To think some posters are naive about SS?

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

I see many posts where people seem to believe either that SS will offer support and that parents who are loving and coping but struggling can contact them for a hand-hold, or posts where people believe a not ideal yet normal situation can and should be reported.

AIBU to think posters are naive about what SS actually do?

but no child is 'easily adoptable' the adoption process is a LEGAL one - that has to be backed up by evidence - and it can be a lengthy process

given that much trauma begins prior to birth adoptive children often already have multiple and complex issues even at birth

Are you a SW ghosty? If you are I find your anger and defensiveness on this thread quite worrying. I hope you're not like that in RL as I'd hate to see how that plays out in a work place involving vulnerable children and families.

People who work for SS aren’t monsters. Many of them have families themselves and they try their upmost to keep children and parents together, they always try to facilitate that where possible.

My MIL is a social worker and she’s absolutely lovely. Her job is awful and I couldn’t personally do it, it would kill me. She has seen some truly horrible examples of parenting, children are only taken away from dangerous situations and it breaks SW’s hearts sometimes to do it. Not an easy job.

They do help families out where possible but like every public sector service, they are currently stretched.

I would assume in some cases like the one big mentioned that SS feel the family can't cope with the amount of kids, but may be able to with support cope with 1/however many children remain. In that situation it makes the most sense to remove the baby as they will find it easier to adjust to a new carer than a 5 year old for example, and also are at the most risk due to being completely dependant for all care and having higher needs than an older child, especially a school aged child.

I did the first year of a social work degree but changed courses when I realised how impossible a task being a social worker is.

I did some shadowing days and what I saw was social workers who were massively overstretched, with case loads far bigger than anyone could manage. They said they were constantly having to firefight, dealing with the most urgent cases, while others (who may have been supposed to be getting visits every two weeks) hadn’t been seen for months. It’s not their fault, and only getting worse as because of government cuts various teams have been merged meaning even bigger caseloads.

Add to that the fact that if something bad did happen to one of these kids under their care, they are held personally responsible and can be put in prison.

Every social worker I met genuinely did care, but there was literally no way at all they could have done everything that needed doing for each of the kids on their books. They are set up to fail.

I’d be fascinated to see a link to any of those cases

www.spectator.co.uk/2016/02/why-many-mothers-with-post-natal-depression-now-fear-social-services/amp/

no I am not a SW

8’d heard all the horror stories. I was very lucky. The SW we were eventually assigned was fantastic and genuinely worked her ass off to help our situation. That being said, she has now left and if I had to have involvement again I would once again be petrified. I think she was probably a one off angel*

So even people with first hand excellent experience choose, for some bizarre reason, to believe that all SS are awful and the horror stories are real?
Why?

@ZigZagZebras good post. That's exactly what I meant by more "easily adoptable".

I can understand how it might feel like I’m having a go at SWs, but I’m not. I’m critical of the system they work in, and I know many individuals do their best. Of course they do.

But (IMO) separating a child from her parents should only be done in extreme cases. If the case is extreme, then no child should be left there.

But forever parting a child from her parents, having them be as good as dead to one another, severing that bond, because there are too many children? I can’t agree that that is OK, sorry.

From personal experience SS are overstretched and in an impossible position if they remove a child they are child snatchers and if they don’t and something happens they are liable.

An ex friend used heroine during her first pregnancy to an abusive man then fell pregnant to a different abusive man very quickly after. Her 10 week old baby was taken to hospital with a black eye and unexplained head injury.

Did SS remove to two beautiful children under 18 months who would have been very adoptable? No they paid a great deal of money for the 3 of them to go into a mother and baby unit and she still has her children

If you are I find your anger and defensiveness on this thread quite worrying. I hope you're not like that in RL as I'd hate to see how that plays out in a work place involving vulnerable children and families

I am neither angry or defensive - if you read all of my posts you will see I am open to constructive criticism of services and believe SW and SS should be full accountable

I am surprised you think challenging misconceptions and misinformation about the work of SS makes people angry or defensive though - I have merely been correcting 'facts'.

