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Original poster

DD devastated with GCSE results

267 replies

chitterchitter3322 · 23/08/2018 14:59

DD3 is devesated.

Her target grades were 8-9 for all subjects except for Maths which were 6-7. She's revised a lot, every time I've seen her in her room she's cracked on with her revision and she's given up lunch times and even stopped her dance club for a year which she's been doing for 4 years just to revise.

Last night she seemed like she was confident that she'd reach her targets but in the car on the way to school she just broke down and started to cry. She said that she had a bad feeling.

She told me about a month ago she felt so nervous in her exams and all she could feel was knots in her stomach and she could barely even focus.

She's opened her results for a 6 in every subject except from Maths which was a 3 and a 4 in Geography.

Any advice I should give her? Most of today she's been up in her room crying and on her phone not talking to anyone.

OP posts:
Everyoneiswingingit · 24/08/2018 18:09

A 6 is a B. She can retake maths. Congratulations stop her. Once she gets over the disappointment of not getting her maths, she can focus on retaking and move past this.

Everyoneiswingingit · 24/08/2018 18:09

Congratulations to her not stop her!

Everyoneiswingingit · 24/08/2018 18:10

4=low c
5=high c
6=b
7=a*
9=a**

Everyoneiswingingit · 24/08/2018 18:11

sorry 7=a
8=a*

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 24/08/2018 18:24

It's so tough on them, isn't it? I remember ds locking himself in his room for 2 days when he got disappointing AS results (after ace-ing his GCSEs and probably getting cocky). He was convinced his whole life was ruined and no respectable university would ever accept him. It was only because we flew off on holiday at that point with family friends that he forced himelf out of hibernation to be sociable.

Fast forward a few years and he's just graduated with a First Class degree from an excellent university.

It's just part of life's learning curve, but they won't/can't appreciate that at this point.

Avocadosarethewayforward · 24/08/2018 18:25

I’m an English teacher and know that the new GCSE system is confusing and more rigorous than it was. Your DD has done really well. 6 is a high B and she should feel justifiably proud. A lot of schools amp up the pressure by predicting 9s when actually a 9 is only attained by an elite 0.2% nationally. This article might help clarify things

DD devastated with GCSE results
mumeemoo · 24/08/2018 18:30

Op - So 30 something years ago I got pretty much the same grades as your dd, except I got an e for maths and a d for chemistry and I was bloody delighted as were my teachers and parents. No one made me feel like this wasn't good enough and indeed it wasn't. I went on to get some a levels - again not stunningly brilliant but solid grades. I went on to university and loved my subject so much that i did a masters. I have since had an interesting a varied career.

The pressure schools and the government put on our DCs these days to achieve the "highest" grades is appalling and i believe is detrimental to their mental health. I have been going through this with my own dd - who did 2 this year and will do the rest next year. I have already told the Head to back off as I watched my usually well balanced daughter start to lose it a few months ago due to the pressure.
Yesterday we have celebrated her two 6 grades this year for what they are - a fantastic result which provides a strong stepping stone to the next stage. I know your daughter must feel a failure for not getting the 8s and 9s are school so desperately wanted but her 6s are something to be celebrated. I am sure you are cheering for her but please let her know others are too.

Scooby23 · 24/08/2018 18:33

I’m a teacher with GCSEs, a levels and a good degree. My husband is a construction worker with no qualifications yet earns double my wages. Exams so so not be all and end all. It’s your drive, passion, interest to keep learning, resilience etc which are so much more important. Good luck with whatever comes next for all those having taken GCSEs

User2284995711 · 24/08/2018 18:35

Please let your DD know I got very similar grades (mainly Bs, a C in French and a D in Geograhy!)

I also didn't get great A levels! (Although your DD probably will!)

I now have a BA(Hons), an MSc and a PhD. I have an academic job as well as a clinical role in a senior position. I have published many papers too.

GCSEs seem all important at age 16, but now age 40 they are meaningless! No one has asked me my GCSE grades since I was about 18!

Your DD will do just fine! :)

LadyofMisrule · 24/08/2018 18:38

Once I got A levels, no-one ever asked my about my O levels (yes, I’m that old)
Once I got my degree, no-one ever asked me about my A levels.
I’ve since got 2 masters degrees, and they are just enablers to allow you do do the next thing. It is hard when you feel you haven’t done as well as you could, but please remind her that what is the end of the world now will NOT feel like that in six months.

LadyofMisrule · 24/08/2018 18:39

Oh, and hugs to both of you. She has done really well. 💐

Wineallthetime · 24/08/2018 18:49

Secondary school English teacher here, she needs to remember that a 6 is the top end of what was a b so she's actually done really well. These exams are so much harder than they were a few years ago, the skills that need to be demonstrated haven't been worked on for that long in comparison to how current year 7 will work on them. Get her to focus on the next stage, if she's done well enough to do the a-levels etc she wanted then she's done well. Once she's done her a -levels gcse will seem ages ago, she doesn't have be to resist anything which is excellent, and even if she did that's not the end of the world- I had to resit gcse maths at 21 to train as a teacher and I ended up with a b!! However it does sound like she needs to build up her resilience and coping with stress, being that nervous is no good. There's some good things on the Mind website but if it's getting really bed for her seeking some professional help maybe get be a good idea. Hope she feels better soon x

Mumto2two · 24/08/2018 18:55

Well done to your daughter, she should be proud of those grades, not disappointed!

Nimmykins · 24/08/2018 18:57

Considering a 4 is equivalent to a C then she’s got a B+ in most subjects. She’s done brilliantly. What she needs to understand is 7,8,9 are exceptional grades. A, A and A*.

She can get where she needs to go. It’s a shame she worked so hard and didn’t get what she wanted.

How did she feel about the exams themselves? Was she confident?

