To think some posters are naive about SS?

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

I see many posts where people seem to believe either that SS will offer support and that parents who are loving and coping but struggling can contact them for a hand-hold, or posts where people believe a not ideal yet normal situation can and should be reported.

AIBU to think posters are naive about what SS actually do?

Social services tried to take me away from my mother permanently because she couldn't always care for me due to illness. She had a massive legal battle to stop them. SS then placed me with some truly awful, borderline abusive, foster carers. The best social worker my mother had was probably the one who was useless and did nothing because at least that meant he did nothing bad.

So I'm with you OP, I wouldn't trust SS. I reckon they often make an early decision, they think the child should stay or should be removed, and every later report and piece of evidence they get will be distorted by their bias.

Social services are overstrerched. Where I live there are posters asking families who are interested in fostering to come forward (I live in London, I have been seeing these for months now). There are not enough foster parentz or adopters so why would they snatch children?

On top of that, it's so hard to really support families and there's so much abuse going on children that goes unreported. Health visitors come rarely, GPs never have appointments and if you really have PND they don't always offer therapy (waiting lists).

I would urge anyone who is feeling let down, not listened to, mislead or bullied to complain complain complain! It's the only way Ss will sit up and listen.

Mine went from;

You have to do this course..
You will be doing this..
You have to sign this..
You must do as we say..
There are consequences if you don't do as we say..
The CIN plan is something you have to follow..

To;

Well we^ didn't mean you had^ to do the course..
We were only suggesting..
We wouldn't make you sign anything..
We are only here to guide you to the right resources, we can't force you..
A CIN plan is only optional suggestions..

Complain complain complain!

I don't know what happened to the italics in that post! 🤔

I too have had many different experiences with SS.

My own which was a disaster. the final SW'er apologised verbally to my parents (both recently retired very senior SW'ers) for the multiple failings.

My mum said to the Chair, that my case was one of the worst mishandled cases she'd seen in her 20 years of social working. He said 'I agree'.

Complaint. Upheld. before the case went missing, like Claw's.

But the damage was already done. Complaining afterwards matters little.

I have since helped many other families, working with a friend who is a lawyer and parent governor and another friend who is a parent governor, to assist in cases not dissimilar to mine.

Mistakes, assumptions, not following procedures and protocols, basic lying and dishonesty and unprofessionalism, I would say was shocking, but I'm no longer shocked by it.

I think the danger here is the idea that we (non social workers/ police/ child protection service personnel) get to make the decisions.

We don't. It's not our job.

If you suspect a child is unsafe, it is not your call to double-guess what the services may or may not do, you have to report it.

It's not fair on the person with concerns as they end up carrying the worry and it's not fair on the child as they have been denied the chance of a proper assessment.

I have had the whole spectrum of experience with children's social care in a professional capacity and I would still always refer if I thought a child was at risk.

We have two adopted kids. We have dealt with amazing SW's and truly awful ones.
Our children have older siblings with birth parents (one with each parent as they don't live together) and we have met one of them when he was taken into FC for a few months. I believe the older ones would struggle to be removed permanently due to their love for their parents, even though those same people struggle to look after them, keep them safe, feed and clothe them and even make sure they go to school. I also believe that the SW looked into everyone close to the birth family to see if they could be looked after and made the right decision to remove them and put them up for adoption.
Its not perfect and AD in particular struggles with trauma she suffered with pre birth but i do believe we are providing them with a loving, caring home that they would not have got had they stayed with either of the birth parents.

That’s what I don’t get trex

Either the environment is dangerous and damaging to a child, or it isn’t.

I think it's natural to be naive if you don't work in the industry or have never had involvement. It's also easy to be outraged as when catastrophic mistakes like Baby P come to light, we hear about social workers ignoring pet shit on the walls etc I have had neither and was dismayed to hear that a father can break a mother's jaw yet have unsupervised access to the kids.

I don't think that Social Services is the only subject that people are naive about. "Call the police" is a similar response to some posts and the threshold for them investigating things is similarly high. I only know this from personal experience.

Incidentally, there are only a small number of European countries which carry out the barbaric act of forced adoption. I will check on this but as far as I know, it's only UK, Norway and possibly Sweden.

So what is the alternative to forced adoption? For those parents who, even with support CAN not or WILL not provide care and safety for their children?? Who will not agree to relinquish them despite huge levels of abuse and neglect. What is the alternative to forced adoption? Leave children to be abused and neglected because their rights matter less than their parents??
Or bounce them around the foster care system for the rest of their lives?

Nobody is saying that forced adoption should be done easily, it is only ever a last resort but sometimes it's necessary.

