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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH thinks I’m being pretentious

346 replies

ramalamadingdong1 · 21/08/2018 23:25

This is so ridiculous but DH and I have been having a jokey arguement about this tonight and I think he IBU but I’m prepared to be told different.

I’ve recently bought a shelves for our living room and have started putting book on it. I’m an avid reader and fluentish in another language having studied it at university and lived in the country. I’ve put the English versions of the books I studied on the shelf and love getting them down to read parts of them.

My DH is not a reader and can’t understand this. However, a friend of his was round the other night and commented on the books. I explained I’d studied them at university in their original language and still enjoyed reading them albeit in English.

Tonight my DH laughingly said he thought I sounded pretentious going on about university and keeping these books on display. I only answered a question about them and there were plenty of other books there!

Now I’m wondering if I should just hide my books!

WIBU to display them?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/08/2018 11:44

I think I would consider it pretentious if you seldom to never got the books down and gave that response. If however you do regularly read them it wouldn't be pretentious at all, just factual.

oohyoudevilyou · 22/08/2018 12:05

You can tell so much about a person just looking at what they've read or are reading.

Oh God, reminds me of an early visit to my now In Law's, when I had a nose through their bookcase, and found The Joy of Sex and the Perfumed Garden nestled amongst the Catherine Cooksons and Bill Brysons Shock!

Eliza9917 · 22/08/2018 12:07

It is my aim to one day have a library. A room completely lined with bookshelves, floor to ceiling, and get all our books out of boxes & all over the house in to one room.

Fortunately DP is also a massive reader and is on board.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 12:11

Good grief. Educated people like books and wish to have them in their homes. A room looks dead without books.
I have spent a considerable part of the last two weeks attending to our books of which there are many.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 12:12

There is nothing wrong with Bill Bryson! He is a very amusing and observant American!

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 12:14

One of our public rooms is in fact a library room. Library sounds a bit pretentious, I have to say. There are thousands of books.

Dahlietta · 22/08/2018 12:24

There is nothing wrong with Bill Bryson! He is a very amusing and observant American!

I don't think it was the Bill Bryson that was raising oohyoudevilyou's eyebrows.... Grin

HairyBaby · 22/08/2018 12:28

Honestly, I don't know how you two made it to the altar.

Indeed. How could a reader be attracted to someone who thinks reading and the 'evidence' of reading, ie books is pretentious? I mean, what's his idea of a good time? Smearing mud on his face and grunting? Is that a nice nonpretentious activity? Hmm

BarbaraofSevillle · 22/08/2018 12:30

You’re only pretentious if you own the books purely for display having never read them

Exactly. It's also outdated to equate 'having lots of visible books' as evidence as to whether or not someone reads.

People may have lots of books and have not read them. People may spend all day every day reading and have hundreds or thousands of books and not have a physical book in the house because they're all on a kindle, which suits some people better.

Books can be just dusty clutter. Overt display is not necessary or necessarily an indicator of a well read person.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 12:32

I could never regard books as “clutter”.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 22/08/2018 12:41

My ex was not a reader . He hated books on display as he considered them clutter. He would get the hump with me on holiday for reading too much. It caused a lot of tension as reading is one of my favourite things to do.

Luckily my DH loves books as much as I do and our house is full to bursting. DS is starting to love books too which makes me happy and if that makes me pretentious then do be it!
As other people have said - the world would be a better place if people read more.

JacquesHammer · 22/08/2018 12:44

I have 40+ copies of one book alone Grin

Buying a book in a different language and pretending to have read it would be pretentious. Having books you've read is never pretentious.

I’m lucky enough to have a library/music room - it’s an extra sitting room with twelve bookcases and my piano

I have a music room too. It was intended to house books too except the shelves are now filled with music and music related books Grin

Racecardriver · 22/08/2018 12:46

YABU for marrying someone who doesn't read.

Myheartbelongsto · 22/08/2018 12:47

Why are so many women married to twats.

Racecardriver · 22/08/2018 12:47

Also books make good insulation on a bookshelf against a wall.

Figlessfig · 22/08/2018 12:50

You have books. You want somewhere suitable to put them. You put up shelves. You put the books on the shelves. From time to time you take one down and read it.

This is what people do. You say your DH is “not a reader”. Is that a nice way of saying “thick as shit and semi-literate”?

Keep the books where they are and rethink the DH.

clarabellski · 22/08/2018 12:52

OP what you did is not pretentious

THIS is pretentious

Eliza9917 · 22/08/2018 12:52

@RoseWhiteTips Wed 22-Aug-18 12:14:46
Library sounds a bit pretentious, I have to say.

What else would you call it? I suppose it caould be called the reading room, but that sounds just as wanky really.

clarabellski · 22/08/2018 12:53

edit:

Meant to link to the tumblr not the underlying image: fuckyournoguchicoffeetable.tumblr.com/

RibbonAurora · 22/08/2018 12:55

Ah, BlaaBlaaBlaa, see that's a control thing. Some people see reading as an exclusionary activity that they can't participate in and therefore your attention is not fixed on them. You're present but not present while you're doing it and they don't like that. My ex was like that, he'd be watching something on tv I wasn't interested in so I'd pick up my book and he'd find that annoying. And I was often told by a visiting aunt when I was a child that reading quietly in a corner or even another room while the grown ups were chatting (and didn't want a child in the conversation anyway) was rude and I should go out to play instead.

Biologifemini · 22/08/2018 12:56

Checking out the books and music on selves is such a great way to get to know someone and start a conversation.
I miss going through friends music collections.
Not pretentious at all.

Kewcumber · 22/08/2018 12:58

I don;t think your DH understands what pretentious means. Trying to impress by by pretending to know more than you actually do.

The word he's looking for is "educated"

headinhands · 22/08/2018 13:02

How on earth are your books on your shelf on display? I'd understand if they were all individually displayed as pictured but your dh is being daft. According to him my fruit bowl is 'on display.' As is my TV magazine and my dying pot plant

DH thinks I’m being pretentious
Chocolala · 22/08/2018 13:03

Books are heavy. If you pile enough up you can sometimes cause ceilings below to crack.

Yanbu. But YABU for liking Sophie KinsellaGrin

headinhands · 22/08/2018 13:05

Maybe he just felt a bit insecure that you came across as a bit more learned and intellectual as him?

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