be going somewhere. But, like everytihng, it's a slog. ALWAYS. But the above post is what keeps me going. Yes, of course, there comes a point when you have to accept that it's not going to happen for you. But if you can afford to keep going for the dream - do it. Obviously don't starve though!

Imo I might be wrong you're putting too much pressure on yourself thinking now you're 30 you need to find something else because you're panicing. If you're stressed you can only be a match to stressful things. It's the law of attraction. If I was you I would try and de-stress. Continue to work on your acting if you still want to be an actor. But de-stress. If you have time- train to become something else but never give up if that's what you want to do.
Once you feel successful you will attract success.

I have nothing against him for what its worth but he had no experience as an actor yet landed one of the lead roles in a movie just because of his name,

You have no idea how the industry works. And to be honest if some was doing extremely well in a related but different industry to me and they were given my dream job, I would get it.

You CHOSE this career path, knowing how hard it is. Can't believe you are moan8ng about how other people's lives are easy. I earn well in call centres. But I didn't choose that job m. I had to take a job to pay for bill after my abusive husband left. I made the most of it and worked my way up.

I would imagine you career choice is feeling your depression

It does seem somewhat as if you're looking at the industry from the outside, that you're not really sure how it works, and that you're just hoping to be able to land an agent on the strength of your overseas work. Another thing you might be able to do is to look for local writers who are looking for people to use for sizzle reels themselves - that way you get fresh material for your showreel, the chance to practise your skills, and network, all at the same time. Location may also be a factor - although you don't HAVE to live in a city, it does help if you don't have to travel massively for auditions. I would advise getting some help with the depression though - you're never going to be able to perform well and place yourself in another psyche if the one you're coming from doesn't have a solid foundation, IYSWIM. I'm not sure it's particularly healthy to use acting as a way to step outside of yourself - and I'm saying that as someone who used to cough tabletop and live roleplay as a hobby ( - a long long time ago, in a galaxy far away)! I think it's incredibly important to be content and confident with yourself so that you can explore the depths of other psyches and personalities, otherwise there's a danger of getting a bit lost - which is why I'm not a great fan of method acting. I think you have a great deal of thinking to do at the moment - how much time can you/will you devote to self-promotion? Because that is truly what you need to do - all of the actors I know work relentlessly at self-promotion, networking with industry professionals, local film making groups, writing and doing anything they can - most of them have got bit roles in big films or tv series, bigger roles in smaller films, and are perpetually scanning for audition news themselves. Don't just rely on your agent to get you stuff (because most of the experience I've had with agents is pretty negative). IF you truly can't keep going, then have a rethink and make the change as positive as you can, and as pp have said, look at doing something related to acting in some way. Apologies if this all sounds harsh.

I get you OP but these 2 bit infamous prats who you see popping up everywhere getting paid left right and center for just being well i dont know what they are famous for ..mostly all the wrong things in my opinion! they don't just get it..really they don't..they have huge and i mean huge amounts of people behind the scenes working 24 /7 to keep them there by any means...so they do work they appear to turn up on a red carpet all glam to the opening of a fking envelope yep they are there but they are doing it...they arent sat in there pjs like we might be they are doing it and i dont think its all a bed of roses for them....I wouldnt swap them places....good luck in what ever you choose to do ...their stars will burn out so fast when the public looses interest ..you see it all the time ...

posted too soon but following on from last comment ...when these 2 bits stop bringing the real money in for the execs watch how quickly they are dropped the speed is frightening cos the odds are not stacked in their favour they never were!!but they are too daft to see it...

I think Xenia's advice is spot on. As usual.

Xenia - is there any chance you might hop over to the ask me anything board www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA and start a thread?

(I am note sure it would be a good idea. Feels a bit pushy. If you start one saying ask Xenia anything I would continue it I think but let me know on this thread so I spot it....)

You ask why some people's lives are so easy? It's a combination of luck and good judgment, and god judgment will often create the luck we need.
Your life choice is clearly making you miserable. Time for a shift in your judgment; save the acting for fun and focus on developing a career in which you have a much higher chance of success.

god judgment

good judgment (I'm not advocating there might be divine intervention in your plight)

If you spent two years at drama school, I am surprised they didn't prep you better for this particular situation.

sure every actor dreams of becoming a Hollywood

No, they don't, actually. My 21yo dd who is now about to start her second year of training has dreams of working in rep and/or with a touring company. She is also keen on working with children and possibly with puppets. Friends of hers have all sorts of different plans and dreams. Some are writing plays and taking them to Edinburgh, some are branching out into getting directing experience, two of them (incredibly accomplished) are about to start a theatre company in their homeland where there is plentiful funding and well-trained actors are few and far between. The ones who are serious about acting are all spending huge amounts of time networking and swapping information about what is going on and taking part in anything going, from princess parties to walk-on film parts.

Dd herself knows (not least because this is something they really get to discuss at drama school) that her natural casting would be smaller supporting roles and that anything like the "break" you describe is never going to happen. It's not going to be a disappointment when it doesn't.

It does seem to me as if you have somehow missed out on the bottom tier of the acting network. You talk about not being able to get through to producers, but how closely are you in contact with your own generation/level of success in the acting world? Are you keeping in touch with the people you were at drama school with? Can you feel confident that if someone finds themselves short of a small role that would be your casting type somebody else on the cast, or somebody's girlfriend, will say "oh do contact Ageing, she's really reliable and nice to work with"? Can you swap work and support? (dd gets her headshots done very cheaply by modelling for somebody with ambitions in photography) Does your Instagram page and Facebook give the impression that you are active and doing new things?

Pretty well all the graduating students who wanted them got agents at dd's school this year, which is a rather good result, but of course that doesn't mean they're all going to make it in the industry. And for many of them, making it in the industry will mean living in modest circumstances and filling out the in-between times with extra work.

Is this how you see yourself? If not, maybe time to revisit your options?

P.S. Xenia's advice about the Oxbridge degree is sensible enough, except that not everybody is going to have the grades to get into Oxbridge. For dd, the option of being a well-paid lawyer was never on the cards. It isn't for most of the population, of course.
Also, Footlights is no longer the force it used to be: more actors who make it these days have degrees from RADA or Guildhall. The Footlights generation tend to be well into middle age.

It sounds like you've decided to jack the acting in then OP? That's ok. You gave it a shot. The question now is what's the next step, am I right? If so, that's a completely different one to the one you're asking in your OP. You're saying I need a new direction at 30, ie pretty young in the grand scheme of things.