To think some posters are naive about SS?

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

I see many posts where people seem to believe either that SS will offer support and that parents who are loving and coping but struggling can contact them for a hand-hold, or posts where people believe a not ideal yet normal situation can and should be reported.

AIBU to think posters are naive about what SS actually do?

Tess there are a million hypothetical cases. Nobody can put a real case on here for obvious reasons, only give examples. But unless you know the inns and outs of a case it’s hard to understand.

I will just add though that not all older siblings are upset about a younger sibling moving out, particularly if they are from a previous relationship.

I can imagine a situation where a baby might be removed if the situation placed them at risk of severe neglect (like if the mother had PND and wasn't caring for the baby adequately) but where the care of the other child was 'good enough' and there was obviously no serious risk. The differential risk might be exacerbated by, say, an ex partner who shared care of the 10 year old but had/wanted nothing to do with the baby, or similar. There are many, many complex situations out there.

Sorry Tess that reads ruder than it was meant

It doesn't "happen a lot to parents with learning difficulties" unless those learning difficulties mean they are unable to adequately care for children. Which is unfortunately sometimes the case and the needs of the children must come first.

From reading this thread I can see that people really are only looking at things from the pov of the parents? I think it might be helpful to try and imagine the pov of the children involved as well, might help with some insight.

You don’t have to be a good parent, just ‘good enough’

You can be a drug addict but if you manage it with methadone and can keep your child safe and fed then in all likelihood you can keep your children.

I remember a SW once saying to me, ‘can you imagine if we took children away from everyone who takes drugs? The system would collapse!’

goat that was my understanding. Processes and procedures were followed. Parents are told what improvements need to be made, plans are made, progress is monitored, foster carers are used etc. Only when all other means have failed, is adoption considered.

Which makes the 10 year old/ newborn adopted scenario, a bit nonsensical!

Personally think those who moan and hate SS have reason to fear them. If you have nothing to hide why worry? Anyone with contact should work with them not against them I think.
Also I don't buy that they take kids away with all these cutbacks financially it would be a huge burden on the local authority and I genuinely believe they have the best interests of the child.

I think it might be helpful to try and imagine the pov of the children involved as well, might help with some insight.

Obviously people understand, on an intellectual level, that there are lots of situations where it is in the best interests of a child to be removed from their parents.

But come on. On the emotional level, how many people would be prepared to call SS and calmly, dispassionately ask them to take their children into care because it's in their interests? We feed, wash, cuddle and fight for our children because that is what we evolved to do. The thought of someone removing them - whether or not it might, in the balance, be better for them - is incomprehensible to most parents. Of course they resist the idea.

Personally think those who moan and hate SS have reason to fear them. If you have nothing to hide why worry? Anyone with contact should work with them not against them I think.

I almost hope you get some unwanted SS attention so you'll be forced to eat those ridiculous words.

Personally think those who moan and hate SS have reason to fear them. If you have nothing to hide why worry?

What is 'nothing to hide'?

Never doing a single thing as a parent that a person in a position of authority might frown on?

Never doing a single "clearly bad" thing?

Where do you draw the line?

One of my friends opened the door to SWs who barged past her into the house and told her that they were having her dd. They already had a foster family lined up and waiting for her and there was no use trying to defend herself

Like that. Of course that is what they will tell other people, not the real story, which was nothing like that

So what was it like?

I can only go on my experiences and what I have witnessed.

Just because it doesn't fit into your experiences doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

Sassitudeandsparkle this was her first meeting she had never met anyone from SS before.

Oliversmumsarmy, you're talking nonsense. Social workers can not barge in and take children. As has been outlined there is a process

I didn't say they took her DC this was what the SW said was going to happen. All on the back of a complaint by her drug addled exh

claw it doesn’t happen (in my experience but I’ve only been involved with this work for 2 years) but the one time I know of it made sense. Not ideal, but best under the circumstances.

There are also cases where more than one child has been taken from a family with multiple children because two are showing behavioural issues that mum can’t cope with and three children remain.

It doesn’t happen often is what I meant to say!

@toomanychilder

I said learning disabilities not difficulties, there is quite a significant difference and it was a completely fair question asked in good faith.

@GoatWithACoat

I understand and you don't come across as rude. I just find it hard to marry forced adoption as an extreme option used only in extreme cases with a home that other children can live in.

It’s very rarely forced adoption, more like, ‘ok you are clearly struggling with new baby as well as teen, can baby stay with family and you see him there? If not let’s have regular contact with baby but let a foster carer take over for the early years then see how things are’

I didn't say they took her DC this was what the SW said was going to happen. All on the back of a complaint by her drug addled exh

I don't know who told you you were talking nonsense but your friends story is very similar to a HCPC (social work regulator) investigation.

It’s very rarely forced adoption, more like, ‘ok you are clearly struggling with new baby as well as teen, can baby stay with family and you see him there? If not let’s have regular contact with baby but let a foster carer take over for the early years then see how things are

Then we are speaking at cross purposes. I am very specifically talking about forced adoption. I can completely understand how the above scenario could come about.

If you have nothing to hide why worry?

There have been lots of examples on this thread of unwarranted SS involvement.

Ah I see sorry I’ve got muddled up twice now. I think this is the sort of thread I need to give full attention to, not while trying to feed the zoo at home

But come on. On the emotional level, how many people would be prepared to call SS and calmly, dispassionately ask them to take their children into care because it's in their interests?

Calmly and dispassionately, no. But that absolutely does happen. Parents voluntarily hand children to social services more often than you would imagine.

I said learning disabilities not difficulties, there is quite a significant difference and it was a completely fair question asked in good faith.

I was responding to the poster who said difficulties, not disabilities. You can tell because I quoted it and it was not your post.

They’ve been a lifesaver for me. My son simply refused to go to school and the school blamed me. My life was hardly worth living thanks to my consisting of trying to get my son to school, failing and missing work. I was constantly upset and going to court. SS helped get my son tested for ASD and suggested I homeschool, we’re all a lot happier for the choices they supported me in making. Not everything the SS do is good but it’s certainly not all bad.

toomanychilder

I know they do. I'm not talking about what people do in desperation. I am talking about the - frankly ridiculous - expectation that most people are capable of objectively assessing their own parenting, deeming themselves inadequate and "seeing it from the child's perspective". It is precisely because we can't do that that we need SS. People go on the defensive because they are in danger of losing their children, or think they are, and I believe that is perfectly natural.

I'm a cp sw. I did do an AMA.....

I don't see where anyone had that expectation. I said the childs pov in regards to this thread and discussions like it, not with regard to their own parenting.