To ask for full time working life tips

[Chicci1]

I know this has been done before but I'm getting v nervous about my impending return to work after maternity leave. I'm going back full time as dh is also full time. We have no family help. We have a three year old and a 8 month old both of whom will be in nursery. My hours will be 7.30am to 4pm five days a week while dh will work 9.30am to 6.30pm. Both of our commutes are a little over an hour each way. He'll do drop off at 8am and I'll be collecting at about 5pm and will do a dinner for us and the kids and bedtimes. I'll leave the house at 6.20am so won't see the children in the mornings.
So far the plan is to get a cleaner and do batch cooking on Sundays. I will have to start having early nights too. Any life hacks that could help things be more manageable?

Cleaner and batch cooking a very good idea. I’d also consider a crockpot for meals that can be put on in the morning and are ready as soon as you get home.

Laundry is a big one for me - putting an outfit for every weekday on a hanger at the start of the week saves me so much stress.

I delegate a lot

Definitely a cleaner is a great idea, as is batch cooking. Other things I would add:

Online food shopping

Kids and your bags/outfits etc put out each night so you don’t have a last minute rush in the mornings

This might be controversial but given the children’s ages I’d have them bathed and in bed for when DH comes home- purely because it will give you an evening together (and some time to yourself) he can always do bath times and bedtimes at the weekend

Put a wash on as soon as you get home so it doesn’t build up and you have time to st it out and dry so it’s not sitting wet in a machine all day whilst you’re at work

While they’re not at school, take term time holidays it’s so much cheaper

Both working FT is hard with two kids. Maybe plan the odd day of annual leave just the two of you but keep the kids in nursery that day

Switch to online everything (banking, bills etc)

Keep a magnetic list on the fridge and immediately add any essentials you are getting low on

Good luck OP!

If the children have a bit dinner at nursery then some nights just do a picnic type tea e.g. sandwhiches, fruit, cheers - nice and quick, no cooking and my DS still likes this occasionally!

Have a calendar on the fridge and write everything down e.g. when one of you is working late, has an appointment - means you don't forget anything and can plan ahead. Look for 'pinch points' i.e. particularly busy days/weeks and plan a simple meal on those nights.

We set out washer to come on at about 4am so it can be hung up before I leave for work. I don't iron in bulk - hang/gold straight into wardrobes/drawers and iron as needed.

Everything ready the night before -means you are not dashing about in the morning.

Consider online grocery shopping - either for delivery or click and collect - far easier than going to the supermarket.

It's doable - the first few months will be hard but you will get into it.

I was going to say cleaner but you've got that covered!

Store your children's clothes as complete outfits, rather than sorting them by item. So t shirt, trousers, socks ( plus jumper/vest in winter) all rolled into one bundle. Much easier to get kids ready in the morning to just grab a bundle rather than looking for each item.

If the children get a 'proper" lunch at nursery, don't stress about a cooked dinner every night. An omelette or something on toast is fine. We have a similar schedule and DP massively struggles to get something cooked before they go completely feral.

And a joint diary where you write down any evenings out/kids stuff/appointments etc that you can both access.

We also have a shared Google calendar that everything goes on. Saves ages on the 'what day was...?' Discussions.

Meal plan, defrost dinners when making lunch for the following day, store in the fridge ready for cooking in the evening. Peel veg if needed as well.

I'd employ an ironer over a cleaner unless you are lucky enough to have a 2 in one!

On line shop
Online banking
Slow cooker (you can do this the night before - in the fridge and switch on in the morning)
Diashwasher -

Talk to your DH about which tasks her prefers and work out a shedule

My children are the same ages & I go back to work in 2 weeks. DP works away 3 or 4 nights a week so I have to do drop off & pick up. My dc have dinner at the childminder so only need a snack when they get home which makes it a lot easier. We can then just play until bedtime. They have a bath every other night which gives us a bit more time the other evening.

I do a big batch cook once a month cooking 4 or 5 different options at a time that I can then have microwave rice, pasta or potatoes with. I know people swear by frozen mash but I haven't tried it yet.

Definitely get all the bags ready the night before & clothes out ready too.

Do a wash every day. I put it on in the morning so it's ready to hang out when I get home. I also make sure I have plenty of pants, socks, pyjamas so if a wash doesn't get done we're not running low on things. A tumble dryer is your friend if you don't already have one. I've drastically reduced the amount of stuff I iron, just stick bits on a hanger as soon as the cone out of the washer. Everyone has their own washing basket & when it's full I stick it on so it's easier to put away, no working out whose sock it is.

I work from home 1 day a week which is really handy, I don't have the hour commute each way but still drop the dc at the same times so I get 2 hours extra at home to tidy, clean, do washing or catch up on work if needed.

