Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal with nursery? DH thinks not

60 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 22/08/2018 11:54

Ds2 is 1 & at nursery 3 days a week, for the last couple of months he’s been bitten frequently & now everyday for the last 2 weeks. Same child everytime. It didn’t happen when ds1 was there but he started at 2 so I’ve no previous experience & I’m not sure if I’m reacting appropriately. I’m of the opinion that it’s just something that happens at this age & that beyond modelling good behaviour there isn’t much more nursery can do. DH thinks we should ask them to keep the biter and ds2 apart but I think this is ott & also not practical.

We can’t agree so I’m turning to you wonderful lot for outside opinions.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 22/08/2018 12:10

My son once hurt someone (I can't remember if it was bitten or scratched?), so I am the other mother in this.

Nursery discussed it with me on collection, the following week he was badly behaved again but didn't hurt anyone as such.

Anyway we had a meeting that I arranged as I wanted to make sure this didn't continue, what we realised that my son was getting very ratty and tired, but would no longer nap.

So what we decided together, was after lunch my son had quiet time, one key worker and him sat on the cushions with books, lay down etc. He never misbehaved or hurt anyone again.

I had also spoke to him about it at home and asked him why he'd hurt child etc.

So maybe speak to nursery, ask times of incidents, see if there is a prevention, and ask what is being said to other mum?

Foodylicious · 22/08/2018 12:14

Happens occasionally, but definitely they are not doing enough if it's daily!

What are they doing to interact with and keep the other child occupied in positive activity?
How many other children are being bitten?

So they won't be able to tell you which other children have been bitten but they should be able to give you an indication of total numbers of incidents a day/week.

I second pp's comment.

The questions are definitely what u5s their current risk management plan to reduce this from happening?
And if that does not sound like enough, or you are unhappy with their response at all, then it's up to them to tell you What THEY are going to do about it.

Mostly do not worry about upsetting them.
They are falling way below expected standards.

LovingLola · 22/08/2018 12:16

It's probably normal in a nursery with poor standards.
Is your child not terrified going in? Would you like to be bitten every day???

Spikeyball · 22/08/2018 12:17

Some children get into a habit of biting one particular child so keeping them apart is perfectly reasonable as part of resolving this. The nursery should be dealing with this more effectively. It is not that an unusual behaviour.

JaretsGirlfren · 22/08/2018 12:18

I used to be a nursery nurse and unfortunately biting does happen occasionally but every day for two weeks is crazy. There was a child in my room who continually bit so she was given 1-1 attention by a member of staff and not included in the room ratio. She wasn’t aware of this set up but having one person continually watching her helped a lot and she soon stopped and we didn’t need to do this any more. Maybe this could be suggested to your DS nursery?

FanWithoutAGuard · 22/08/2018 12:21

When DS1 was bitten, I was told at pickup, and they told me they were keeping an eye on both of them (they didn't say who bit, but, well, 3 year olds can't wait to tell tales, so of course we knew - and the mum apologised, and I assured her it was fine, these things happen, which it did, the next week, in the opposite direction!).

Biting is normal, but, it should be managed, and if it's happened every day for 2 weeks, they're not managing it.

Foodylicious · 22/08/2018 12:21

If you are not happy with the outcome of your conversation with them you could make a formal complaint.
I think you might be able to ring Ofstead for advice if needed.

Foodylicious · 22/08/2018 12:23

Good luck with speaking to them Ownerofalittlechimp

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 22/08/2018 12:25

Biting is totally normal - I had twin biters BlushShock - but the frequency is not. As pp have said, nursery should be managing it. Might be difficult but that’s tough really, they have a duty of care to your son.

Weepingangels · 22/08/2018 12:28

They are failing to protect your son. They should be keeping the biter away from.him and assessing the child's behaviour. You need to complain a lot. This isn't on.

mistermagpie · 22/08/2018 12:29

My DS is at nursery two days a week and is 16mo. He has been bitten once and the nursery couldn't have been more apologetic. He's a biter himself but luckily hasn't bitten anyone at nursery (yet). His brother was bitten a couple of times at that age too. Every day is not normal at all and they should be doing something about it but time out doesn't really work at that age in my experience. So the answer is greater supervision.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/08/2018 12:29

Definitely not nomal. My child has been bitten a couple of times and went through a biting stage when a bit older (1.5 maybe)

We were given books to read, nursery checked with us about disciplining at home (it didn't really happen there much as wasn't the same fight over toys etc) and given books to read and told if it continued we would have to take her out to safeguard the other kids. And this was after only a few incidents.

