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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me please handle this *possible cheeky fucker*

67 replies

Itsmemotherfuckers · 23/08/2018 11:45

I’ve name changed because I know my friend is on mumsnet

A friend has recently had a big op (bowel related) and has 2 ds one is in my dd class.

They get a lot great and are best friends they are 8. Friend also has a 4 yr old ds who gets a long with my youngest ds.

We do a lot together, days out, holidays etc and friend has not done anything remotely cheeky fuckerish before but I agreed to look after her dc while she went into work for a day as she had no other option. Everyone knows I don’t like looking after other people’s kids, it’s a running joke but I always do whatever I can for my friends.

While the whole op process was going on I did childcare, cooked meals, brought presents and have been there for support.

But today said friend turned up with her ds early morning which was agreed and said her dh is at home today so if I have any problems just let her know and her dh would have them. I was very confused and asked if he was ok, she said he was but had some abdominal pain and was going to rest.

She had to rush off and looked very weird, probably because she knows it’s a bit cheeky.

Am I right in thinking actually if her dh is home then he should be doing childcare? I was asked because she had no other option and was stressing and I gladly agreed.

I’m tired too, my dc were up all night and I work too.

I need to tell her I’m not happy but I don’t know how, please help me.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 23/08/2018 11:48

Drop him back home with dh and tell her to ask in future rather than drop and ditch.

zerozerooneone · 23/08/2018 11:50

Would he normally be at work? Is he off ill? I can see why, if he is ill, she has stuck to the original arrangements. Plus if her DC was looking forward to spending time with yours, to cancel last minute would be disappointing for them.

Anxious2niteaaah · 23/08/2018 11:51

Drive the kids to friends house, make a vague excuse that something has come up so it's lucky friends dh is at home to look after his kids, and then drive off before he can say anything..Grin

Original poster
Itsmemotherfuckers · 23/08/2018 11:52

The way she worded it was, her dh had taken a day off work to go into work with her to support her, she declined and then said but he has a tummy ache. I missed that in the original post, sorry

It’s like she said that comment but then said something else because she saw my confused face.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 23/08/2018 11:53

Is today a one off childcare arrangement, not a regular thing?

I'd leave it if it's a one off.

dinosaurkisses · 23/08/2018 11:53

She knew it was cheeky, that’s why she mentioned it in the first place. Verbal diarrhoea that’s she’s probably kicking herself for now.

firawla · 23/08/2018 11:54

Yeah I would drop them back to the dh, it will get the point across!

BalloonSlayer · 23/08/2018 11:54

I would text her to say "can you let you DH know I will be dropping DS home in half an hour please" then do so.

Let her ask why.

If she does say "this was supposed to be emergency childcare because you had no one else. I had things to do today."

Original poster
Itsmemotherfuckers · 23/08/2018 11:54

I wouldn’t commit to regular childcare. I feel used at this moment, I have done so much these last few months. Today feels like a step too far.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 23/08/2018 11:55

If it's a one-off I'd leave it. It's probably been a bit of a stressy time for the DH too and he's woken up and thought 'I'm a bit uncomfy, kids are taken care of, actually I'm going to throw a sickie and sleep.' Can't really blame him.

tootstastic · 23/08/2018 11:57

YANBU, I'd suck it up for a one-off too, but have a good excuse ready so that you can say no if she ever asks again. I've had similar from friends for minor things like getting nails done and it certainly irks when discovered.

Bluntness100 · 23/08/2018 11:59

Maybe he needs some time, and has also been struggling.

HolyMountain · 23/08/2018 12:01

We do a lot together, days out, holidays etc and friend has not done anything remotely cheeky fuckerish before

For the above ^ is why I'd say nothing today but make sure you are not available next time you're asked.

JustTheLemons · 23/08/2018 12:06

Take them home. If she asks why just say you weren’t feeling well yourself.

QueenofallIsee · 23/08/2018 12:12

I would take them back - to not do so adds weight to this being 'childcare' not a favour for an ill friend. I think she and her DH have formed a bit of a habit on your help and lost sight of why this arrangement started!

If she is generally lovely and has been through a lot then she deserves the benefit of the doubt but do drop the DC back

Original poster
Itsmemotherfuckers · 23/08/2018 12:12

I would never do this to my friends ever, if it were my dh I’d tell him to suck it up as they are his kids but he wouldn’t do this either.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 23/08/2018 12:12

But if your friend is on MN, surely she’ll recognise herself from the description and circumstances you’ve given; I don’t think a name change is much help..

But in answer to your question, it does seem odd for her to leave her child with you when her husband is at home, but he could be struggling with his stomach pain.

Returnofthesmileybar · 23/08/2018 12:13

I'd say it, I would probably have let it slide and just not done it again if it wasn't for the op and all the help you had given, but taking that into account I think she is taking the piss big time.

I would text her "Mary, I feel really taken advantage of, I wasn't going to say anything but I am here looking after your kids because you were stuck, I work, I am tired too and your husband is at home, you are not one bit stuck. I feel like a fool, no I feel you are treating me like a fool and I don't like it, it's not how friends treat each other and given all the recent favours after your op it feels like slap in the face. Please have your dh can collect the kids as soon as possible"

SassitudeandSparkle · 23/08/2018 12:15

But it sounds like you had already agreed to have him for the day - you said he was expected this morning? Is it that you expected her to cancel because her DH was off because you said you 'gladly agreed' to take him?

Possibly not CF but she really thought that your own DD might like her DS to come for the day.

neveradullmoment99 · 23/08/2018 12:15

I think I would let it slide. However I think I would be reluctant to look after her kids in the future.

neveradullmoment99 · 23/08/2018 12:16

..and as above. Maybe your own children like having them around and didn't want to disappoint.

toomanychilder · 23/08/2018 12:17

If it were me I would assume that there was a good reason that the dh couldn't have them.

neveradullmoment99 · 23/08/2018 12:17

Or maybe her kids would have been disappointed if they weren't coming to yours.

MirriVan · 23/08/2018 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Itsmemotherfuckers · 23/08/2018 12:18

I think she should of at least offered to have her dh have them, tell me the change of circumstances no? I have tons to do before I go to work, I’d gladly help but when the goal posts moved she should of told me.

OP posts: