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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to panic about smaller age gap than planned?

68 replies

GirlFromMars1 · 21/08/2018 07:52

Really hope this doesn't come across insensitive to anyone trying to conceive but it took us about 6 months of trying to conceive first time round. DD has just turned 2 so we said we would just see what happened from here on but wouldn't be actively trying. I can see already how stupid this sounds. Anyway literally one or 2 incidents later it turns out I'm pregnant. I'm now freaking out about the fact my daughter will only be about 2 and 8 months. Feel all kinds of guilt that we aren't getting to spend more time with her alone plus I haven't been taking pre-natal vitamins this time round and had one huge boozy night out so am scared how that could have affected the embryo. Anyone else got kids with similar age gap that can reassure me that it's gonna be ok?!

OP posts:

PattiStanger · 21/08/2018 07:58

I can't reassure you as no one knows how your situation will turn out but I can tell you that I have never taken any type of vitamins, had more than one drunken night before I knew I was pregnant with any of my DC and have much smaller age gaps and my DC are absolutely fine.

Are you an anxious person, what you describe is totally normal for most people ime.

Congrats on your pregnancy, try not to worry.

HP07 · 21/08/2018 08:00

Took us 2 years to conceive our first, a much longed for baby. We were told, due to fertility issues on my part, that if we wanted more than one, that we shouldn’t waste any time. Anyway within 3 months of my cycles returning I was pregnant. It was planned but a surprise it happened so quickly nonetheless. We have almost 20 months between our children. Our son is 22 months now and daughter almost 12 weeks. It’s going much better than I had expected so far. Juggling and making time for both of them can be tricky but we’re coping fine. I can only imagine it will be even easier for you as your daughter is that much older. Get her involved in the excitement and preparation for the baby as much as you can. Once baby is heregive her little jobs to do like helping with nappies, bathtime etc and make sure people make a fuss of her being the big sister and hopefully you will be fine. Good luck.

Bluelady · 21/08/2018 08:01

Two years and eight months is a pretty standard age gap and quite a lot bigger than many families have. My two younger step children are two years and six months apart and it is and always was fine.

My gran had six in seven years, a closer and happier family you'd never find.

ElainaElephant · 21/08/2018 08:01

I have 19 months between my two. They are now both at uni and are good friends as well as siblings, with a lot in common.

After the initiative baby stages, I found it easier having two, as they helped to entertain each other.

I was glad to have mine close together. I couldn't do the having kids with a big gap and so extending the time when you need to worry about childcare etc.

Fishywishyhead · 21/08/2018 08:01

I have the same gap between my eldest and my middle. It wasn’t the easiest as my eldest had discovered his voice by the time she was born and was an absolute arsehole of a 3 year old. My middle and youngest had 3.5 years between them which was much easier.

But in all honesty it was fine, my friends who had a two year age gap are the ones who have lost their marbles!

shopaholic85 · 21/08/2018 08:02

Congratulations. I don't think that is a small age gap, as your DD will be almost 3 when baby is born and you still have time alone with them before then. In fact, I think it's the perfect age gap - as the older will get funded childcare so you can have time alone with baby on maternity leave. Also, they are more likely to want to play together, which you will really appreciate as they get older.

A lot of people don't take pre-natal vitamins if they are not actively trying, so just start taking folic acid now. One boozy night before finding out isn't going to harm the baby.

HumpHumpWhale · 21/08/2018 08:04

I got pregnant on my DS's second birthday. It was 100% fine. The second baby was so much less stressful (despite being an even worse sleeper than my first, but I just didn't fight it and co-slept from day one). It's a good age gap, they play together now at 5 and 2. Sure, the new born days are hard but it was fine. And it goes by so much faster! I honestly wouldn't change it. And DS adjusted fine to having a sister. He sometimes says he doesn't like her but he also stepped in to defend her when someone was telling her off on holiday recently ("Her is just a toddler! Her doesn't know! Her is not being bad!") & there is nothing cuter than them kissing each other good morning and good night.

Fatted · 21/08/2018 08:05

There are 2 years and 6 weeks between my two boys. We planned this age gap, as daft as we were! I actually think it meant I got to spend more time with my eldest, because I went from working full time to being home all the time on mat leave. I then worked part time evenings around my husband's hours so I have been home all day for both of them.

It's not been easy but honestly I don't know any different. My pregnancy was a lot harder second time around! But I'm glad we did all the baby stuff with them in one hit. Now they are 5 and 3. They're really close. Youngest starts nursery school in September and I feel like all the crazy baby days are done. I really can't understand people who wait until first goes to school to have another.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 21/08/2018 08:05

There will be three years and three months between mine. But I’m having twins, so I understand how you’re feeling. We planned for a second and DC3 tagged along!

It will be okay OP. As for vitamins I have always had awful sickness and never been able to keep down vitamins in pregnancy until well after 12 weeks. You will be fine.

Congratulations!

furandchandeliers · 21/08/2018 08:06

I think 2 and a half years is about right tbh I have a large family and quite a few smalll age gaps including one at 10 and a half months and the 2 and a half year gap was the nicest.

DinosApple · 21/08/2018 08:06

Honestly it will be fine. It's not what you were expecting but it will be fine. All age gaps have their positives and negatives, it's just a wee bit sooner than you were expecting.

And 2 years plus is fairly standard. Lots of your DDs friends as she grows will have similar age gaps. Play dates that will entertain both your DC are brilliant!

Start taking your vitamins now and one boozy night before your positive test shouldn't be a problem. Congratulations!

Marmite27 · 21/08/2018 08:09

Our gap was supposed to be 2 years 8 months, but DC2 was very early. It’s 2 years 6 months.

It’s ok, because it has to be. It’s not all doom and gloom though, you make it work and it’s lovely too

backpain · 21/08/2018 08:10

I have 14 months between mine because I fell after one time! As for prenatal vitamins yes they probably do help somewhat but I'm sure millions of women don't take them, and they certainly didn't a long time ago, and everything is fine.
I think you have a perfect age gap

BadHairDyeDay · 21/08/2018 08:13

I took 2 years to conceive DD1 and found out I was expecting DS2 when she was 10 months old. To save you the arithmetic they are 18 months apart! When I found out about my second pregnancy I felt the exact same feelings of guilt that you're feeling, that I hadn't spent enough time to enjoy her on her own . I also worried I wouldn't love my second child as much because of these feelings. Thankfully all my worries were unfounded and I felt the same love for my second child as I do my first. The early days were tough I'm not going to lie but as they have got older they get on great, are one year apart at school and know lots of the same friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes life goes in a different direction than what we expect with joyful consequences. It's gonna be ok !!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/08/2018 08:14

2 years 7 months gap here. Baby is 8 months old and so far so good! I actually wanted them a bit closer but didn't work out. Eldest is old enough to understand I can't pick them both up and that she has to wait for things, and can sit in a room by herself for a while watching TV if I'm putting the baby to bed. But young enough they like playing with some of the same toys and having crawling races etc. If the eldest is staying at grandparents etc and she Skypes, the first thing she asks is to see the baby. She likes going on the buggy board and entertaining her in the pram. They get on much better than I thought so far (I am aware this will change when she starts spoiling her games etc but it's lovely at the moment!)

Oh and I went on the biggest bender of my life before discovering I was pregnant with rhe first (think not making it home type drinking!) I think I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I'd only just come off the pill so really wasn't expecting it. I don't normally go that crazy with drinking either just had a few v big events back to back. Anyway she is fine and hitting all developmental milestones though I don't think I will stop worrying that I've damaged her til she's an adult! The midwife said it was very common

Somersetlady · 21/08/2018 08:16

I thought this was going to be an Irish twins thread!
Thats a big gap OP you will be totally fine! We have less than 2 years between two boys and it’s heartwarming to see how close they are and how much fun they have together!

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 08:19

That’s not close! Sounds a normal gap to me. My first 2 were 16 months apart.

Don’t panic op. My older ones were soooo close and still are. All my kids are it’s nurture so I expect yours will be close.

Don’t even think about vitamins etc. It will be fine.

MrsPartridgeStMarys · 21/08/2018 08:22

Two years and 5 months between my two. It’s a fab age gap, I was worried for the opposite reason, I wanted a smaller age gap. Babies are so portable that you just carry on normal life with your toddler until the youngest becomes old enough to be on the move.

5000KallaxHoles · 21/08/2018 08:22

Took us 6 years to get DD1... one random night for DD2 and there's under 11 months between them. It's fine and they love each other ridiculous amounts and are incredibly close.

5000KallaxHoles · 21/08/2018 08:23

The age gap should have been just over a year but I don't carry pregnancies to full-term apparently... we weren't THAT rampant!

Oysterbabe · 21/08/2018 08:23

That's a really normal age gap, you'll be fine.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/08/2018 08:24

A 2 year 8 month age gap is distinctly average.

There's 18 months between our two, and we started trying when DC1 was about 7 months old.

Shaboohshoobah1 · 21/08/2018 08:24

Second all the other comments - that’s not a small gap at all - mine are 18 months apart, and I’ve met people with a year between theirs (now THAT is small) You will be fine!

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/08/2018 08:24

3 years between mine. I found it hard to simultaneously cope with the elemental needs of the baby and the more intellectual needs of the 3yr old. 2yrs 8 months might be an improvement.

RoadToRivendell · 21/08/2018 08:25

Sounds normal to me, although I completely understand why you're freaking out.

The next 3 or 4 years will be hard, but they'll be your new normal.

Good luck.

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