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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to do something incredibly dangerous.

59 replies

shelentei · 21/08/2018 13:59

Out shopping with dd2 and newborn dd. Dp comes to pick us up but forgot newborn dd's car seat.

He wanted me to sit in the back and hold her in the way home. Obviously I said no it's not safe.

He's now calling me stupid and is really mad at me.

So am I being unreasonable to ignore dp.

OP posts:
Original poster
shelentei · 21/08/2018 14:00

Ignore as in not hold newborn dd in place of a car seat.

OP posts:
Rainycloudyday · 21/08/2018 14:01

You would have been incredibly negligent to even consider doing what he suggested. I would question seriously whether anyone who suggested that is fit to be in charge of my children, ever.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 21/08/2018 14:01

Well generally no I wouldn’t do it, but I might do it for a quick journey if I had to. If you were getting a taxi you don’t need to use a car seat by law.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 21/08/2018 14:02

Your DP is a giant moron...its not a risk that is worth taking

But also if my DP ever called me stupid he would be gone

You did absolutely the right thing to refuse

Hidillyho · 21/08/2018 14:02

It’s stupid, really dangerous and illegal. He would have been pulled over if a police man caught him.
Most accidents happen within a familiar place as people concentrate less

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 14:03

How far is it? The law allows for short necessary journeys, or you could get the bus or train, where you'd hold them without a car seat.... Car seats ought to be used and that's what the law requires, you have gone a bit OTT with your reaction though

Original poster
shelentei · 21/08/2018 14:03

Yup agreed. It's not the first time he's suggested it. He says it's ok because he's a safe driver and hasn't crashed in ages....

OP posts:
Aintnothingbutaheartache · 21/08/2018 14:03

YANBU at all! It doesn’t matter how short the car journey is or how slow you are driving etc, accidents can happen and I don’t think it’s safe holding a nb in a moving car.
Calling you stupid is unreasonable, unthinking and unkind

BigBlueBubble · 21/08/2018 14:06

He’s suggesting you break the law. So YANBU to refuse because it’s illegal as well as dangerous. Is he always so lax with your child’s safety?

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 14:06

After your update he sounds like an idiot, this clearly wasn't a one off mistake

Tutlefru · 21/08/2018 14:07

YANBU.

Not worth the risk.

Hidillyho · 21/08/2018 14:07

The law allows for short necessary journeys

Necessary being an unplanned journey to A&E not a trip from town to home

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 21/08/2018 14:09

Ooh he is a super level idiot then? A family member of mine was an excellent driver drive for a living...and 50 yards from his home he had an accident that resulted in him being airlifted to hospital , he had popped out from a bbq we were at at his home for some more burger roles...gone not more than a few minutes when the accident happened

He's absolutely fine now but he wasn't a newborn and he was wearing a seatbelt

heartsease68 · 21/08/2018 14:10

I have done it when there's no other option but a cab and the cab company were unable to come up with a carseat. Under these circumstances I'd probably not.

Pengggwn · 21/08/2018 14:11

It's not 'incredibly dangerous'. This is how most people on here would have been transported in a car as newborns.

It is, however, illegal and not eh safest option compared with driving home and just getting the seat while you have a coffee.

AnoukSpirit · 21/08/2018 14:11

He says it's ok because he's a safe driver and hasn't crashed in ages....

He's the only stupid one here. Does he also have control of every other road user, pedestrian, and variable that could cause an accident?

I'd have had a very hard time refraining from telling him to fuck off.

Does he do this kind of thing a lot?

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:12

Only in an extreme emergency and this wasn’t one.

Also calling you stupid!!! Not good op

Aw12345 · 21/08/2018 14:15

You did the right thing OP, you'd never forgive yourself if anything happened or even if nothing happened but you got caught...

It's easy enough to forget the car seat but to expect you to put your child's life at risk is a different matter altogether! It's simple... He goes home, gets the car seat, comes back to pick you up again. It's legal and it's safe.

AnoukSpirit · 21/08/2018 14:18

This is how most people on here would have been transported in a car as newborns.

It also used to be the advice to hold infants without their own seat on the floor at their parents' feet when the brace position was necessary on a plane. There had been no issues.

And then there was a crash in which multiple infants died because the force of the impact propelled them out of their parents' grasp.

The guidance was then changed to prevent it happening again.

Just because we used to be able to get away with something, or used to view it differently, or chanced it successfully previously doesn't mean the outcome wouldn't be catastrophic if they were in a car accident in those circumstances.

Risk assessment isn't just about likelihood, it's also about the severity of the outcome.

Tutlefru · 21/08/2018 14:19

Just becase it used to be the norm doesn't make it any less dangerous.

Theshittyendofthestick · 21/08/2018 14:23

It's not ideal but i don't think it's a massive deal. I go on the bus regularly and there are never car seats on them.

Pengggwn · 21/08/2018 14:24

AnoukSpirit

Thanks for clearing that up Hmm

I did not say it was okay. It isn't. I said it isn't 'incredibly dangerous'. It carries some risk, and yes, the outcome could be very serious, but you could say that for getting on a plane in the first place, couldn't you?

Pissedoffdotcom · 21/08/2018 14:29

Tell him to get to fuck. No way in hell is it worth the risk, he can think he is the safest driver on the planet. Nobody plans a bloody accident ffs.

As for it being the norm back in the day, so was a lot of things we now know to be utterly stupid dangerous. There are far more drivers on the road now than ever which increases a risk of a collision. Is a baby's life really worth 'well we used to'?

As for calling you stupid, what a knob. There is no way DP would be in charge of my kids alone if he thought being concerned for their safety was stupid.

Original poster
shelentei · 21/08/2018 14:34

He went back and got the car seat. I said I don't care how safe he thinks he is I'm not putting her in the car without one. It's only a five minute drive but I'm not risking it at all. He's usually pretty good. I think he takes it personally and that I'm saying he's a bad driver. And it's not only about his driving there are plenty of idiots on the road.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/08/2018 14:34

It is incredibly dangerous, I would worry about leaving a child in the care of someone who even contemplated it.

I have never had a crash but still wouldn’t drive 8 year old ds without him being in a suitable seat.

What people did years ago is irrelevant, we have thankfully learnt a lot more about road safety and how to protect children in the case of being involved in an accident

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