AIBU to get annoyed when someone asks “is it a boy or a girl”

[Yaasshun]

In relation to a 10 week old baby?

Difficult to small talk about someone else's baby. So you end up with "how old is it?"

It occurs to me this is a perfect use for hipster bollocks: 'how old is ze?' 'is ze a boy, girl or non binary?'

@Yaasshun

It's a normal question, polite conversation when people want an excuse to coo at your baby.

Tbh almost all babies look completely gender neutral, it's why I wasn't offended when someone referred to our daughter as "he". She was wearing blue at the time because it's a good colour on her.

If that annoys you then you're really going to have to batten down the hatches when it comes to every other aspect of parenting weaning, height, weight, milestones etcbecause a lot of people like making idle conversation and "how sweet! is she walking yet?" Is not a personal slight upon your baby boy (or vice versa.)

I’m never going to make small talk with anyone with a small child ever again! I had no idea it was such a minefield.

(For the record, I had 4 and didn’t care who asked what.)

Bloody hell EyUpOurKid don't be calling the baby 'sweet' you'll be had up by the anti-sugar-in-any-form brigade!!

And don't say the baby's beautiful or lovely either because that's teaching Jr. that looks are all that matters. To be on the safe side don't say anything except just maybe "aaaw" and smile and nod if you catch Mum's eye but try not to do that in a creepy "I'm going to steal your baby when you're not looking" kinda way.

Actually I'm thinking of just not acknowledging that babies exist at all - it's far safer.

This has to be one of the most precious AIBU posts ever

OP the 'perpetrators' are just making convo, they aren't really interested !

BananaToffo's idea is great, OP this is exactly what you need:

I am going to start a business selling signs for pregnant women to wear:

DO NOT SPEAK TO ME. DO NOT MAKE SMALL TALK OR SHOW AN INTEREST. I AM A SUPER SPECIAL PRINCESS WHO WILL TAKE OFFENCE AT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING.

God - absolutely what Mushrooms said.

What exactly ARE we allowed to say to pregnant women/new mothers? No matter what - there will be a thread on here with someone whining on or in trauma that someone actually had the brass neck to speak to them about their oh-so-precious one of a kind baby.

Yes, there’s limited topics to cover with an unfamiliar baby: work, hobbies, education are all non-starters. That’s why we tend to revert to birth weight, sex, being “good” or not. It’s more phatic communication, social grooming, rather than a genuine enquiry.
When he saw his baby niece, husband’s brother asked “Can she suck on a chip yet?”
Perhaps something we could all consider to ring the changes a bit.

Just reply Yes, then walk away, that'll really puzzle them.

Well, when you have twins, you do get a surprising number of people who ask you if they were conceived naturally or not. Why people want to know this is utterly beyond me.

I don’t mind being asked the sex, but people can sometimes make rude comments.

Oh, a boy. Nevermind you can try for a girl next time.

🤦‍♀️

What exactly ARE we allowed to say to pregnant women/new mothers?

Maybe (depending on how well you know her) 'how are you? Are you getting enough sleep/support/cake?'

They are just being polite they really don’t care. Better than asking if you think they will be that ugly forever. I’m under no illusion that anybody actually cares how much my babies weighed or what time they where born or if they where a boy or girl they wanted to talk that was all.

It's not always obvious - helpful if parents use non gender neutral clothing although doubtless there are boy babies in pink somewhere - I usually say what's you're lovely baby called and hope the name is not applicable to both sexes

I would rather they asked than assume. The amount of people that assumed my daughter was a boy, one time she was in a dress and tights and because it was blue they assumed she was a boy, I was just like she is in a dress!! This went on until she was 2 and her hair grew.

Some people just don't think though.

My dd has a head of corkscrew curls, I've learned to love it and she's now 7.

From around aged 18 months plus I've had the same question constantly "is that real?/ is that natural?" Ffs no she hasn't had a perm/hair in rags/been electrocuted etc.

If I had a pound for every stupid comment I would be living in a mansion.

Dogs are easy ( unless incredibly fluffy) as they don't tend to wear clothes. A baby usually has at least a nappy on, so I can't really tell, unless they're wearing a top with "Mummy's little princess" or something.