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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH thinks I’m being pretentious

346 replies

ramalamadingdong1 · 21/08/2018 23:25

This is so ridiculous but DH and I have been having a jokey arguement about this tonight and I think he IBU but I’m prepared to be told different.

I’ve recently bought a shelves for our living room and have started putting book on it. I’m an avid reader and fluentish in another language having studied it at university and lived in the country. I’ve put the English versions of the books I studied on the shelf and love getting them down to read parts of them.

My DH is not a reader and can’t understand this. However, a friend of his was round the other night and commented on the books. I explained I’d studied them at university in their original language and still enjoyed reading them albeit in English.

Tonight my DH laughingly said he thought I sounded pretentious going on about university and keeping these books on display. I only answered a question about them and there were plenty of other books there!

Now I’m wondering if I should just hide my books!

WIBU to display them?

OP posts:
MiddlingMum · 22/08/2018 13:06

Keep the books and change the DH.

But don't send him here, a friend once described our house as a residential library.

pigsDOfly · 22/08/2018 13:07

What an incredibly empty sort of attitude to life to think that possessing books and putting them on a bookshelf is pretentious.

All my books have to be housed in the room where I keep my laptop and printer for the simple reason that I don't have enough room for them in my living room. I've never before not had my living room full of books and it bothers me.

Children growing up in a home without a lot of good quality reading close to hand are being failed in the education stakes surely.

He sounds a bit dim I'm sorry to say.

StoatofDisarray · 22/08/2018 13:10

Put the original language ones up there. That'll really upset him.

No, you're not being pretentious, OP. They're books, not framed photos of you meeting famous people with a banner saying "Blessed" over the top. Books are stored on bookshelves so that the owner can get them down and read them. Tell him to grow up.

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/08/2018 13:13

The OP is strangely silent on this thread (apart from the Sophie Kinsella comment) so I'll just point out again that it wasn't the display of books that her DH said was pretentious IMO.

Tonight my DH laughingly said he thought I sounded pretentious going on about university and keeping these books on display.

If you left University last year then fine, it's recent history. I'm just wondering if Uni was a long time ago for you and you've only started re-reading the books since you put them on the shelf nearby (which is fine but may seem a tenuous connection to your DH).

Whatthefoxgoingon · 22/08/2018 13:14

Oh dear. Your DH would hate me then. We have a library with thousands of books. We haven’t even read a small percentage of them yet. Pretentious moi? Grin

RibbonAurora · 22/08/2018 13:14

One of our public rooms is in fact a library room. Library sounds a bit pretentious, I have to say.

And of course stating that 'one of our public rooms is in fact a library room' isn't at all pretentious.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 22/08/2018 13:17

I can’t call our room full of books anything other than a library. Bookshelves from floor to ceiling. Old comfy chairs. Floor lamps for reading. There’s even a ladder. Yup, it’s a library.

Hoveringhobbit · 22/08/2018 13:19

I’m lucky enough to have a library/music room - it’s an extra sitting room with twelve bookcases and my piano

When we moved into our new flat last year, I earmarked one of the, as yet, undeveloped areas to become my library. My 'D'H seems to think it would make a great bathroom. No. It is my library. Only me and my DD and DDog will be allowed in. The rest of my family are philistines.....when we moved my 'D'H took a box of my books to the tip because ''we have too many books'' confused

Aragog · 22/08/2018 13:20

I never understand these houses that don't have books.

We don't really have novels on bookcases, simply as me and DD do almost all our reading on a Kindle. DH does have a Kindle but also has ''proper' books too - but he never rereads - they are usually shared with his parents or friends, and when they've all finished with them they go to the charity shop for others to read.

I do have books in the house, just not those kind of books. In the kitchen I have an awful lot of cookery books, which I do use.
In the living room, we have some books - mainly travel guides of places we have been over the years, or going to in the near future. I like to keep them next to our photobooks so we can look back over them. We also have non fiction type books there too, and reference guides.
In DD's study she has some old favourites from childhood, and book sets from previously such as Harry Potter, Narnia, etc. plus several books related to school studies - books read in English Lit, plays for Drama, etc.

