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Original poster

DD devastated with GCSE results

267 replies

chitterchitter3322 · 23/08/2018 14:59

DD3 is devesated.

Her target grades were 8-9 for all subjects except for Maths which were 6-7. She's revised a lot, every time I've seen her in her room she's cracked on with her revision and she's given up lunch times and even stopped her dance club for a year which she's been doing for 4 years just to revise.

Last night she seemed like she was confident that she'd reach her targets but in the car on the way to school she just broke down and started to cry. She said that she had a bad feeling.

She told me about a month ago she felt so nervous in her exams and all she could feel was knots in her stomach and she could barely even focus.

She's opened her results for a 6 in every subject except from Maths which was a 3 and a 4 in Geography.

Any advice I should give her? Most of today she's been up in her room crying and on her phone not talking to anyone.

OP posts:
GruffaIo · 24/08/2018 19:53

I'm another university lecturer (Oxbridge - mentioned in case my perspective is a bit different).

  1. I'd let her mourn the change in direction she might (see 3-4) experience as a result of her performance. Her experience of targets has been a cruel one (though I wonder if her predicted grades were so high?). I'd be mindful of not praising her performance too much in case she sees that as fake, and instead focus on the effort she put in.

I'd reassure her that all is not lost, her dreams are not dashed, but you and her need a plan.....

  1. When things have settled, I'd have a really good chat with her (several conversations over time, probably) about what she thinks might help her get better grades (if that's what she wants) for A-level: Does she need to improve exam technique? Did she waste time in revision (eg. making long-hand notes when practice questions would have helped more)? Did she simply work too hard and burn-out before the exams? Was she particularly anxious in the exams in a way that might be helped by learning relaxation techniques, etc?
  2. If she wants to go to a uni with aspirational entry criteria, perhaps start talking about taking a year out so she can apply with her finalised A-level grades. Then her GCSEs will have much less impact.
  3. Depending on where she studies for her degree, Computer Science can be quite Maths-heavy, so she should really explore her options carefully.

I hope she feels better soon. I know from personal experience, it's difficult to reconcile yourself to something not having worked out how you (and others around you) expected, and feeling you let everyone down. Start by focusing on her effort and that, by working so hard, she didn't let anyone down.

gluteustothemaximus · 24/08/2018 19:59

6's are what DS1 will be aiming for next year. He needs 6 B's to get in to 6th form, so he will be over the moon with 6's.

So sorry your DD is disappointed. So sad to think of her crying and so unhappy. She really has done very well. Maybe just a resit for maths?

fairyofallthings · 24/08/2018 19:59

Please tell your daughter that she's done well. I did CSEs (bright kids did O levels in my day) and got very poor passes - mostly grade D, 1 grade C and 1 E. Next month I am starting my masters degree.

Maccapacca88 · 24/08/2018 20:10

Sixes are very good grades! This year, 4 is equivalent to a C grade so she really has done well. Grade 8 is equivalent to A* and 9 is an extra grade that hardly anyone is expected to get!

DiegoMadonna · 24/08/2018 20:35

All you can do now is be supportive. The bigger problem is really that she felt so much pressure in the first place, which had a dual effect of negatively impacting her performance on the day, and then making her feel worse about her results than she would if she had been more relaxed about the whole thing.

I know you can't turn back time OP, but extreme pressure to perform well in educational testing is something that needs to be tackled in general really.

DiegoMadonna · 24/08/2018 20:36

Also, it sounds like a 6 is an above average grade. So you can point out that she did better than most?

James2002 · 24/08/2018 20:38

My son just done his GCSEs, he passed 6 with 4s and 5s and failed 2, fortunately he passed maths and English. Super proud mum here, exams are hard now. Your daughter has done amazing. Well done to her!

Gillian1980 · 24/08/2018 20:45

She has done fantastically! Brilliant grades.

I did poorly at school and came out with 5 x C, 3 x D, and an E. Because I was lazy and made no effort.
I then got a D at AS level and 2 x E at A level. Again, I didn’t try.

But then I got myself together and got a 2:1 at uni followed by a MA.

If I can get where I wanted to be with such crap grades, I’m certain she will be able to with her 6s.

ragged · 24/08/2018 20:48

Y were the predictions and targets so wildly wrong? What a pointless way to make someone wrongly feel like a failure.

PenelopeShitStop · 24/08/2018 20:51

A 6 is a perfectly acceptable grade for students who are of a Level 5/6 ability. But a string of 6s for someone with proven Level 8/9 ability would obviously be a huge disappointment. Huge.

Also for massively oversubscribed undergraduate courses at elite universities, where every applicant has a minimum of 3 A* at A Level then obviously GCSE results will also be considered.

DiegoMadonna · 24/08/2018 21:18

Y were the predictions and targets so wildly wrong? What a pointless way to make someone wrongly feel like a failure

Presumably because she was expected to do better, but didn't because:

She told me about a month ago she felt so nervous in her exams and all she could feel was knots in her stomach and she could barely even focus

mathanxiety · 24/08/2018 21:21

Expecting someone to attain an incredibly high standard over so many subjects is guaranteed to give someone knots in her stomach and crippling anxiety.

