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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby/toddler groups

57 replies

Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 14:07

I Have 4 children and have never been to any baby/toddler groups. Its come up as question from HCPs occasionally over the years and whenever I say I never attended them its met witha raise eyebrow! Aiu for never taking my kids to them? Has anyone else not been to them?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 21/08/2018 14:10

I go to them but I've never been asked by a hcp if I do. Why would they be asking you that? In what context?

Original poster
Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 14:16

I was asked today by a HV and Ive been asked over the years.

OP posts:
Theresnodisneyending · 21/08/2018 14:17

I never could (3 kids), as my first would be up for the day from between 4am and 4,30am, then by the time the groups were on he'd be screaming tired. Then when the other two came along, he (the first born) was still far too boisterous, "huggy", strong, and needed constant watching, that it was impossible. I put him (and the other two) into nursery for a couple of mornings instead for the socialising aspect for their sake...for my sake, I was as lonely as fuck for a long time, but it's all ok now.

mushlett · 21/08/2018 14:18

I never went to them, I couldn’t imagine anything worse Smile

Troton · 21/08/2018 14:18

I’ve been asked but only in a - i can tell you of some local ones - kind of a way. Never had it pressured on me that I must go or anything.

Pissedoffdotcom · 21/08/2018 14:19

I got asked the same by the HV yesterday at weigh in. She was really quite rude tbh which just further cements in my head why i refuse their input!

Troton · 21/08/2018 14:19

Also yanbu it’s totally up to you. I don’t really love them them but the kids enjoy them and it’s something to get us out the house on a rainy day for £1

Original poster
Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 14:20

A woman at my childrens school always stopped me by the gates to remind me of their baby and toddler group. I started running out of excuses to not go.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 21/08/2018 14:23

I hated them with DD. Now with DS i'm itching for them to restart purely so i get to meet other mums with babies...it's a nightmare trying to get together with friends with toddlers whilst you have a babe in arms

CatPatrol · 21/08/2018 14:26

I started running out of excuses to not go.

Why do you need an excuse? Just be honest and say you don’t want to (or can’t) go for whatever the reason is.

Original poster
Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 14:30

I did but she still kept asking!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 21/08/2018 14:32

We go to loads but no HV has ever asked me. I feel cheated now Grin

Pissedoffdotcom · 21/08/2018 14:33

SoyDora feel free to come steal the harassment off my HV Grin

Treaclepie19 · 21/08/2018 14:52

We go to loads too. We've only been asked in relation to my son's speech being slow.

As in - are you socialising him? You're obviously shit at speaking to him so let other people do it.
(I'm joking... mostly :p)

They also ask about playgroups and nursery.

JasmineByTheSea · 21/08/2018 14:55

Is the HV promoting a local service? Otherwise none of her business- I find HV’s generally to be incredibly annoying and don’t bother with them anymore.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/08/2018 14:58

The HV who came to the house after DS was born gave me a list of local ones, then also a list of the ones in an adjacent more middle-class area. She told me I was more likely to find friends there!

She was right actually.

BunsOfAnarchy · 21/08/2018 15:24

I think when HV asks its to see if you are getting out and about and if u have a network of mum friends with babies the same age who can help and advise you on things? Also from a PND point of view possibly too.
Thats the impression i got from my HV, she was really lovely too. Ive not really been to any but i have a 100 member strong FB group who all had babies within 6 weeks of one another so i have brilliant help and advice at my fingertips, and they have saved my mental health through a very difficult start to motherhood.

Original poster
Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 22:44

I dont have any friends with babies, is that a bad thing?

OP posts:
Camomila · 21/08/2018 22:57

What kind of stuff do you do in the days then?

Just being nosy - I don't drive, my DMs an hour away and all my NCT mates went back to work. I alternated between toddler groups, the playground, and running small errands in town.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/08/2018 23:02

YANBU as its your choice but is there a reason why? It really is nice to have friends with children of the same age. Some of my closest friendships were formed at one of these groups.

Gigis · 21/08/2018 23:02

It's only a bad thing if you feel it is. Are you feeling lost, overwhelmed, isolated etc? If so it can help to have others going through similar things which is why a good baby group is worth its weight in gold if you don't already know anyone with a baby. If you don't feel the need to have any new mum friends then crack on! Nothing inherently good or bad about it

BackforGood · 21/08/2018 23:41

Do you WOTH, or are you a SAHP?

I WOTH, so didn't really get the chance, but if I were a SAHP for a number of years, I can't help thinking I'd like to both get some structure in the week, and also have some adult conversation, and a network of people I know to speak to, even if they don't become particularly close friends.

Original poster
Creeper8 · 22/08/2018 00:37

Yeh I stay at home. Im not particularly chatting and wouldnt really strike up conversations with strangers so know I wouldnt really make any friends anyway. Heard they are very cliquey aswell.

I normally take the kids to the park or go shopping during the day.

OP posts:
Kintan · 22/08/2018 06:44

Before I had DC, I thought baby/toddler groups would be my worst nightmare. As it is I’ve found them to be great, my DC benefits from being around other children and playing with different toys than we have at home, and I’ve made some good friends and I’m
not a particularly chatty person either. Whether we’ll be friends in the long-term is unclear, but for now it’s so nice having friends in the same situation. I haven’t found the groups cliquey at all.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 22/08/2018 06:47

I found them great with a toddler as he was incredibly sociable and loved playing with the other children.