To think some posters are naive about SS?

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

I see many posts where people seem to believe either that SS will offer support and that parents who are loving and coping but struggling can contact them for a hand-hold, or posts where people believe a not ideal yet normal situation can and should be reported.

AIBU to think posters are naive about what SS actually do?

*"Unhappy people always shout the loudest"
*
No they don't. Unhappy people are usually dealing with all sorts of stresses and/or mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. People aren't usually quick to announce these things to the world and often suffer in silence.

Its utterly wrong for a SW to constantly threaten a parent with removal of their children just because they dont agree with a parent on how to best parent.
No one gets a handbook on how to parent, in my case i wanted to do better than my mother and i did everything for my children. They never ever went hungry..were always clean, clean home also. They were acting up a bit as any child who had so many changes in their life in a short time would do. Im also not the only parent to have split with a partner. My kids were not in any danger yet they still intruded on my and my kids lives..my kids hate SW and if one is mentioned the look of fear on their face says it all. Why would anyone ask them for help ever?

daily, doesn't have to be the same reasons. Just the same results, children being removed (instead of support in this case)

Friends of mine did actually get an apology from the head of the borough SS.
Police came by one night with a social worker, chatted to the kids and parents a bit, police said they'd had concerns reported but actually it was nice to meet a nice family with no bad news for once, sorry to bother you, must have been a malicious allegation. Social worker took notes, didn't say much.
Few weeks later, two social workers come by and tell the SAHD that he has to leave the house immediately or they are taking the kids into care. Luckily a friend was over, so when arguing didn't work dad went out and SS went away.
Next week involves lots of time on the phone trying to find out what dad is being accused of, allegations that cannot be true, thankfully excellent support from school. Police say that they have received further nonsensical allegations and will be treating any futher ones as malicious, so from their side there is no problem.

But SS say no contact is allowed with dad until they have a multi-agency meeting, which they kept not turning up to (to the great displeasure of two school heads and police, let alone the family). When the meeting happened, three months later, it became clear the social worker hugely disapproved of SAHD/WOHMs and anyone of a different religion.

SS agreed that dad could go home but not be alone with kids for more than two hours at a time - apparently an order used when a parent isn't coping? Obviously nonsensical if sexual abuse is suspected! At least this got him and kids reunited, so they went along with it, which led to six months of lots of friends of the family on a complex rota of just happening to drop in/keep dad company.

Meetings to try to get this lifted were delayed by the SW repeatedly and then turned out she'd quit. Eventually the head of CP for the borough was involved, couldn't believe what had happened, and gave a written apology.

I've encountered a few social workers and they've generally been very helpful but overworked, and sometimes very constrained by rules - eg foster mum friend wanted them to agree that fosterchild shouldn't be told when her mother was supposed to visit as mother kept failing to turn up and thus upsetting child, but they kept saying that 'wasn't allowed'.

I think people worry so much because of the effects one rogue or biased SW can have - I personally never want to have to try again to explain to a 3yo why Daddy hasn't been seen in two months and hasn't even phoned (I lied and said he was working and there had been problems but he should be back in a few days) and had nightmares and they weren't even my kids! When multiple agencies are involved in a case, if they hugely disagree (school, nursery, GP, consultant, police all say these are happy well-adjusted kids with no sign of abuse and the accusations have been deemed malicious by the police; one SW agrees but lead one says dad is sexually abusing them), then that discrepancy should be a huge red flag!

auntethel

It sounds like you're suggesting that it's OK to leave kids in these situations because the alternative is worse

auntethel
In my experience it is not just 2 people who have the authority to decide what happens to the child.
We had many meetings with parents and other proffesionals.
Child has appointed independent guardian.
They have a reviewing officer.
Both parents and SS have solicitors and there are many court proceedings before child can be adopted.
One of the parents of the child I care for is currently prosecuting the SS as they were left in terrible conditions when they were a child (30 years ago). The family was known to SS but children were left there to suffer unimaginable things.
They often say that they wish they had been taken into care.

Oh.......no one disagreeing with Lucinda? Awful helpless feeling isn't it Lucinda. I still have nightmares now, 10 years later!

Cassimin, read Lucinda's experience.

I've never encountered another sw who would take issue with a stay at home dad.

You can't remove a child over a difference of opinion in parenting. Their are baseline expectations of good enough parenting used in ss assessment tools and the welfare checklist in the ca 1989. It's not simply subjective.

The focus is not on removal it's simply not Cust effective!!

The only children who are 100% adoptable are very little white babies with no special needs or health issues. With no sibling contact. Getting adoptive placements for older children is very hard.

The the multi agency meeting - child protection conferences are held at ss offices so the not turning up thing is shite. Also you have to hold the conference within 10 working days of the strategy meeting which is when the professionals discuss the allegations - either same day or within 2 days of the report. The timeline doesn't add up on that story.

Also no police involvement doesn't absolve the parent of wrongdoing

cassimin I had thought about that, the successful legal cases I had heard of were people suing because they had been left in unsafe parental homes when they should have been removed.

