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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal with nursery? DH thinks not

60 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 22/08/2018 11:54

Ds2 is 1 & at nursery 3 days a week, for the last couple of months he’s been bitten frequently & now everyday for the last 2 weeks. Same child everytime. It didn’t happen when ds1 was there but he started at 2 so I’ve no previous experience & I’m not sure if I’m reacting appropriately. I’m of the opinion that it’s just something that happens at this age & that beyond modelling good behaviour there isn’t much more nursery can do. DH thinks we should ask them to keep the biter and ds2 apart but I think this is ott & also not practical.

We can’t agree so I’m turning to you wonderful lot for outside opinions.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
combatbarbie · 22/08/2018 11:55

One offs here and there I wouldn't be overly concerned with but regularly I would be and would be raising it with the staff. Are they logging every bite in his log and you signing it?

apriljune12 · 22/08/2018 11:55

Bitten every day for 2 weeks????

Of course that’s not acceptable op would you like it! Angry

I would be withdrawing mine. That’s ridiculous

Finfintytint · 22/08/2018 11:56

You could excuse the rare bite but if the same child is biting your child every day then you should raise it with the nursery.

Thehop · 22/08/2018 11:56

Not normal for it to happen that often, I say this as a nursery worker.
Definitely ask what they’re doing about it.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 22/08/2018 11:58

My nephew is 1 and he bites when trying to give someone a kiss Blush Not saying it's definitely that but it could possibly be?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 22/08/2018 11:58

Thats horrible. Your child will get scared of going there. Your DH is right.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 22/08/2018 12:00

Biting is normal at that age ....my DS was a biter. Every day is not normal though so I would be asking what they're doing to prevent it. We really kept an eye on it when we were at home to reinforce the message.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 22/08/2018 12:00

My child is a biter, but even I would say that every day for two weeks is not normal. By the same child??? Definitely needs to be looked into more.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 22/08/2018 12:00

Nursery should be dealing with this & putting measures in place to prevent it.

If they are failing to do this then you definitely should be doing this on your DC's behalf.

Were you not even going to mention this? Did you think bringing this up with the staff was being OTT?

If you aren't going to stick up for his welfare, and neither are the staff, then I feel really sorry for your DC.

Sorry if that's harsh.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 22/08/2018 12:01

I would definitely have a word with the nursery (the boss) to discuss your concerns. Getting bitten every day is really not acceptable!
If they can’t keep the biter away from other kids, maybe the biter needs to leave.
If you are otherwise happy with the nursery why should you have to move your child?

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 22/08/2018 12:01

I would find that completely unacceptable.

They should be keeping them apart if it is this frequent - call a meeting and find what action plan they have in place

SlowlyShrinking · 22/08/2018 12:01

It’s normal that some children bite, but not normal that the nursery are not stopping it happening as much as they possibly can. Your poor ds!!

Original poster
Ownerofalittlechimp · 22/08/2018 12:01

I do sign a form everytime & I think the other child is put in time out each time.

I’m not keen on the idea of withdrawing him tbh, it’s a great nursery in every other respect & the rest in our area are either prohibitively expensive (think £85 a day) or terrible & we have no local childminders with vacancies.

What can I reasonably ask them to do?

OP posts:
CatPatrol · 22/08/2018 12:02

They need to be surpervising properly and if the child who is biting continues, then they need to reassess if that child can continue coming to the nursery.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 22/08/2018 12:03

It’s not unreasonable to ask them what THEY intend to do.

kaytee87 · 22/08/2018 12:05

My 2yo has been at nursery either 2 half days or 1 full day a week since he turned 1. He's never bitten anyone or been bitten by anyone.

I'd just say to the nursery that you don't find it acceptable and ask what they plan to do to keep your child safe from harm.

Original poster
Ownerofalittlechimp · 22/08/2018 12:05

Thank you for everyone’s response’s so far, really helpful. I don’t mind if some are harsh, I genuinely wanted outsiders perspective as it’s new territory for me. Plus DM & MIL also said normal behaviour.

I’ll speak with them tomorrow when I drop him off.

OP posts:
Nothisispatrick · 22/08/2018 12:06

Not acceptable at all. Time out is not going to work on such young children. They need to be preventing the biting, not just punishing the child then getting you to sign a form.

RatherBeRiding · 22/08/2018 12:06

I think it's quite reasonable to ask nursery what they intend to do to prevent your child being bitten every single day.

One off - it happens.

Every day, same child - ask them what measures they are going to put in place.

mehhh · 22/08/2018 12:07

If it was a one off here and there but being bitten every day for 2 weeks is absolutely not acceptable, are the parents of this child aware? I would definitely raise this as a massive issue with nursery if my child was being bitten everyday.. is the other child much older? X

kaytee87 · 22/08/2018 12:07

It is very normal for small children to bite, it doesn't mean it's ok for your child to be bitten every single day and the nursery not deal with it.

tiredteddy123 · 22/08/2018 12:08

Biting is absolutely normal behaviour at that age BUT it is the nursery's responsibility to manage that behaviour effectively and protect your child.

They should have a policy for managing this behaviour which they can share with you and at the very least the biting child's key worker should ensure he/she is kept away from your child

blueskiesandforests · 22/08/2018 12:09

Every day is not normal. Is your child still happy to go to nursery?

Nursery need to put measures in place to supervise the biter very closely until the phase ends.

A one off is par for the course but it's a very, very small minority of children who bite other children every day. It's usually a phase but once a child is a known biter they need far closer supervision until the phase is definitely over.

Ask for a meeting with nursery and make it clear that extra supervision needs to be put in place to get this under control. Where the headcount isn't available the biter might be moved to a room with older children on a trial basis, if babies are the usual target.

Butterymuffin · 22/08/2018 12:09

Toddlers do have phases of being 'biters' and nursery should have a plan for this. Every day though doesn't sound like it's working. Is there more than one room for DS's age group and if so could you ask if there is space for the biter to be moved to another room, even temporarily?

Hadalifeonce · 22/08/2018 12:10

You can reasonably ask the nursery to prevent your child being assaulted by another child. If they fail to do that I would mention to them, that they are failing in their duty of care to your child, and will assess what further steps to take.