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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to do something incredibly dangerous.

59 replies

shelentei · 21/08/2018 13:59

Out shopping with dd2 and newborn dd. Dp comes to pick us up but forgot newborn dd's car seat.

He wanted me to sit in the back and hold her in the way home. Obviously I said no it's not safe.

He's now calling me stupid and is really mad at me.

So am I being unreasonable to ignore dp.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 21/08/2018 14:37

Sirzy

It really isn't. Think what you like but, for my part, 'incredibly dangerous' is a label I apply to things like walking along a train track or driving with your eyes closed. 'Somewhat risky' is what I would apply to this.

I still wouldn't do it, but that is no reason to throw my sense of proportion out with the bathwater.

Forevername · 21/08/2018 14:37

You were right not to as it’s illegal in your own car.

Interestingly though, if you’d called a taxi and carried your newborn in their car that’s not illegal.
As someone who didn’t drive when their dc were born, I have often travelled in taxis carrying a baby. Although it’s still bloody nerve wracking, but they never want to wait while you fasten in a car seat.
The safest way to do this is to sit in the back seat with the seatbelt around you but not the baby. Never put the seatbelt across you and the baby together.

But of course, the safest way would have been to use the car seat and good for you for standing your ground!

serbska · 21/08/2018 14:37

I don't understand why it is OK in a taxi (legal) and not in your own car. One is not more safe than the other.

Pengggwn · 21/08/2018 14:39

Well, of course, you wouldn't be able to legally do it in a taxi if it was 'incredibly dangerous'.

diddl · 21/08/2018 14:39

"hasn't crashed in ages...."

How reassuringHmm

Why aren't the seats just left in the car?

Guienne · 21/08/2018 14:45

Ask him if he wants to pay the fixed penalty, which will be charged if/when you are seen irrespective of whether you've had any accidents or not.

Skittlesandbeer · 21/08/2018 14:47

You know what? There are some situations, and some drivers, that I’d agree to bend the rules with in a pinch.

Your DH isn’t one of them. He’s the kind of person I’d be extra strict with regarding the rules. Because he’d likely use that ‘in a pinch’ emergency as a precedent and never take the car seat seriously again. It’d quickly go from ‘essential’ to ‘optional’ to ‘a con’. I’m married to one of these. Not enough common sense, plenty of ‘it’ll be fine, what’s the worst that could happen?’ optimism.

I’m pretty sure your DH and mine are who the legislators were thinking of when they wrote the laws in the first place. Sigh.

BrynhildurWhitemane · 21/08/2018 14:51

It's often said most accidents happen within a mile from home, ie on these sort of short trips taht nobody thinks about.

popocatepetals · 21/08/2018 14:54

He's the stupid one for forgetting the car seat.

And it isn't anything to do with his so-called awesome driving skills, it is because of all the other useless/reckless/dangerous drivers out there, and you can't rule out mechanical failure either.

dueanotherchange · 21/08/2018 14:55

When I started to learn to drive, my dear old Dad said to me, "The first rule of driving is presume everyone else on the road is an idiot." For that if no other reason, there is no way I would have done that and YANBU.

That said, I'm also the odd one who insisted on her kids being rear facing until they were 18kg which a lot of people thought was nuts.

knicksfan · 21/08/2018 14:55

Your dp sounds like a tit

runningkeenster · 21/08/2018 14:57

I would worry about leaving a child in the care of someone who even contemplated it

Too many drama queens on this thread. It was only 5 minutes and you don't need one in a taxi. But of course, that means it was only, what, 12 minutes to return home and get it and come back. A slight inconvenience, that's all.

He should not have called the OP stupid.

And even if he is an awesome driver he can't avoid all the other idiots on the road.

mumsastudent · 21/08/2018 14:57

sudden stop because of bad driver....

Ontopofthesunset · 21/08/2018 15:00

It is an increased, and in this case unnecessary, risk, but it is not 'incredibly dangerous'. 'Incredibly dangerous' would be dangling the baby out of the window while the car is moving or leaving the baby unsecured on the top of the car.

Of course just because it used to be done doesn't mean it's safe, but getting in a car at all is a risk. This increases the risk but it doesn't become 'incredibly dangerous'.

AdoraBell · 21/08/2018 15:00

YANBU, he is being stupid and irresponsible.

Few weeks ago DH had to brake sharply. I had my phone in my hand and it hit the windscreen.

The car seats were designed and are now mandatory because it is impossible to stop anything, or anyone, not securely strapped in from moving at high speed if you crash or stop sharp to avoid a crash. Same reason we have to use seatbelts.

Stick to your guns and don’t let DP or anyone else make you feel that you are wrong.

MinecraftHolmes · 21/08/2018 15:02

The law allows for short necessary journeys

Only if they're aged 3 or older. If you have no car seat with a newborn, they are only allowed to travel in a car without the appropriate car seat in a minicab/taxi.

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Pissedoffdotcom · 21/08/2018 15:06

Never travelled in a taxi without a car seat either. Legal or not it's not a risk i would take. And yep, personally i'd be wary if DP thought it okay because it inconvenienced him to go back for a car seat

FruitOnAPlatter · 21/08/2018 15:08

Minecraft - your link says the opposite of what you said:

In most cases, children under 3 must always be in a child car seat.

The rules are different if:

the child is in a taxi or minicab
the child is in a minibus, coach or van
the child is on an unexpected journey, for example an emergency
there’s no room for another car seat

Now, habitually, no of course I wouldn't do it - but for a 5 minute drive home, the first time, I probably would (mind you, if it's a 5 minute drive, I'd probably have walked anyhow - which, when you add up road crossings, is probably more dangerous than unbelted in a car).

MinecraftHolmes · 21/08/2018 15:08

No it doesn't. If you read further down...

"If the correct child car seat isn’t available, a child aged 3 or older can use an adult seat belt if the journey is all of the following:

unexpected
necessary
over a short distance

You can’t take children under 3 on an unexpected journey in a vehicle without the correct child car seat, unless both of the following apply:

it’s a licensed taxi or minicab
the child travels on a rear seat without a seat belt"

Jammiebammie · 21/08/2018 15:11

You definitely did the right thing.
I was in a car crash when pg (which lead to early labour) and dc1 was 100%
saved by her car seat.
It made me worry like crazy when friends would get taxis or lifts home without car seats, even just 5 minutes down the road - you would never forgive yourself if anything happened, and like pp says, no matter how safe the driver is, you cant account for anyone else on the road.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/08/2018 15:12

It's scary to think that years ago babies and small children sat on adult knees in the car.

sparklepops123 · 21/08/2018 15:12

I imagine he buckled himself in

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2018 15:16

Think what you like but, for my part, 'incredibly dangerous' is a label I apply to things like walking along a train track or driving with your eyes closed. 'Somewhat risky' is what I would apply to this.

Me too. The hyperbole is deafening! I wouldn't do it, but it's certainly not 'incredibly dangerous' for goodness sake. Go to SE Asia and watch the babies on the back of mopeds with their entire family. That's dangerous.

FruitOnAPlatter · 21/08/2018 15:16

Ah, yes, you are completely correct minecraft - my apologies.

Mind you - that's not an outstandingly clear way of putting it - I would expect many people would do what I did, read the first paragraph, and the list, and not read all the way down the page!

pallisers · 21/08/2018 15:20

What has his driving got to do with it? He drives perfectly well, stops at a traffic light and a distracted driver crashes into him from behind? How does his driving prevent that happening?

It isn't incredibly dangerous as I would define it but it is an unnecessary risk that I wouldn't take.

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