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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this normal with nursery? DH thinks not

60 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 22/08/2018 11:54

Ds2 is 1 & at nursery 3 days a week, for the last couple of months he’s been bitten frequently & now everyday for the last 2 weeks. Same child everytime. It didn’t happen when ds1 was there but he started at 2 so I’ve no previous experience & I’m not sure if I’m reacting appropriately. I’m of the opinion that it’s just something that happens at this age & that beyond modelling good behaviour there isn’t much more nursery can do. DH thinks we should ask them to keep the biter and ds2 apart but I think this is ott & also not practical.

We can’t agree so I’m turning to you wonderful lot for outside opinions.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
FromNowOn · 22/08/2018 13:14

The OP isn't allowed to know what is happening with the other child's parents.

We are told if they’ve spoken to the other parents.

RomanyRoots · 22/08/2018 13:18

Small children bite, but if the nursery are incapable of caring for your child then you should leave.
Mine would be gone after the second time tbh, because the problem hasn't been sorted if it continues.
Why is your child still there, poor love. Sad

PrettyLovely · 22/08/2018 13:18

The nursery sounds rubbish, I would pull my child out.

DrWhy · 22/08/2018 13:20

The frequency does seem unreasonable. I’m on the other side of this DS is nearly two and a couple of weeks back we had two days in a row at nursery where we were told he’d bitten someone. They kind of gave away who it was by saying that it was someone who he plays with a lot and I know who his ‘best friend’ is, they’ve been an inseparable pair since they started walking! I apologised to the mum and said we’d do all we could but he rarely bites at home, she said she’d actully seen bite marks on her DS more often than the nursery had mentioned it so they obviously didn’t even always see it - I was mortified. It wasn’t fighting or frustration in the cases that nursery saw it seemed to be either excitement or teething and failing the understand that you could bite things but not people, he’s late with some of his teeth and they seem to be really causing him issues at times.
Nursery watched him like a hawk, the teeth seemed to settle after a few days and we spent lots of time explaining that teeth are for food not biting people. As far as I know it has stopped and I hope it doesn’t restart.
Nursery take an approach of giving the bitee lots of attention and putting the biter away from them and not giving them attention and then encouraging them to say sorry. We’ve done the same at home. I think in our case it would have upset both boys to be separated.

Racecardriver · 22/08/2018 13:25

Child never bitten in his time at nursery. So I can't say it sluvds normal but then again if there is a biter maybe it is. I was only ever bitten by one child in my childhood, he was nightmare who bit every child he came into contact with for about 5 years.

OctaviaOctober · 22/08/2018 13:44

Tell them you are very concerned that he is being injured by the same child every day. Ask them what they have done to try and prevent it. Punishment after the fact is almost irrelevant for two young children.

pallisers · 22/08/2018 13:50

They need to be supervising properly and if the child who is biting continues, then they need to reassess if that child can continue coming to the nursery.

exactly this. I had 3 through daycare and we had the odd biting/bitten incident but every day by the same child is ridiculous. It can't be pleasant for your child either. When we signed the contract with the daycare it was explicitly stated that if our child was biting and they couldn't control it, he would be asked to leave. good luck with asking them how they plan on dealing with this problem - the solution needs to be immediate. either they supervise the child properly or the child isn't suitable for nursery.

Spanglylycra · 22/08/2018 13:56

Little "nips" ok. Regular frequent biting not acceptable. This happened at our nursery to my daughter who was very badly bitten by a repeat offender. I knew exactly who had done it and said I didn't want him anywhere near her. He was put on 1:1 supervision which obviously costs the nursery money. I believe they felt he had bigger issues and were working to try and resolve them so I feel for the child but ultimately nursery can't change in 1.5 days a week what is going on with him the rest of the time and my duty is to my daughter. He did it several more times and I think the parents got fed up of being called in to discuss so he left. Do what you have to do to protect your child.

Maryann1975 · 22/08/2018 13:57

I’m a childminder and look after a child who bites, normally the same child. I am so hyper aware of it, as soon as biter is near his ‘victim’, I’m there, moving him away, intervening. I do not want to be having to tell parents that there has been an incident.

If it is happening every day, I wonder if the nursery staff just aren’t ‘on it’. A biter needs really close supervision, not just staff member watching from a chair, but with the member of staff close enough to intervene as soon as the two children are close together.

CarrotVan · 22/08/2018 14:36

Your question should be "how will they ensure my child is kept safe?" and if the answer isn't good enough then you look for alternative provider

For context in the 4 years my eldest was an nursery he was bitten three times and didn't bite anyone. There was a child who was a biter and also one who was a head butter. They were very closely supervised and there was a lot of observation to spot triggers.

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