DH thinks I’m being pretentious

[ramalamadingdong1]

This is so ridiculous but DH and I have been having a jokey arguement about this tonight and I think he IBU but I’m prepared to be told different.

I’ve recently bought a shelves for our living room and have started putting book on it. I’m an avid reader and fluentish in another language having studied it at university and lived in the country. I’ve put the English versions of the books I studied on the shelf and love getting them down to read parts of them.

My DH is not a reader and can’t understand this. However, a friend of his was round the other night and commented on the books. I explained I’d studied them at university in their original language and still enjoyed reading them albeit in English.

Tonight my DH laughingly said he thought I sounded pretentious going on about university and keeping these books on display. I only answered a question about them and there were plenty of other books there!

Now I’m wondering if I should just hide my books!

WIBU to display them?

He's a twat, I never understand these houses that don't have books. We have 7 bookcases full of books and this is downsized from last year when we had to get rid of about 500 books.
He is just jealous...maybe he could make an effort and read something himself so he can 'share' the bookcase if it is that much of a problem.

Honestly, I don't know how you two made it to the altar.

WTF?

But it sounds like the guest was making conversation, like we all do when we go to peoples houses. Asking about books people have on their shelves is a great conversation starter, you find things in common, discover recommendations and if you are lucky, might come away with a loan of something.

If that’s pretentious, I’m joining the club.

@Birdinthetree
"I used to know a man who bought used classics to display in his home - used because he wanted women to think he had read them."

If I was going to be impressed/interested in people's books it would definitely lead to a conversation about the actual book - I wonder how he navigated that!

OP, YADNBU. Your husband is.

Not pretentious, many working class people, even miners(!) have educated themselves by reading, working class organisations and unions set up colleges and classes. In poor countries children walk barefoot for miles to get to school, parents go without food to enable them.
These days you can get info everywhere but a love of books is a great thing. Has your dp got a cycling medal, darts trophy, swimming certificate, qualification or any mark of achievement to put on display

He is BU but you’ll probably have to put it in language he understands.

“It’s not my fault you’re a bit of a divvy” should get the messsge across.

Has DH got any other grievances against you stored up ready to come out when he feels threatened?

My ex did this, the remarks seemed to come out of nowhere at times, and in hindsight I would rather have known all of what was going on in his head so I could have at least tackled them. Not-so-passive aggression is what it was I later realised.

Can't beat a nice pretentious bookshelf - love my collection of orange Penguin Classics (and keep my Sophie Kinsellas in the bedside drawer)

JeanieLouToo I am also reminded of Jeanette Winterson's mother who said "The trouble with a book is you never know what's in it until it's too late"

Wow. We have bookcases in every single room in the house, except the utility room. I don't 'edit' the books, they just get put away randomly (although the kitchen does mainly have cookbooks).

tell your DH it's weird NOT to have books.

Do you have kids? Surely you'd want them to grow up in a home with books?

oohyoudevilyou

Bloody love Sophie Kinsella

A good book to buy him which I'm pretty sure he'd find funny and is an excellent insight into male socialisation and why he might be chippy is "How Not To Be a Man, by Robert Mitchell

Putting books you love on a bookshelf is not pretentious.

your DH sounds silly. Books on display?! His friend sounds even more silly. Probably just a chip on his shoulder that he’s not well read. He would dread coming to our house - we have Latin books - ‘on dispay’ How very pretentious indeed!

I have no more shelf space for books but I need a lot more books

“If you go home with somebody and they don’t have any books, don’t fuck ‘em!” John Waters quote.

HV also commented on the bookshelves in my home. She said it reassured her when she saw this - it was a small part of her assessment but she did say she always worried a little when there were no books on show in homes with children.

I actually think this is a rather short-sighted and judgemental thing to say. We have hundreds of books here-‘on show’ in the study and dining room, neither of which a HV would have ever been in as they came to the kitchen/lounge. Would she have been a ‘little bit’ concerned about us, despite weekly library visits, a real love of reading and several post-grad qualifications between us?!

I rather feel she’s missed the point.

I would be the one asking about the books. I love books and seeing what people have on their shelves. We have bookshelves full of classics and DH’s art books and it probably does look a bit pretentious, but I read them so why shouldn’t they be there? People often ask as I have many books of fairy tales from around the world that I used for my dissertation and I think it is nice they are interested.

A fair few of my friends don’t like to read, but have books in their home because they like the feel of a house with books in it. Maybe your husband feels a little threatened or embarrassed because he doesn’t share your passion, but don’t let that diminish yours

Ajaslipstick
I know you were joking but just to say, my Dad grew up in a 1930s mining town, he went to Uni a year early (as so bright) to do English Lit. He was incredibly well read & gave me my love of books (&films).

Nothing dresses a room like a bookcase. They make home feel comfortable, welcoming and lived it.

Never, ever be ashamed of reading. I think the world would be a much better place if people read more.

Holidayshopping I was thinking similar. How lovely to see books, not like common people isn’t actually evidence that a child will Be Read to or well cared for.

We have thousands of books here, in bookshelves and piles. I'm not sure that there's one room in our house which doesn't contain at least a few hundred books. Everyone loves it, they inspect the shelves, ask about this book or that, tell me of others.

I always feel a little bit sad when I go to a house with no books on display. You can tell so much about a person just looking at what they've read or are reading.

I really miss the days when you could glance across a train or tube carriage and steal a look at what someone's reading from the cover. That's the enormous disadvantage of Kindles, no one can see what you're reading. I made quite a few friends in the days I commuted simply due to conversations struck up about what I'm reading.

Your dh is being silly.

I always feel a little bit sad when I go to a house with no books on display. You can tell so much about a person just looking at what they've read or are reading.

Maybe they are just displayed in a room they don’t want you going in!

How can having books be pretentious? Really?