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Original poster

DD devastated with GCSE results

267 replies

chitterchitter3322 · 23/08/2018 14:59

DD3 is devesated.

Her target grades were 8-9 for all subjects except for Maths which were 6-7. She's revised a lot, every time I've seen her in her room she's cracked on with her revision and she's given up lunch times and even stopped her dance club for a year which she's been doing for 4 years just to revise.

Last night she seemed like she was confident that she'd reach her targets but in the car on the way to school she just broke down and started to cry. She said that she had a bad feeling.

She told me about a month ago she felt so nervous in her exams and all she could feel was knots in her stomach and she could barely even focus.

She's opened her results for a 6 in every subject except from Maths which was a 3 and a 4 in Geography.

Any advice I should give her? Most of today she's been up in her room crying and on her phone not talking to anyone.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 23/08/2018 15:52

There will be few 8s and fewer 9s and her tutors should have warned her that would be the case. Shes done well and will realise that tomorrow

Sisterlove · 23/08/2018 15:53

It won't affect her getting into universities as far as entry requirements. ..but some top ones want excellent GCSE results too.

It's a lot of pressure on young ones these days.

Bunnybigears · 23/08/2018 15:54

Its just jumping through hoops. Apart from the few days immediately after getting your grades as long as you have the grades to jump through that hoop and onto the next one it doesnt matter and no one cares (in a nice way)

FlowersAndHerts · 23/08/2018 15:55

I would ask her why she was upset in the car on the way to pick up the results. It sounds to me like she knew she wasn't going to do very well, and I wonder whether she was really revising when you thought she was. It may have been exam anxiety, but I think the fact she waited so long to tell you suggests to me she wasn't really revising at all. Obviously, it's too late now, but that may be a factor in why she's upset.

VanCleefArpels · 23/08/2018 15:56

I would be going over grade boundaries with a fine tooth comb and identifying any papers worth a remark to get it over the next grade upwards. Whilst she has “passed” the GCSE (excluding maths) any uplift should be pursued as universities will now be looking more closely at GCSE grades in the absence of AS results

SinkGirl · 23/08/2018 15:59

I went to a girls grammar with a lot of pressure. A bunch of us were made to drop subjects shortly before exams because we wouldn’t be able to get a B or higher based on our coursework grades.

I ended up with 1x A*, 5x A and 2x B. I cried about the Bs. The pressure on us was ridiculous. Funnily enough, when I took my A levels, I went from an A to a D in one subject, and a B to an A in another (and then got a 2:1 in that subject at a great university). GCSEs are mainly a nonsense that enables you to get to the next stage and nothing more unless you don’t go any further.

My DH failed most of his GCSEs and left school - he went back to college later and retook them, by the time we met he was a magazine journalist and is now a well paid web developer. GCSEs are not that important and will not dictate the course of her life.

However, it’s also okay to be upset and not surprising when they’re under such pressure.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 23/08/2018 16:04

I got all Es. I can honestly say that the only people who asked my grades were college and after the first course even they didn't care. I've never had an employer ask and I've worked a couple of fairly skilled jobs.

It's her college/uni grades that will count.

theunsure · 23/08/2018 16:04

As a person that works in HE the only thing that is a problem here is the Maths result. Really important to resit this and try for a better grade as we do ask for Maths and English at Grade C equiv for almost all our degree courses (and this is at a high ranking but former poly).

I did disappointingly in my GCSE’s compared to my ability and not much better at A Level (difficult patch with too much time dabbling in illicit substances and boys). I got 1 A*, 2 A’s, 4 B’s, 1 C and 1 D when was capable of at least A in everything apart from Art and German. Scraped A B at A Level as only finished 2 subjects. Ended up with a 2:1 BSc and an MBA.

It is hard to take at first, it’s part of growing up though- learning to pick yourself up after disappointment. She’ll be fine with support. It feels like failure now but they are good results and it is no disaster.

Leesa65 · 23/08/2018 16:05

She done better than my DC, bless her

6 is good as well I would have thought .

As long as she done her best (and sounds like she did, and then some) and she knows it was her best then that's all that would be possible anyway . Give her a hug on my behalf OP

ohreallyohreallyoh · 23/08/2018 16:08

if she comes back from school having been criticised for those grades in any way you follow the complaints procedure until schools learn that the target is a pass not an A

Erm....as a parent you are, of course, right. But you must recognise the pressure teachers are under to ensure students reach their target grades. Several grades under and teachers will need to be explaining themselves. In a worse case scenario, a set of average results can result in a teacher being put on capability. The target is the target grade.

Stopyourhavering64 · 23/08/2018 16:12

I scraped a C in my O grade maths ( 39 yrs ago).... never needed to exceed that grade since then as I was able to proceed on to Highers...got into University on basis of my other O and Higher subjects
Honestly no one will bother about her GCSEs once she's onto next stage in her education

farangatang · 23/08/2018 16:17

It's SOOO hard to see your children disappointed and feeling unhappy with themselves. You're not alone!

You can only try to reassure her that persistence and effort pay off in life and are the skills that will get her far in the 'real world' (exams are NOT THE REAL WORLD!).

You can tell her how proud you are of the positivity and resilience she showed. Empathise with her disappointment at achieving below what she was predicted.