Yes to all the above tips and i would add 3 more....

This is a really important time and will set the scene for the next few years if not forever. You are both working full time the same number of hours and with the same commute. You need to share the responsibilities 50/50. If dh is taking care of the mornings, then he should be putting the clothes out each night not you. We also set the breakfast table the night before so we don't have to run around in the morning.

My 2nd tip is that if you're office based and have any control, set your diary so people can't schedule meetings after 3.30pm. Lastly, the "just 5 minutes of your time" at 3.55pm when you're getting ready to leave are the font of all evil. In 99% of cases, it's not that important. Tell them that if it's that important to call you on the train at 4.15pm. You will find most of them won't because it wasn't that important. Little things but will reduce your stress levels!

DH and I both work full time although we only have one DS (2.5)

My top tips are:

• the kids don’t need a meal when you get home. DS has early tea at nursery (having had a proper cooked lunch). He has toast or fruit or something for supper before bed.
• DH and I share cooking our dinner after DS is in bed. No reason for you to be doing it every night - you’ll be doing baths and bedtime etc.
• speaking of baths, they definitely don’t need them every night, we average every other night
• if you have a desk job as I do, do all “life admin” at work (banking, renewing insurance etc)
• do a wash at least every other evening
• do your food shopping online and any top up shops at lunchtime if you have a supermarket near Work
• definitely get a cleaner

I find working full time to be overall pretty manageable as long as you’re both organised.

Oh and forgot to mention - if your DH is doing nursery drop offs make sure he takes on an equal share of the mental load organising the children. I do all drop offs for DS but I do slightly resent that DH doesn’t keep any information in his head about e.g it’s children in need day tomorrow and the kids need to wear PJs to nursery etc.

Thank you so much everyone. Some really good tips I would never had thought of there

I seriously second online shopping.

People cite the liberty to pick their own apples all they like. The full, supersize weekly shop takes me 10m to order online and 10m to get in, and we're signed up to an annual plan, so it costs pennies.

It also makes reading Parent & Child Parking threads an exercise in smug theoretical amusement instead of something that genuine affects your life.

Discuss things like who will take a day off if one of the children are ill.

Look at emergency childcare provisions - can be useful albeit expensive. Some companies will cover a certain number of days emergency childcare.

Ensure you and SH are sharing the mental load. Do not stay as default parent despite working full time.

Tell them that if it's that important to call you on the train at 4.15pm. You will find most of them won't because it wasn't that important. Little things but will reduce your stress levels!

I prefer the tactic of telling people to call me afer 9pm... 95% of the time they won't, and the 5% that do it genuinely was important and needed more than 5 mins.

thecatsthecats

couldn't agree more!

I seriously second online shopping

Does anyone NOT do online shopping?!?!

@serbska
People like My Mum because you likes to spend a morning a week touching up all of the fruit in the supermarket.

I did this as a single mum, so with two of you it should be very doable.

I can't speak for the division of labour, as there was none, but here are things that helped me:

Plenty of cheap clothes for the DC, so that I wasn't depending on having to run endless evening washes, so they had clean clothes for nursery / childminder

Everything prepared the night before that possibly could be - my clothes, their clothes, my lunch, their lunch etc etc etc

Online shopping - an absolute must, saves tonnes of time and you can do repeat orders if you are knackered and don't have the energy to be creative and interesting

Slow cooker - 15 mins of prep in the morning and lovely hot casserole waiting on return home. There is something really lovely about opening the front door and the smell of dinner wafting towards you.

Household admin - get all your direct debits set up, no messing about with bill payments, just ensure it all happens automatically

Lastly - be kind to yourselves. Remember that eating a ready meal is not a crime, boiled eggs and soldiers or beans on toast are adequate meals every now and then. Book a day off occasionally when the DC are at nursery or with the childminder and do something for yourself. Things will go wrong, the car will break down, the washing machine will go caput BUT it will be ok and even though it seems stressful at the time, it will pass. Go to be early - tiredness is your enemy.

Is DH doing everything with the kids in the mornings?

My top tip would be to eventually move to working three days a week instead of five days, or work for yourself. Even doing 4 days a week with two children nearly killed me.

Definitely online shopping and a cleaner.

Don't bother batch cooking, you don't want to spend your precious two days at home cooking. Go on BBC Good Food and find lots of meals that take less than half an hour and have less than five ingredients. Plan the meals (or some of them) for the week before doing your online shop.

Slow cooker (you can do this the night before - in the fridge and switch on in the morning)

OMG. That's a great tip!!

We would have everything ready in the morning, be almost out of the door, but then someone couldn't find their shoes. So I started putting them in the porch as soon as we came in. Anywhere where little people cannot get in and move them, really.