I'm off to work now - I hope some social workers do come along and are given the space to debate and discuss this topic reasonably without being accused of being defensive though or having their whole working practice criticised on the basis of how they respond to a MN post!

it is 'like that' around here., or so I was told by the SW in my house, that she could have done that if she had felt like it

Well she lied. SW have no powers to remove children. They have the power to ask a family court to consider their recommendations. The court will also look at evidence provided by schools, health visitors, GP’s, relatives, foster carer’s, family support workers and any other person or agency involved with the family. The court will then look at all
the steps that have been taken to keep the family together and how well the parent/s have worked to improve the situation. Then and only then the COURT decides whether or not to remove a child.

I had a terrible experience with ss. They failed to offer the support they were supposed to give me.
My sw ended up giving me a face to face apology, plus put it in writing, for how she dealt with my case (no child neglect/abuse or anything like that)
I still don't think ss are awful. They are overworked, they are overstretched and they make mistakes.

And so they should wanna

If a child can be kept with her parents, she should be.

I’m pretty sure they can remove a child as an emergency measure goat,they certainly could in 2013.

They certainly are inconsistent from my experience. They put my children under "child in need" when my ex dh and I were going through our split. They came in, took a snapshot of life during that period where we were just a couple going through a split and tried to make out that was what life was like for us all the time. 6 months earlier we were on a family holiday to Egypt. Things broke down and we split, I moved out and it took time to settle down.

Ss made a case to try and show our life was like that in general and not because of a split. They didn't listen, wrote down wrong facts and wouldn't change them when they were pulled up on it. The sw wanted me to do a parenting course, I was starting a brand new job which was extremely important because I had previously been working with ex dh and it had taken me a while to find something, so I said I would do a parenting course if it was in the evening so I don't affect my new job. I had the social worker arguing with me on the phone saying I had to do this course, which was on a Wednesday morning, I said I'm not refusing a course, I am refusing to take every Wednesday off for a term when it's a brand new job and this would jeopardise it and it would also leave me short in wages. She even suggested she spoke to my employer

After I started a complaint procedure, all of a sudden the course wasn't "compulsory," it was "a suggestion " and they couldn't actually force me to do it. When I asked the social worker after why she said I had to do it she lied and said "oh well we never said you had to do it we were just suggesting." So arguing with me down the phone saying I will be doing the course and that they will talk to my employer wasn't making it sound like it was compulsory then? All at a time when I had just left dh, was starting a new job after 11 years, was moving/buying a house. Ss really did add so much stress and worry at that time and weren't actually doing anything to help at all. I had actually done a parenting course 3 years previously when I was volunteering at the local children's centre. A load of us did it voluntarily because it was interesting. The social worker looked surprised when I told her that in person despite me telling her several times over the phone.

They used the fact I had suffered depression on and off to make it sound like I was an unfit mother. "What are we going to do about her mental health issues " was written on their "plan."

As soon as I complained they shut the case. Apparently my kids weren't a concern anymore after a complaint.

So my experience was awful and they really knocked my confidence as a mother during that time. Years on from that and my kids are thriving and working at greater depth in school. Wasn't such a bad Mum after all..

It’s cases like that which are frightening thinks

I’m glad things worked out for you and yours

One of my good friends was a SW and she is lovely but she left the job as it was understaffed and she didn’t agree with some of the practices.

Is in any line of profession it depends who the individual is. If they mess up the concequences can be life shattering.

@ghostyslovesheets well your posts stand so I suppose people can judge for themselves your tone and their content.

My cousin had 3 kids and was totally incapable of caring for them (drug addict). The 2 older kids were placed with their grandparents but SS refused to let them have the baby and he was adopted. I still see no reason why the grandparents (late 40s, own home, financially stable, gran giving up work to SAHM) couldn’t also have had the baby, except SS wanted to take him away because he was “adoptable”.

My experience with ss was very negative so i understand completely why people dont like them very much.

I have worked alongside social services professionally and this one situation has almost broken me. The sheer ineptitude of the SWs I have worked alongside has led to a very vulnerable young person in serious danger. I wrote letters, raised concerns at every meeting, made phone calls and, at one point, begged the SW to read the child protection file. They refused and told me I was wrong. The child was returned to their neglectful and violent parents despite thriving with wonderful foster carers who were in it for the long hall. 2 months later the child was back in social care, but apparently can not go back to the lovely foster carers as they have retired having been worn down by the system. The child now has no one, except for me, and I am powerless. I am sure my experience is not reflective of the system as a whole, but it is frustrating. I blame the government and lack of funding.

Most other European countries try to place with family, I believe.