You can remind her that there are many paths to finding 'success' in life and she already has the most important skills sorted. Talk to school about her options, and particularly the Maths resit she will have to do. Try to find out what caused the difference in achievement and predictions and find strategies to improve the things that 'got in the way' this time.

Remind her she's not alone and there are lots of people in the same boat - exam results are not the measure of her worth.

Good luck!

tenredthings · 23/08/2018 16:17

No one has ever been remotely interested in my grades. They are simply a stepping stone onto the next thing. So long as she can progress if she wants to , the actual grades become irrelevant. It's fo crap the way so much importance is placed on them. Stupid amount of stress when it's already tricky navigating your teenage years.

Beaverhausen · 23/08/2018 16:19

I am so sorry you DD is going through this right now OP. Have to admit it is a concern for me with my DD as she is such a sensitive child.

It was on one of the daytime programmes today where someone stated that schools put so much pressure on kids to get high grades because it means that the school would end up with being high up on the league tables and could not care less about the emotional impact on students.

FlipnTwist · 23/08/2018 16:23

Her results (apart from maths) are ok. It is the predictions which are the problem.what did her friends get relative to their grades?

Original poster
chitterchitter3322 · 23/08/2018 16:23

Her friends got a similar result to their expectations.

OP posts:
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/08/2018 16:24

That’s still amounts to better than me.... when I went to pick mine up my maths teacher came to me straight away and said I’m appealing for a remark for yours because I was one mark from a B, they remarked it and turns out they missed 10 points, is thier anyway she can appeal it? Especially If she is close to certain marks.

FlipnTwist · 23/08/2018 16:24

'relative to their predicted grades'

Original poster
chitterchitter3322 · 23/08/2018 16:25

Pizza is here, she seemed to be pleased and smiled for once today! Glad she's feeling a little bit better than earlier lol.

OP posts:
Ucantarguewistupid · 23/08/2018 16:27

She has done well. In future tho, it is very important to make sure there is down time away from revision. Over revising can lead to the opposite of what you're aiming for. It is sad that some teachers forget this. Do some research, the evidence is out there that it is important to take regular breaks (more than 10 mins!) - and to exercise. It's a shame she gave up her dance for a year - that sounds like a great 'study budy' Exercise, artistic.... Also when revising - revise opposites. So not maths and science but maths and English...

Dungeondragon15 · 23/08/2018 16:28

Actually universities do care.

Not if you already have A levels and they are good. If you go onto do a degree probably noone will look at GCSE grades.

Pibplob · 23/08/2018 16:28

I thought a 6 was equivalent to a C which is good, so if it’s a B that’s fab! She should be happy if she’s got mainly B’s.

FlowersAndHerts · 23/08/2018 16:28

It is the predictions which are the problem
That's what make me suspect she was struggling at the revision stage, and was pretending she was revising. She kept this up until on the way to school, when she knew it would all be found out, and there was no way out. I'd gently explore that with her, just in case.

ChocolateWombat · 23/08/2018 16:29

In this scenario, of course it's right to focus on the positives and all the things open to her from here. Most places will let her do A Levels in subjects that she got Bs or 6s in.

However, I think it is right to be allowed to grieve and also to acknowledge that different paths are most likely with 6s than with 8s/9s. Those who say the exact GCSE grade doesn't matter aren't correct in all scenarios at all.

Students who get lots of 8s/9s are those for whom Oxbridge and competitive Russell Group courses are open at Uni, because Unis will offer based on A levelmlredictions but also based on GCSEs. If applying for competitive graduate entry jobs, employers will expect a string of 8s and 9s. So, perhaps your DD thought she was going to be one of these high fliers with that flight path in front of her.....and now it's not looking quite like that. She should be allowed to grieve if she imagined herself as a high flier and is now disappointed. And the reality of some closed doors should also be recognised. Of course, lots of Unis and careers will be open to her and people with Bs at GCSE might be as successful in all kinds of fields and jobs and a B at GCSE might not hinder many applications to uni or jobs at all.....but it will have an impact for some.

All this Bs are great - well it all depends doesn't it and it isn't true categorically to say that for absolutely everyone, that Bs are great - if you expected A* then it is a disappointment and being told that they should be grateful for a B because other people got Bs or Cs today or in the past, isn't actually helpful if you are disappointed yourself.

Some re-calibrating will be needed. Let her feel sad, especially if people who she considered her academic peers have done better. Let her be sad and acknowledge it all and then look to move forwards positively with all the good things that are open to her for next year. But don't spend all your time saying 'you've done brilliantly' - because, for her and her expectations, she hasn't.....but the future can still be bright..

argumentativefeminist · 23/08/2018 16:32

Really really feel for her! I think quite a lot of her reaction today will have been from shock and frustration rather than genuinely believing that these are terrible grades - which they're clearly not! Another year or few months of maths until she can resit it will give her more time to practice and more time to learn anxiety management techniques - and it'll be good to keep her maths skills fresh if she wants to do something computer science based later on. Once she's got a solid set of A Levels, which I'm sure she can definitely achieve, then the GCSE grades really, really don't matter unless you're considering stuff like Medicine or Law at very prestigious universities. What's more important is that she's learn how to take a knock to her confidence, contextualize it and realise it isn't the end of the world, and pick herself back up. That's a much more important skill for further study and further life than anything she could have learnt from a GCSE textbook.