@Cassimin my siblings and I would have been better off if we had been taken into care, no doubt about that. But as I was a child in the 70s and 80s, obviously things were very different. Nobody talked about childhood SA, and corporal punishment was acceptable in schools as well as at home.

Removing children is obviously traumatic for the child at the time and should be a last resort, but for those of us who suffered abuse for years it would have been by far preferable to have been removed. Read the heartbreaking posts on the Stately Homes threads, some birth families are truly toxic.

I've never encountered another sw who would take issue with a stay at home dad That means it never happens then? You can't remove a child over a difference of opinion in parenting.. They didn't, they removed the dad! The focus is not on removal....... The MN family lawyer (actually I think she's a barrister) must be wrong then? child protection conferences are held at SS offices Ours was held at a different location (still have the paperwork) Also you have to hold the conference within 10 working days of the strategy meeting In our case there was no strategy meeting. Just a couple of discussions with sw about us having to fully cooperate with moving dc to place of risk or they would call conference. We refused so conference was a month later. Specialists confirmed dc should NOT be moved. Long story short, devious methods used to obtain care order, supported by cafcass guardian. The very next day dc moved to the place of risk, other kids and adults injured. Dc distressed, ran onto main road, luckily not hit by cars. Wrong placements and treatment resulted in dc never learning to write. Now young adults, both still feeling suffering the repercussions. MP tried to intervene but was told we were too dangerous to meet with, yet one child remained at home!! Incidentally no record of drugs, alcoholic or police, yet all these things mentioned in ss reports, as pertaining to us. Cannot go public with evidence yet due to dc (although now adults) not being up to it. Why did they do all this? No idea!

auntethel I believe you. Social workers also accompany police on early morning raids and take children away. It is leverage

Thanks user, there's more but don't want to give too much away at this point. Have to think of the kids, but dying to put evidence out there!! So frustrating

Until it happened to us, never thought this kind of thing happened in UK. Naive!

aunt our SW came to my house. She asked if I could leave the room, so she could speak to ds alone.

5 minutes later, my ds came running out and hid under the table, saying SW had told him if he did not agree to go to school, he would go to prison! I told him this was not true. SW said that might not be true, but I would be prosecuted. My son run upstairs and locked himself in the bathroom. Social worker continued to hound him through the bathroom door, telling him she would be back tomorrow to take him to school herself!

At this point my son was subject to a CAMHS safety plan, a week earlier. After the same social worker had interviewed my son in school and he showed her his self harming injuries, told her he wanted to kill himself because of worries related to school ie bullying, not understanding what teachers wanted from him etc (he has Autism) she phoned me and told me to take him to A&E same day for an emergency mental health assessment by CAMHS.

CAMHS had written a report, safety plan, which included not attending school, if it increased his anxiety. GP had signed him off, pending further CAMHS assessment.

I threw her out of my home. I contacted my solicitor (who was already involved in EHCP process) they advised that I email SW, setting out exactly what happened and how distressed my son was, requesting that she did not come to house next day.

She replied, saying she was sorry to hear my son was distressed and she would see me tomorrow!

Solicitor then wrote to the Head of Services urgently and advised me not to open the door if she did turn up. She didn’t, we never saw her again. Official complaint made. File went missing!

Following this CAMHS signed my son off. He was out of school for a year. He refused to engage with the Home tutor LA provided and didn’t want any strangers in the house.

Even to this day, my son finds it hard to trust adults and still remembers that SW. it’s impacted on his trust in teachers and his education.

‘At risk of emotional harm’ from me, my arse.

Every SW I have meet since has been lovely and nothing like this one. But damage is done.

Google Child Protection AIMS Journal tried to get a link, but it wouldn't have it. It's a letter from AIMS (Association for Improvements in Maternity Services) to Chief Medical Officer, Department of Health. "The adverse effects of child protection on public health".

I think AIMS also made a report for Westminster but unable to find at the moment. Will keep searching.

There has to be a child protection system though, dc can't be left in families who sexually abuse them, or allow others to sexually abuse them in return for drugs, or don't feed or clothe them, or give them access to healthcare, this list could go on for a long time. Not every parent is safe even if well supported.

Claw, I'm so sorry that your ds went through all that. Unbelievable isn't it? The damage they do to children but most get away with it! At least you had "normal" sw's after that. Hope ds is ok

He isn’t ok actually, he is still receiving counselling in school and CAMHS therapy. Some 7/8 years later! He still cannot trust anyone in authority and it’s severely affected his mental health and school attendance.

In my opinion CP SW should not be involved with children with disabilities, unless they are trained in SEN and the EHCP process!

All info was there, this particular SW was just incapable of understanding it.

Her job was to support ds and she was incapable of doing so.

Totally agree midges, but what's the answer? The sw's who do act badly are usually not accountable, protected by their seniors, and they're damaging children and families.

Totally agree midges, but what's the answer? The sw's who do act badly are usually not accountable, protected by their seniors, and they're damaging children and families

That is demonstrably not true. The HCPC regularly sanction social workers, much more so than any other professional they register. I am not saying that all bad social workers get sanctioned but a hell of a lot do.

Same here claw, with both mine, even now as adults. Distrust of just about everyone apart from us and a couple of close friends.