If it is every day then they are not looking after your child properly as they are leaving them with a known biter without enough supervision or intervention. They need to remove the child, supervise more closely, or remove the situation that's causing the biting (for instance if it's a fight about a particular toy they need to remove it or get an extra one). What they can't do it just continue to let it happen without taking additional steps to prevent it as they are then knowingly letting your child get injured every day which isn't acceptable

FromNowOn · 22/08/2018 12:29

I would want to know what the nursery are doing about it. Have they even spoken to the other parents? Your DH is not being OTT.

apriljune12 · 22/08/2018 12:33

Call a meeting op ASAP and ask them their action plan.

Yes toddlers bite that’s not the issue but it has to be pre empted and managed.

Being bitten every day isn’t them managing the situation.

Your dh is completely right

cakecakecheese · 22/08/2018 12:33

Every day?! I agree that biting happens but every day is unacceptable.

Apparently I kept biting my sister when I was little. My Mum says it was because I was in hospital and didn't like sharing my Mum with my sister once I was back home. These days you'd maybe try to work out the reason and sit down with the child to explain things to them but this was the 80s so my Mum bit me to show how horrible it was. It did work to be fair.

Sandstormbrewing · 22/08/2018 12:34

Biting is normal toddler behaviour, though not all children bite and I would expect my child to be on the receiving end of a bite may once or twice. I would also expect my child to bite once or twice.

Everyday? By the same child? That is negligence on the side of the nursery. They need better supervision of the biter, better supervision of your child and a strategy in place.

There may well be additional issues with the biter (SS intervention, additional needs etc) or there may not, it doesn't really matter. They have a duty of care to prevent your child getting hurt.

Spikeyball · 22/08/2018 12:34

The OP isn't allowed to know what is happening with the other child's parents.

MadeForThis · 22/08/2018 12:44

I'd be concerned about the levels of supervision. Yes biting happens fast but if this child is biting your dc every day they may be biting others too. There needs to be a plan to manage this.

Obviously this won't involve you but you need to know that actions are being taken to address this.

You and your dc need to trust that Nursery is a safe place.

BITCAT · 22/08/2018 12:46

Totally agree with everyone else. Biting is a normal part of development but everyday is too much. They need to address it and also address the parents of the biter too.
I would be mortified if my child was biting another child everyday. Not acceptable

Themissingpuzzlepiece · 22/08/2018 12:48

My child is a biter and has been know to attempt several times daily. Nursery brought it up with me within his first week as I had signed forms daily. They mentioned that he now has an allocated worker who shadows him to ensure they can block possible bites or, better yet, watch his behaviour and distract/redirect before he gets to the point if biting. They are observing to find the trigger points of the biting and working to desensitise my child to it so that biting is less likely to occur. I was also offered support to help tackle the behaviour (though this may be due to my child's more 'complex needs, I'm not sure). The nursery should be role modelling within the setting and working alongside the parents so that the message to the child is consistent.

I would say you have a right to know how they are addressing the situation with the child that bites. It is not acceptable to allow a child to be hurt daily and I would be concerned that they don't seem to be taking a proactive or preventative approach.

user789653241 · 22/08/2018 12:49

My ds has never been bitten, and he bit someone once.
It happens, but not everyday. That must be horrible for your dc. I would def speak to the nursery.

DanSullivan · 22/08/2018 13:02

Biting is normal, but the frequency and it not being managed effectively is not. It’s not fair on your DS and his peers, or on the biting child for the nursery to not be managing and supporting this behaviour.

steff13 · 22/08/2018 13:07

They need to be supervising properly and if the child who is biting continues, then they need to reassess if that child can continue coming to the nursery.

This. My co-worker's daughter got "fired" from daycare for biting.

mummyof2boys30 · 22/08/2018 13:09

I used to work in a nursery. We had a biter in our group and at points he would of bit numerous kids a day. We had to put lne member of staff with him and he was shadowed every minute of day to try and prevent it. He still managed bite but not same amount

Jackiebrambles · 22/08/2018 13:12

I agree with PP. Biting very normal and there was definitely a frequent biter in my DS' group. But we are talking 3 bites in around 6 months probably. Every day and the same child is crazy!

They need to be on top of this more and providing really close supervision of the biter to make sure that they know when it could happen so they can step in. I don't think you can tell them you want them kept separately, but it's reasonable to ask them what they intend to do about it. And if it doesn't stop it, then you can take it further?