Lalala2018 · 24/08/2018 21:36

Sympathy and lots of perspective. The pressure to do well was immense and the shattering of self esteem if you didn't do "well enough" in your mind is heartbreaking. Do not miss those times at all.

cathcath2 · 24/08/2018 21:42

Hi OP I do apologise if this has already been said but if you have a look at the entry requirements for ComSci at SHU the only one she needs to worry about is Maths - she will need a 5.
www.shu.ac.uk/courses/computing/bsc-honours-computer-science/full-time
Let her grieve tonight, and tomorrow talk about what she is going to do next. It feels horrible now but she will get there x

manicmij · 24/08/2018 21:46

Media said a 4 is equivalent to an old C. Would guess the 6 may equate to B. Not all bad but obviously D'S is disappointed. Support, support, support with consideration given to how help with exam technique. I can empathise, as an adult I had to do a course and at the first exam when announced "you can start writing I basically turned paper over and started writing which was actually just scribbles. I was so nervous I just could not control the pen. Next exam I used some Bach Remedy and I was totally different. May have been psychological and nothing to do with Remedy but it worked. Sailed the whole set of exams. Do hope your DD manages to overcome what will be earth shattering at the moment.

CaptainNelson · 24/08/2018 21:59

I work in assessment. As KatieKat said, a target is not the same as a predicted grade. My kids' school gives them both a target (which is usually a 7 or 8, as they want all the kids to get As or more, which is a whole other question), and a predicted grade, which is often lower.
Check with the teachers what the predicted grades were. As others have said, 6s are really good and your DD will, I'm sure, realise that (with your wonderful support). If your DD's maths grade was significantly lower than her predicted grade, push to get a remark. It doesn't always work, but private schools use this almost as a technique and get a good proportion of grades raised. It does cost money, though, so often state schools resist - if you can afford it, offer to pay if you think it's worth it. You should also then get to see your daughter's script, which can be a really useful learning tool if she's going to have to retake.
The other thing is, there are lots of reasons for doing poorly in exams, often completely unrelated to how much study you've done (and btw, your dd has not done poorly at all). Once the dust settles, I'd suggest you, she and a trusted teacher talk about her options; as others have said, if exams are really causing anxiety, she might be better looking at different kinds of qualifications. A levels are definitely not the only fruit! hugs to all the kids who are suffering x

ragged · 24/08/2018 22:02

Few people who go to Uni go to 'elite' universities.

PenelopeShitStop · 24/08/2018 22:05

No shit ragged Hmm Possibly why they're elite, yes?

NightmareLoon · 24/08/2018 22:05

Target grade: Based on KS2 SATS using a government website. All those schools who push kids hard on their SATS? Those high-scoring kids might end up with targets above their ability.

Predicted grade: Based on things like teacher assessment and mocks. Accuracy varies by teacher/school, no national standard.

Kithulu · 24/08/2018 22:09

Oh i really hate the new number system.
Getting and A was great and a B was fab too and seen as 2nd. Now with the numbers going up so much higher - it's kinda pushed the ranking of a B down.

Grade predictions are the latest thing and i hate them too. My son is in year 8 he has neen predicted 8/9's based on his sats. His reports are all red maked as failing because he is mostly working at level 7 (old A) ffs!

mumsastudent · 24/08/2018 22:18

re her stress perhaps finding someway of doing some relaxing techniques? & try to get some vocational guidance to see alternative jobs she has never thought of - to widen her opportunities

StarUtopia · 24/08/2018 22:24

A 6 is an old B - presumably what she would have achieved 20 yrs ago had she sat them then. The shame is...the last 20 yrs they've handed out A and A*'s like sweets...so every child who is fairly bright expects them. Now we have this when actually only the truly bright are getting 9's.

I think she's done really well.

What's poor is how the school have misled her into believing she could achieve 9's across the board.

Nettleskeins · 24/08/2018 22:25

I just went on the Gcse thread in Secondary and I have to say it is an alternate reality. The Mumsnet 20 percent of the gsce entrants. I would have cried if I had compared my children to most of the candidates on that thread. So many people getting 9s and 8s, I'm sure well deservedly. But in RL 6s are difficult and people are very very glad to get them, and most cases apart from Maths or MFL, secondary schools apart from the most selective "weeding-out" type gladly accept people to do A levels with Bs/6's.
Dd has been incredibly happy to get her 6 in geography English language and Maths, and she wished she had got her 6 in Spanish. Ds has been incredibly happy to get his 6 in Drama, and relieved to get his 5 in Maths. Other marks were different, some much higher than this. But just to get 6's IS an achievement. when you are doing so many different subjects in one go.

AmazingGrace16 · 24/08/2018 22:28

Sorry if this has been mentioned but how did she get a 3 in maths if she had a target of 6? Was she entered into higher or foundation? Higher paper the lowest you can get is a 4. Foundation the highest a 5. If she got a 3 it would indicate she's been entered into foundation and therefore her teachers did not expect her to get a 6 at all...

medusa83 · 24/08/2018 22:32

Not read the full thread...but

6s are very, very good results, well done to DD3. However it's all relative I suppose.

I had an enrolment interview today with someone who was proud of his highest grade of 3 - he had been predicted U grades in all subjects at the starts of KS4. With 6s you should be able to do almost any A level, so no lasting "damage". We'd be happy to take her on!