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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When it is reasonable to tell a parent you don't agree with their parenting?

80 replies

Noneofmybeeswax · 23/08/2018 11:30

I always thought someone else's child was their business but just recently I have concerns about a child's welfare. I won't go into the ins and outs but long story short the 1 year old child is regularly left unattended in a car for extended periods (30 mins or more). The parent is rarely more than 100 yards away but out of eye sight and ear shot. When the parent returns the kid is often crying.
WWYD? Keep your nose out? Say something to the parent? Report it?

OP posts:
MorseandLewis · 28/08/2018 11:35

If police found out she’d be in massive trouble for this surely? It would be passed on to social services etc... just say to her sis for she worried about that? I’m sure I’ve heard stories of parents being prosecuted and kids taken away over this

and back in the real world......

Please tell us which children were taken into care and their parents protected for leaving their children in the car 100 yards away.

picklepost · 28/08/2018 11:59

It's really simple; she's breaking the law and you don't need to fret about whether it's ok. Just report it. That's why there's a law about it.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 13:08

@Sue child protection is everyones business

JustDanceAddict · 28/08/2018 13:36

Baby in car - assume it’s someones drive and they have windows open - not hot car then I wouldn’t have issue. I did it and kept on going out to check and sometimes used monitor. Babies cry when they wake from naps in the house too. Obviously if circumstances are different - no ventilation or crying for a long time then speak to the mum. Nicely.

Terriersandtea · 28/08/2018 13:59

I'd say a 1 year old is safer in the car than toddling about on the yard, particularly if it's a busy livery yard and the parent can't keep an eye on them constantly. If I were this parent I would leave windows open and car in earshot and attend to the child if they became upset, or check on them periodically to ensure they were okay, but really I think it sounds like they are doing the safest thing for their little one given the circumstances. It's just not practical to have childcare available repeatedly throughout the day to facilitate caring for horses. I would say anything if I were you OP.

Terriersandtea · 28/08/2018 14:00

Sorry that should read "I wouldn't say anything"

Booboostwo · 28/08/2018 16:32

Goth237 wow thanks for that clarification, parenthood finally makes sense now! Hmm

Llanali · 28/08/2018 20:25

All those saying change your life..... would you recommend how? Not all children are planned, or all horses saleable. Even if you wanted to, you can’t just snap your fingers and wave goodbye. It’s not a car.

Besides, many hundreds of people raise children around farms and horses, doing just this and their children don’t develop attachement issues. Not least because mostly when they are left they are asleep! Or does the PP feel that children shouldn’t be left alone when sleeping in bed either?

handle1 · 28/08/2018 20:30

Report it!!

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 20:40

To be fair they do tell you to keep sleeping newborns in the same room as you and not to leave babies in car seats.

Llanali · 28/08/2018 20:47

They do, but no one on this thread is talking about newborns.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 20:55

True but this child is clearly to young to understand why they have been left in a car and this woman plenty of time to make better arrangements.

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/08/2018 20:56

So, you asked if it's unreasonable. Context helps ameliorate it, but really the answer is no.

General picture is that if police had a report of 1 year old left regularly for 30 mins or more unattended in a car, out of sight and earshot, and she was spotted again at that point, yes, parent would be facing child neglect offences if police turned up and witnessed it.

Suewiang · 28/08/2018 23:54

Snuggly. Most reports are over pointless and stupid things that someone with too much time to waste and poke there noses in to another’s business when there’s nothing wrong.
Seems that the real world passes so many by.
How can leaving a child in a car be a child protection issue unless windows up boiling hot.
There’s no difference to leaving a child in a car seat or in there cot upstairs or any other place that’s safe as long as not too hot.
In fact I’d say most that would leave in the car would be checking more than if there asleep upstairs.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/08/2018 01:04

It's still leaving a child unattended surely? The equivalent would be leaving the child in s cot and going out for half and hour.

Suewiang · 29/08/2018 07:27

Your telling me you sat in the room with your child while it was in its cot are you and you don’t or didn’t go downstairs or in the garden at all ?

SnuggyBuggy · 29/08/2018 09:31

My DD sleeps in a cot in our room right now. Once she moves into her own room I will not be leaving her in a cot or car seat and disappearing out of earshot for long periods.

Suewiang · 29/08/2018 10:37

I’m not talking about night I’m talking about when she’s in the cot during the day your trying say you just sit and watch all the time are you and dont go off and do housework etc. And If in a car in a yard it’s within earshot as the op clearly says she can hear the child cry.so obviously the mum can hear her cry too.

NadiaLeon · 29/08/2018 10:39

Keep out of it. How other people parent is none of your business.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/08/2018 10:40

Sleeping in the cot during the day Grin I wish

But seriously the advice now is for babies under 6 months to sleep in the same room as an adult. Even over 6 months I wouldn't be off riding a horse. She should be leaving the baby with someone.

Thinkingallowed85 · 29/08/2018 10:46

Depends. A secured one year old in a car parked in a private space crying is not much different to a baby crying in their room. You might not agree but it’s not fundamentally unsafe. I’m not into controlled crying but I’ve certainly left my baby crying for a range of reasons from being at the end of my tether and needing a moment to knowing they were crying because they were hungry and I could solve the issue better by quickly making lunch than having a crying baby attached to me.

Where is the car parked?

PrincessScarlett · 29/08/2018 10:52

Yes, where is the car parked? If on a private driveway, I thought it was fairly common for babies to finish their nap in a car seat with mum watching/checking.

MeeWhoo · 29/08/2018 10:57

What do you mean you can't hear the child until they open the door, are the windows shut?
In any case that is way too long. If the windows are shut, child can overheat, if they are open but out of sight it's even easier for someone to break into the car...

SnuggyBuggy · 29/08/2018 10:58

Half an hour while mum rides a horse is very different to on the drive in earshot or 5 minutes while paying for petrol.

Whereismumhiding2 · 30/08/2018 00:19

Sorry, but if you called police and they witnessed 1 year old left unattended in car out of sight and ear shot for over 30 mins, especially if told it was regular occurance (but just the once is enough), they would arrest for alleged child neglect.