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AIBU?

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Original poster

When it is reasonable to tell a parent you don't agree with their parenting?

80 replies

Noneofmybeeswax · 23/08/2018 11:30

I always thought someone else's child was their business but just recently I have concerns about a child's welfare. I won't go into the ins and outs but long story short the 1 year old child is regularly left unattended in a car for extended periods (30 mins or more). The parent is rarely more than 100 yards away but out of eye sight and ear shot. When the parent returns the kid is often crying.
WWYD? Keep your nose out? Say something to the parent? Report it?

OP posts:
NaomiNagata · 23/08/2018 11:33

Can't you just say "oh, I think I heard your baby screaming from inside the car".

Keep doing it.

Junglefowl · 23/08/2018 11:34

I had a friend who left her child in their secure garage to finish their nap but out of earshot so similarly they were often crying for a while. I didn’t intervene as the child was safe but I think I would say something if the car was outside as they can get hot so quickly?

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 23/08/2018 11:34

NN, the car seems to have excellent sound proofing. You don't know the kid is crying until they return and open the door.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 23/08/2018 11:35

I'd report it as it's not like she would appreciate whatever you had to say.

firawla · 23/08/2018 11:56

If police found out she’d be in massive trouble for this surely? It would be passed on to social services etc... just say to her sis for she worried about that? I’m sure I’ve heard stories of parents being prosecuted and kids taken away over this

Pengggwn · 23/08/2018 12:08

This doesn't sound acceptable to me.

PeaceRaven · 23/08/2018 12:23

From a personal perspective this is widely the norm around horsey folk I’m afraid so I’d be inclined to say nothing and chunter to myself.

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 23/08/2018 12:28

@PeaceRaven - I am "horsey folk" too - good deduction. I never left the kids in the car for more than 5 minutes without checking on them and always had a window ajar so I could hear them. As a one off I could understand it but for this poor kid it's a way of life!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 23/08/2018 12:31

Why is the child being left in the car?

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 23/08/2018 12:41

Nope. Nope. Nope. As the daughter of a police officer I've had it drummed into me how common car jacking and theft are. People in this country don't seem to think about at as it's not in the media but it's a daily occurrence in my step dads role.

I don't even leave my dogs in the car to nip in the house never my kid.

FATEdestiny · 23/08/2018 12:52

I'm assuming the kid is asleep in the carseat and is left to finish the nap?

I used to do this often. I would keep the window open a tiny crack so I could hear when baby woke though.

Booboostwo · 23/08/2018 13:07

I’m horsey folk as well and I wouldn’t do that as described. Both DCs slept in the car, but this was in our farm, middle of nowhere, within sight and with a baby monitor.

Then again i’ve Known people school and jump with the baby in a pram in the middle of the arena and that tops the horsey parent insanity stakes.

PikaPikaTink · 23/08/2018 13:10

If you are a step parent never, even if you are seriously concerned. However, if it is a neighbour and you are not sure what's going on and are guessing call social services Grin

MeyMary · 23/08/2018 13:11

I think it's time to say something (or report it) when a child is harmed or in genuine danger.

Letting a child sleep in a car if it's on your own property, you're nearby and the door is open and/ or with a baby monitor? Sure.

Unable to hear the baby, in a public space, maybe even in the sun/an overheated car?

That's awful and irresponsible imo.

CrispsAndDip · 23/08/2018 13:14

Without wanting to hijack your thread I am in a situation with a neighbour.

The child must be about 6 years old and always looks unkempt.

She is always walking around the cul de sac, is quite rude and runs in front of my car when I approach the drive. She thinks it is a game despite me warning her of the dangers.

She is out quite late at night knocking on the doors of other houses asking for their children who are probably in bed

She used to knock our house and try to make conversation.

Shes out in the rain and cold nights.

Her puppy ran across the road to us and I picked it up. I handed it to her dad who stunk of smoke and alcohol in the middle of the day - although did not appear to be drunk he does give me the creeps though

I have never noticed the Mother, not sure if there is one around!

I think I need to report but am worried in case they find out its me!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 23/08/2018 13:19

When it is reasonable to tell a parent you don't agree with their parenting?

When you have reason to believe the child is at risk of harm. In which case you don't have to discuss it with the parent directly but you should report it.

MeyMary · 23/08/2018 22:01

@CrispsAndDip

You can to report things like this anonymously in most countries... This little girl's situation sounds rather horrible. I feel like you should report it.
There are so many accounts of abused or neglected children talking about how other people (neighbours, family etc) couldn't have missed the signs but let the the abuse / neglect continue... Which is heartbreaking.

PeaceRaven · 24/08/2018 11:34

NoneOfMy no insult intended, and let’s be honest most horse folk are a bit mad.. myself and wife included . It’s just a common thing our way for babies/toddlers to be left in car while mummy sorts out the horse 😄

AndreasFault · 24/08/2018 11:41

If the car is parked within sight I wouldn't worry. I often used to leave mine asleep in the car outside the house - mostly because he was vile when woken, so would prepare food, then out of the car and into the highchair.

Suggest that they should be able to see the car at all times, or strap it in the pushchair and park it somewhere safe.

MeyMary · 24/08/2018 11:41

@PeaceRaven

Aren't you concerned about overheating?

Amanduh · 24/08/2018 11:43

She’s only less than 100 yards away? Doing what? That doesn’t sound dangerous but it depends on the context!

Bezm · 24/08/2018 11:51

Crisps and dips this is a definite phone call to social services as is smacks of neglect.
OP, if this is a parent seeing to horses, the child isn't overheating, or at risk of the car being taken, I would just mention it to her, oh, I heard DD crying again is she ok in the car?,

actualpuffins · 24/08/2018 11:54

I wouldn't bother personally. Social Services have actual concerns to deal with.

Pengggwn · 25/08/2018 14:51

Why are so many people commenting as if being horsey makes a difference? I am confused. The child is either being neglected, or not. That doesn't change depending on what the parent is doing instead. If the parent is carrying out a heart transplant it makes no difference to the actual impact on the child.

user1493413286 · 25/08/2018 14:59

When you know it’s happening I’d call the police to come along and have a word with the mum. It sounds awful for the baby which is essentially what a one year still is.

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