So, just because some people don't have lots of books out, doesn't mean they don't read a lot.

I also don't think its pretentious to have books on display though.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 22/08/2018 13:20

Hovering, LTB. Its the only way. Grin

FrankieChips · 22/08/2018 13:22

You don't sound pretentious! He sounds a bit insecure.

DeltaG · 22/08/2018 13:23

OP, your DH is jealous that you have a degree and he doesn't, that's what his comments are really about.

It never ceases to amaze me how many men are threatened by a woman with a higher level of education than them. I have a chemistry PhD and have experienced it multiple times, both professionally and personally. It's not like I go on about it either, it's usually them making some snidey little comment. For example, if I disagree with them, it can be met with 'oh you think you know better because you've got a PhD do you?'

Never had this from women. Still, I guess they don't suffer from small dick syndrome.

LeftRightCentre · 22/08/2018 13:26

Why are so many women married to twats.

This.

I can read in 4 different languages and have hundreds of books, many of which are in our sitting room. DH is severely dyslexic and has no books. We rub along just fine.

Hoveringhobbit · 22/08/2018 13:31

Whatthefox we have had words. I think he understands that he is wrong.

CoolCarrie · 22/08/2018 13:37

YANBU it’s not pretentious to say you read, and can read in other languages, he is being a twit about. People without books in their lives are odd imho!

YouCanCallMeNancy · 22/08/2018 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BloodyDisgrace · 22/08/2018 13:43

Don't hide the books.
If the husband said what he said laughingly then maybe leave it. But if he makes any other comment about "pretentiousness", best set him right. It's your interests, your world - and you aren't to apologise for that to anybody.

PolkaDoting · 22/08/2018 13:58

I am going to go against the grain here, and say that displaying books that you will never read again (which is what most people do) is pretentious. I took most of my books to charity shops when I realised that the sole reason I have them on my shelves was in order to signify something about my intellect to new guests.

NameChangedAgain18 · 22/08/2018 14:06

I always feel a little bit sad when I go to a house with no books on display.

Virtually all of my books (just over 1000) are in my office at work. Same with my DH’s (he has more books than me). We are both academics. Our house is tiny and can only accommodate one bookcase downstairs (which contains mainly recipe books and travel guides). All of our novels are on a Kindle due to space issues. I’d like a bigger house with room for a large study, but those pesky academic salaries don’t buy much in our neck of the woods. So, yes, it makes me sad too, but I try to count my blessings!

Chowmum · 22/08/2018 14:15

There are no books in our living room.

They're all in our library.

Grin
Ethylred · 22/08/2018 14:21

"a shelves"??
YABU for that.

TatianaLarina · 22/08/2018 14:29

I am going to go against the grain here, and say that displaying books that you will never read again (which is what most people do) is pretentious.

Disagree ‘most’ people display books they’ll never read again. Generally people throw out books they have no interest in and keep books that they may want to read again or for reference.

You must have missed the bit in the OP that says:

I’m an avid reader...love getting them down to read parts of them.

Only in this philistine country could books be regarded as pretentious.

mellicauli · 22/08/2018 14:32

I guess I can see his point: it would be pretentious if he displayed the books as he has never read them and doesn't speak the language. As you do speak the language it isn't at all pretentious to display them. What would be pretentious would be to pretend you don't love these books and to hide them. Because this IS you and if he doesn't like it, you have problems.

NameChangedAgain18 · 22/08/2018 14:40

Only in this philistine country could books be regarded as pretentious.

Welcome to Britain, where ignorance is strength. We are the only nation to have an actual saying (“too clever by half”) which indicates that intelligence is something to be suspicious of.

bringincrazyback · 22/08/2018 14:54

He sounds insecure. As a language graduate I own books in 3 languages and my ex used to be a little this way about it.

Just don't watch 'Educating Rita' with him or he might go getting ideas. Grin