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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby/toddler groups

57 replies

Creeper8 · 21/08/2018 14:07

I Have 4 children and have never been to any baby/toddler groups. Its come up as question from HCPs occasionally over the years and whenever I say I never attended them its met witha raise eyebrow! Aiu for never taking my kids to them? Has anyone else not been to them?

OP posts:

user1471426142 · 22/08/2018 06:56

It is probably more of a surprise to them if you’ve never tried them for any of the children. Fair enough if you go and they are not for you but there are some really good activities around and you’re potentially missing out by not giving them a go. I’d have thought it would be quite unusual not to have any friends with small kids either. Even if you just have ‘park’ friends to say hello to. You don’t really have anything to lose by going to a playgroup. If you don’t like it don’t go back.

LotsToThinkOf · 22/08/2018 07:00

I went to loads with DS1 but then went back to work. With DS2, when DS1 was at nursery it was nice to have a few hours with DS2 so we just did normal stuff. I did a few playgroups with them both but then went back to work. They both went to a nursery once a week but it was where you left them, when they turned 3 they both went to school nursery and that was enough for them.

Not all groups are cliquey, the ones we went to varied. I didn't meet any friends for life but then again I don't think I tried hard enough to maintain the friendships. It would have been nice but the endless play dates and effort was just too much.

It's good for DC to mix with others, it makes the transition to school easier for them, especially if they have made friends with others at a group who then go to the same school. I'd let the one who gets up early nap on the way or in the pushchair (although I know not all little ones will). It also might help to break the cycle of 4am wake ups ups and naps. Regardless of plans for the day, that's an awful time to start the day!

LotsToThinkOf · 22/08/2018 07:02

Also, I'd try an activity rather than a group. Groups can be a bit boring whereas activity based groups are often shorter and more focused on helping the children, not socialising and drinking coffee. Less pressure.

NerrSnerr · 22/08/2018 07:08

I go to groups with mine because we moved house before my daughter was born so knew no one locally, had no local family so wanted some people around locally. It suits us and we've made great friends. I'm not a SAHM but only worn 3 days.

londonrach · 22/08/2018 07:08

I love toddler groups. Wears dd out. Dd plays with new toys and interacts with other children. As for chatting with other mums and dads you do but briefly as you running after children. But everyone does different things.

pastabest · 22/08/2018 07:14

Absolutely, playgroup at least once a week.

Gives me a slight rest from single handedly entertaining the toddler for an hour or so, and I usually get handed a nice hot cup of coffee at some points that I manage to drink unlike at home.

after about a year I'm starting to get to know some of the other parents well enough (there's quite a few SAHDs attend) to feel like I'm starting to belong in the village. It's great for finding out about other things that are happening locally that might otherwise have passed me by.

DC also gets a lot out of it like learning to play and share with other children, and experiencing crafty things I can't easily do at home because of economies of scale.

TheLionRoars1110 · 22/08/2018 07:16

Yes I go. I've found them great.
I guess she's asking to work out if you are getting out enough and/or might have PND and to see if your children are socialising with other children.
I guess you might not need them. Do your children meet other children when you're out and about?

GinUnicorn · 22/08/2018 07:21

I’ve found them really good for making new friends and getting new ideas to entertain DD.

I haven’t found them cliquey at all and have definitely met some friends I think I’ll keep for life.

LO loves the variation and seeing other Babies which is really nice.

NoProbLlama78 · 22/08/2018 07:29

my hv referred me to social services for not going. I was taking DD to play dates, soft play, the park and taster sessions that the nursery did but the hv decided I was isolating us and had no friends.

I started going to baby groups when DD dropped to one nap and they fitted our routine rather than me having to work my day around them.

the hv also took offence to me looking at nurseries and refusing to consider a child minder and she came across as anti vax when I said I was asking nurseries if they ensure the children are up to date so I think she was dodgy and I annoyed her.

Original poster

Creeper8 · 22/08/2018 12:33

Oh thats awful NoProbLlama78.

They can be very OTT at times. When I had my first dd (7 years ago now) a HV said she was going to refer me to SS because I said I couldnt see her on the time and day she wanted. Hopefully I dont get referred for saying ive never been.

Might try some groups now though after the advice on here. Thinking activity groups will be easy for me (I can be abit shy!) rather than standing around chatting.