A family member had her child placed with the father. It was horribly badly handled so my eyes have been opened. That child has been through a horrible time and he’s with a really shoddy parent. Every court case, the solicitor was stunned at how badly it went for the Mum. It’s a scary system to get into.

Other countries manage it jac and I’d be interested in knowing how.

Mistakes, assumptions, not following procedures and protocols, basic lying and dishonesty and unprofessionalism, I would say was shocking, but I'm no longer shocked by it

This is my professional and personal experience too.

The assumptions are so dangerous because they prevent SW seeing any evidence that contradicts their original assumptions. Then they lie or manipulate to get the “ evidence “ that they need to back up their assumptions that they “ know” are correct and dismiss other information or opinions as irrelevant.

So it leads to catastrophic and life destroying errors either way.

Sometimes children are left in the care of / are forced to see bad parents who harm them, often irreparably, and sometimes kill them.

Other times children are removed from parents who are stressed but are either good enough or could become so with a little of the right kind of support at the right time.

These are the opposite sides of the same coin.

*That’s what I don’t get trex

Either the environment is dangerous and damaging to a child, or it isn’t.*

Well no because children of different ages have different needs.

Newborn,will hopefully form a strong bond with new care givers fairly easily and if left in the family home is completely helpless, unable to feed or defend themselves.

Ten year old, have a bond with biological parents that they would find traumatic to break, this means they may struggle to attach effectively to new care givers. On the other hand, as they are more independent they are more able to fend for themselves and would cope better with low level neglect.

It isn't perfect by any means but it's about balancing the needs of individuals.

No, it isn’t perfect.

Someone who would severely mistreat or neglect a baby should not be left with a ten year old.

Most interventions are not about ‘severely mistreating’ as such. The vast majority are neglect cases. Ten year old can protect themselves more easily against neglect than a baby.

I think some cases will be clear cut, glaringly obvious abuse or neglect etc.

At risk of emotional abuse, what does the mean? They think parent might at some point?

Never will I want any “help” from ss. Ive been referred before (due to my ex) and the SW was a complete nightmare! Turning up unannounced, despite it not being a child protection issue. Lying about seeing me on days that she didnt. I even had an appointment at the council once about my housing and she seen me and came into the room (completely uninvited) demanding to be part of the meeting and telling everyone was my SW. despite the fact that she was only doing an assessment at the time and wasnt actually “my SW” I made a complaint and funnily enough never seen her again after that and the one who did come out completed the assessment that same day and closed the case with no concerns!

That’s ok then goat

I didn’t say it was ok did I? I was trying to explain why ten year olds are often left in the care of parents who have had a baby removed.

And it is wrong. Babies should only be removed from the care of their parents in extreme circumstances - circumstances you wouldn’t leave a ten year old in either.

We had a fantastic SW but her hands were tied as we couldn't access any of the support services she could refer us to as we didn't meet the criteria due to me not being on benefits. She even came and dropped my youngest to school when I could not get out with DD1.

Check its a SW and not a family support worker. My only stress, threats and misguided reports has been with one unqualified Family Support trainee social worker with no experience of SEN who by the end of our first meeting had told me all about her child and her plans to qualify as a SW and move to Australia - but listed in her report my living room was sparsely decorated (because DD would throw furniture and be a risk to herself, which I was never asked about) and told her that we were scared of her which was never said by us and stopped her sleeping for months. She was reported by me and was removed from our case. It's interesting to read the difference in the reports from when we were first referred to SS and her being diagnosed with autism.

For those of you with disabled children going through the rings with SS or CAMHS, it's taken years but we have been referred to Banardos via CAMHS as they offer a 1:1 mentor programme. Ask about it.

Hate SS having them almost tear my family apart because my way wasnt what they wanted and now having proven my way has worked, proof is in the children and the adults they have become.
They need to learn when to back off and when to get involved, come on how many kids have died cause of there failures..because too busy hounding good caring parents like myself and dont bother with those that clearly need help.
My eldest actually told them to get lost because he was fed up with them upsetting his mom.

Sometimes the ten year old won’t meet the threshold for neglect though if they are clean, fed, get to school, see friends etc because they manage themselves. A baby won’t fare well under those circumstances. Sometimes a parent copes with one child but then a newborn arrives and things change for any number of reasons. On paper it seems strange that one child can be taken and one left but often the needs of one child can be best served by a parent when they simply can’t meet the needs of a more dependent child.

because too busy hounding good caring parents like myself and dont bother with those that clearly need help

Yup. Thats what all SW do. It really is a job people do purely to piss people off.