Help me please handle this *possible cheeky fucker*

[Itsmemotherfuckers]

I’ve name changed because I know my friend is on mumsnet

A friend has recently had a big op (bowel related) and has 2 ds one is in my dd class.

They get a lot great and are best friends they are 8. Friend also has a 4 yr old ds who gets a long with my youngest ds.

We do a lot together, days out, holidays etc and friend has not done anything remotely cheeky fuckerish before but I agreed to look after her dc while she went into work for a day as she had no other option. Everyone knows I don’t like looking after other people’s kids, it’s a running joke but I always do whatever I can for my friends.

While the whole op process was going on I did childcare, cooked meals, brought presents and have been there for support.

But today said friend turned up with her ds early morning which was agreed and said her dh is at home today so if I have any problems just let her know and her dh would have them. I was very confused and asked if he was ok, she said he was but had some abdominal pain and was going to rest.

She had to rush off and looked very weird, probably because she knows it’s a bit cheeky.

Am I right in thinking actually if her dh is home then he should be doing childcare? I was asked because she had no other option and was stressing and I gladly agreed.

I’m tired too, my dc were up all night and I work too.

I need to tell her I’m not happy but I don’t know how, please help me.

I don’t quite know brazzle, it was an odd comment. My husband wouldn’t be allowed in my work even for support but I didn’t get time to ask.

I'd ask her when she came to pick her kids up. "X, I was really thrown by what you said this morning. Has your husband been at home all day? Why didn't you let me know - it's been difficult to have them today as I've not been well but I was happy to help you out of a tricky hole. However, I don't understand why he couldn't have looked after them" Then wait. Don't say anything. Let her explain.

When she's given her explanation say "I have been happy to help you out, but I feel a bit taken advantage of today. If you have other childcare options in future, especially if your husband is available to care for his own children, please can you do that before asking me."

Yes, it will probably cool the friendship a bit, but I've been in these situations before. I'm always happy to help out and the kids like having their friends around but there are a couple of people who took advantage and never reciprocated.

I suppose it depends how ill her DH is. If it's just a mild stomach ache then she's a CF and should've made him step up.

However if he's got a horrific bug and can't move then it's probably better for everyone if the original plan is stuck to (ie you having them).

I suppose the issue is it's the former due to the "weird expression " she made.

I think keep them today but when she comes to pick them up, tell her how you feel. You're good friends so it shouldn't affect the friendship.

I'd just be upfront "I've been happy to help out after your op, but it feels like you're taking the piss dropping off a child when DH is at home. Next time you should let people know if circumstances change; I would have been happy for a playdate anyway but not arriving at 7am! I have an awful lot to do myself."

Personally, I'd take the kids home.
I wouldn't get in touch with her first, I'd just go.
If he is anything like the "men" I know, he'll be in his pants and on the Xbox.

I would feel the same, I'd only help out with childcare if there really wasn't another option. It's taking the piss! I would drop them round saying you don't feel well and didn't realise he was at home.

If you aren't well drop them back to the husband after lunch, 7-4 is a very long day. I feel your pain I have a "friend" that is happy for me to have her kid round and take her out for days out but never returns the favour. My husband left 2 weeks ago and she was still happy to send her kid round and hasnt offered to have mine or help. I won't be offering anymore days out or playdates that's for sure! People can just be really selfish unfortunately

Take them home. Maybe leave it til 2pm or so let the kids have their play.

I think this is very dishonest

her dh is at home today so if I have any problems just let her know and her dh would have them

I bet he fancied a day off without the dc. Id at least tell her what you think of this. You sound forthright enough.

I wouldn't say anything, you're at home anyway with your own LO (I think?) but it would be the very last time I looked after her children. They both - but especially him - took advantage of you. People who are obliging and nice tend to be walked over.

They've shown you that your time is unimportant compared to his.

If you've been helping her out, that's a complete piss take.

I wouldn't have them again on principle.

I would certainly drop them back early. Do you have his number? ask him to come and pick them up.

Well if he's got stomach cramps it's likely a bug and may well be passed to you and your kids?!

I can see it’s a bit borderline CF but does it not benefit you having playmates there for the kids so that they amuse each other rather than you having to think up activities? You just need to make sure they eat really don’t you? As a kid I spent entire days aged 8 round at my BFF’s house and her Mum was in the house but she wasn’t actually looking after us IYSWIM. I don’t think there was even a protocol between our Mums as to which house we played in each day (neither worked). We just chose depending on what toys we fancied playing with.

Have you decided what you'll do, OP?

Posted too soon. Meant to say, from your description I think she knows her H is taking the piss, and is embarrassed about it.

So she didn't say anything about the abdominal pain until she saw your confused look?

I hope this has been worth it for her, as it would be totally shading our friendship, if it were me.

This happened to me.
Would I help with picking up DC for school as DF had 3 DC and they were at different schools.
First day,walked in to pick up and her DH was sat there eating a full english
I was gobsmacked because we had got up early,rushed to get there and "he would find it too stressful dropping them off"
I took them that day and never again.