OP posts:

NoProbLlama78 · 22/08/2018 14:37

Creeper she was very odd. she lectured me once for shopping to make myself feel better- I'd bought groceries and teethers dont worry about what people say just go to what you fancy and can fit in.
soft play is good when older kids are at school and if you have a childrens centre near theyre good for stay and play you don't have to talk to people just play with toys x

Nutkins24 · 22/08/2018 14:44

I think people that refuse to go beasue they are shy are a bit selfish. I say that as a naturally shy fairly introverted person. Toddlers especially get so much from socialising and if they’re not going to nursery until 3.5 years like my dd how the hell are they meant to learn the basics. It’s clear that they will be at a disadvantage starting school with only 1 year of nursery socialising when most kids will have been doing it much longer either through nursery or groups. My dd is so confident going into a group setting and talking to other children, basically the opposite of me. Im really glad I haven’t made her, or at least exasperated the situation where she might have been, naturally introverted. It has often affected my life negatively. I didn’t want the same for her.

EssentialHummus · 22/08/2018 14:45

I do, but I enjoy them, DD sees other babies (she’s at home with me, not in childcare), they have lovely big ride on toys that we obviously couldn’t have at home, and I can chat to other parents as little or as much as I want. I feel very grateful that I have one literally at the end of my road.

Nutkins24 · 22/08/2018 14:46

Sorry, but I can not believe at HV would refer a family to SS for not going to toddler groups as some pps have said. There must be more.

happymummy12345 · 22/08/2018 14:48

I've never been to one. They're not my sort of thing at all.

NoProbLlama78 · 22/08/2018 15:14

Nutkins- mine did because she thought I was isolating us and i didnt have any friends. She thought I was making them up I got left alone eventually because I was due to go back to work anyway and for DD to start nursery so we obviously weren't isolated.

I complained about her to PALS but I dont think it went anywhere.

SoyDora · 22/08/2018 15:19

I reported my HV to PALS for something far less serious than that and got a phone call within a week to make an official statement then a formal apology from her!

Usernumbers1234 · 22/08/2018 15:26

We never did it with either but were asked

I’m not sure it’s quite a sinister as it’s being made out that the HV asks though. Isn’t part of their role checking that the parents feel they have support and asking “if you go to a baby group” is just part of that.

They can probably draw some decent conclusions from the way you answer (alongside other questions) as to whether you might want or need more support.

Usernumbers1234 · 22/08/2018 15:28

Yeah, no way on earth you get a SS referral for not going to baby groups must be something else to it

And I’m aware SS make incorrect assessments so I’m not suggesting the PP should have been referred. I just find it hard to believe people are being referred for simply not going to baby groups, that cannot be the sole basis of a referral

0lgaDaPolga · 22/08/2018 15:53

I go to lots but only because I don’t have any family or really any friends nearby. I’m a stay at home mum to my son and I’d probably go out of my mind if I didn’t go to any but if you have enough to do and enough people to meet up with I don’t see why you would need to bother with them.

ChristmasFluff · 22/08/2018 17:29

I went to one, but that was for me, not my son. He was very clingy, so I'd sit there with him on my lap or holding my leg, and chat. I was in a new town, so knew no-one. Toddler group gave me a social life eventually. My son got to know lots of friends at nursery, but my friends were all from toddler group

AndBabyMakes3 · 22/08/2018 22:18

Perhaps a stupid question but at what age can you start bringing DC to toddler group? Is it 6+/12+/18+ months? Don't really hear of any parent & baby groups so not sure if it's all bundled under the one name if anyone can please advise

BackforGood · 22/08/2018 22:31

Not a stupid question at all. When mine were little, I assumed dc had to be "toddling" to go to a toddler group. I only found out years later that there were some groups that were there to support new parents, and welcomed families with small babies!

Thing being, it will vary from group to group.
You can turn up, or contact groups to ask.
You can ask at your local Children's Centre, or ask your HV (they might not know them all).
You can ask (if you are on FB) in your local community group. I am amazed how many groups there are in our area when this question has been asked.

AndBabyMakes3 · 22/08/2018 22:43

@BackforGood thank you so much; will definitely ask so!

pastabest · 22/08/2018 22:50

My local 'playgroup' caters for babies parents from birth.

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