Maybe her teachers can advise why she might not have achieved exceptional grades.

Fowles94 · 24/08/2018 19:01

I've read they were harder again this year, she's done brill and I'm jealous. I hope my little one does that good.

lightattheendofatunnel · 24/08/2018 19:02

Well my DS failed everything & is devastated. He revised for months but has dyslexia & dyspraxia. He tried so hard. He now can’t do the engineering course he wanted. His confidence is at rock bottom & the fact he has to do maths & English again when he will struggle yet again just breaks my heart.

Op: I know the results weren’t quite what she wanted but trust me she could be in a worse position. My son hasn’t been out of his room since he opened his results:(

areyoubeingserviced · 24/08/2018 19:02

Her disappointment should be acknowledged though.
My friend’s dd achieved 8 grades 7-9 but was upset by the 5 she achieved in French.

SnowBambino · 24/08/2018 19:06

I got Bs and Cs at GCSE, after a terrible time due my chaotic and messed up family. I was devastated. I’d always been clever and thought I’d do ok.

However, I turned things around and got AAAB at A Level, a 2:1 from a top red brick university and later on, an MSc from LSE.

GCSEs aren’t everything. As long as your DD can still take the next step she wants, then they will become a distant memory.

The main focus can then be building confidence and exam techniques. Also, A Level gives the opportunity to focus on what interests her - that suited me much more than a broad multi-subject approach.

missymayhemsmum · 24/08/2018 19:06

Take her away for the weekend if you can, to get some perspective. She got an entirely respectable set of results, and GCSEs don't define who you are. Talk about her options with her, whether retakes with some help in technique and staying calm in exams, or just moving on to A levels. Offer to get the papers if she wants, show you believe in her and whatever she does you still adore her. Help her to make a plan.

pollymere · 24/08/2018 19:08

She probably needs to resit maths, but she can do that whilst doing her A-levels. I was devastated by some of my results way back, especially as I'd planned to do history which was my worst result. Apart from feeling cross when I have to fill out all my GCSEs on forms, people don't even look. I was the last year before they had A* which also meant we all get asked why we only got an A too... it's so built up as being life-changing but it really isn't. DH got a C for English but he's still a PhD, and my friend took her Maths GCSE about four times...

mathanxiety · 24/08/2018 19:13

How could the teachers possibly have given your DD any sort of a target with a marking rubric that is in a state of flux?

Daft at the least, and potentially devastating to a student at worst.

This was most irresponsible.

For the future (yes she does have one!) she needs to learn to communicate nervousness and to ask for help.

Flowers to her and to you. Tell her chin up, but do acknowledge that she feels disappointed.

KatieKat88 · 24/08/2018 19:25

Schools have to set targets based on Year 6 performance - it says that on average students on level X in year 6 will achieve grade Y at GCSE, so we have to set this as a target. Schools are then judged on progress 8 scores. It doesn't take into account the fact that students progress at different paces, may have stuff going on at home etc which makes it rubbish when you remember that these are individual children that we're talking about... my school refused to target anyone a 9 thankfully!

In a way it's crap. But it also means that teachers don't focus on 'just' getting a C (or a 4) with bright students who are capable of more - we should be helping students to achieve as well as they can. It's really tough on some students who get overwhelmed with stress and more needs to be done to support students with this.

Questionsmorequestions · 24/08/2018 19:25

All those people saying that GCSEs are important for university applications are right, however your dd can always take a year out and then apply with her A levels results.
Please tell her that it isn’t the biggest disaster, acknowledge her disappointment and maybe in a few days discuss why she thinks she didn’t do as well as she had expected. I hope that her school will be helpful and work with her to overcome anxiety around exams or to revise better.
If you believe the papers then everyone did amazingly but out there in the real world it was a very mixed bag!

YouOKHun · 24/08/2018 19:39

I loathe year 11! My daughter has had a mixed outcome for her GCSEs, she’s managed to pass them but some not at the grades she was predicted for the most part and it’s tough when your friends have all managed 7-9. You and she have my sympathy.!

Have you found out her marks? My daughter got a 4 for Maths and Eng Lit but was one mark off a 5 in both so we will look at re-marking as it’s so close. Is that worth looking into for the Maths and geography?

holey · 24/08/2018 19:50

There are so many encouraging responses but I'd like to add mine as I think our DDs are quite similar. I have 3 teenagers. DD sat GCSEs last year, DS1 this year and DS2 will be the year after next. I'm also a former teacher and private tutor, although that's less relevant. Throughout primary school DD was among the top handful of students, like her brothers. However, during secondary school she seemed to suffer from a serious lack of confidence. There were minor bullying issues but nothing that would really explain why a bright and capable 11 year old turned into a teenager who had no faith in herself whatsoever.
As a family we reassured her and encouraged her as best as we could but she was convinced she was useless at everything and her grade predictions dropped and dropped as her panic and anxiety grew.
This time last year, she expected no passes at all, she had that little faith in her abilities, spent most of year 11 sobbing and went to pieces before every exam. As it was she did better than she thought: an A*, a few Bs and Cs or equivalents (some of them were numbers last year and some were letters) and a couple of lower grades- a D and an E.
The reason for me writing this is that my DD had her anxiety come on over the course of a few years whereas yours seems to have happened all at once as the exams were looming so as a family you could not prepare her or yourselves for it.
My DD got into 6th Form at school, not to do A Levels but to do BTECS. And one year on, she is flying. With no exam pressure and subjects she is loving her confidence has soared. She is predicted two distinction stars and a distinction (equivalent to two A* and an A at A Level). She wants to go to university and study to be a teacher as she believes she can help students like herself. Unless your DD has A Levels she is dead set on (or her school is snobby about BTECS) I would really recommend them as an approach for students who find exam pressure hard to cope with.