Aibu to panic about smaller age gap than planned?

[GirlFromMars1]

Really hope this doesn't come across insensitive to anyone trying to conceive but it took us about 6 months of trying to conceive first time round. DD has just turned 2 so we said we would just see what happened from here on but wouldn't be actively trying. I can see already how stupid this sounds. Anyway literally one or 2 incidents later it turns out I'm pregnant. I'm now freaking out about the fact my daughter will only be about 2 and 8 months. Feel all kinds of guilt that we aren't getting to spend more time with her alone plus I haven't been taking pre-natal vitamins this time round and had one huge boozy night out so am scared how that could have affected the embryo. Anyone else got kids with similar age gap that can reassure me that it's gonna be ok?!

11 months between my youngest. Had the implant fitted. Was absolutely crazy in my house for the first few weeks. But it's brilliant. They are best friends. I would think 2 years and 8 months is a pretty average age gap. You will be fine!

I got pregnant when ds1 was 15 months old... there are just less than 2 years between my boys! It's been fine! Congratulations

I think I was lucky with DD1, sweetheart. I trained her when she was just 2 and she got it straight away. Saved me a fortune not buying two sets of nappies!

My 2 youngest dd are 2yrs 8 months apart, baby is 1 month old. It’s one of my larger gaps. I preferred smaller gaps (13 months was perfect) as my 2 yr old is not really able to understand and is quite unpredictable. Her gentle loving of the baby is frankly terrifying!!! But it’s fine. No gap is perfect as you have no idea the personalities of the children and how they will get on.
Congratulations and enjoy!

And my 2 yr 8 month toilet trained in May both day and night so only 1 in nappies.

That’s quite a normal age gap tbh. I have 15 months between my first two and 14 months between #2 and #3! Don’t even ask how I survived that one but I somehow did . They’ve grown up together and are very close.

Not to say we’re anything like the Waltons, it isn’t always easy and they do bicker but it’s been easier in the sense they have generally gone through similar stages together.

Less than 2 years between my two. I would worry that 2 years 8m was too big a gap
At the end of the day everyome gets on with the age gaps they have and generally whatever you have works. I find holidays and family activities are so much easier because my 2 are close in age. And instead of seeing it as your first missing out on time alone see it as them getting a play mate. That's how it has always been here.

(And I realised I contradicted myself saying no gap was perfect... I meant regarding planning, it just so happens my children 13months apart are really close and I found 2 ‘babies’ easier than toddler and newborn. But if your toddler likes your newborn it’s ok. My first child was 26 months when his sister came along and he detested her in sight and it never really changed!!)

@outpinked I managed to achieve similar and ended up with 4 under 5. It was great fun and the ones really close together are awesome mates!

That's not a small gap! I have 13 month and 22 month age gaps (2 years and 11 months between dcs 1 and 3......). I think it's a pretty standard and possibly larger than average age gap.

My 2 are 2.5 years apart and they are the very best of friends. The age gap is perfect as they are in to similar things at the same time but then enough apart so they are not in direct competition with each other e.g. different groups for their dancing. Also your dd will quickly forget there was ever a time without your dc2 so there won't be any jealousy or resentment, as is the case for some children that get siblings older .

That’s honestly not that small a gap, you will be fine! It took me 6 months to conceive ds and I was aiming for about 2 year gap between him and the next one. Got pregnant straight away so will have an 18 month gap. It’s shorter than I would have planned but there are lots of positives to having them close in age. The older one will always need you in some sense no matter how big an age gap.

As another poster asked, are yo generally an anxious person? If anything, this is a larger gap than usual (based on myself and friends). Think you need to relax unless there was another motivation for your ‘question’?

Thanks so much for all the reassurance. I know we are very lucky to have managed to conceive so quickly. I feel so stupid for the way we just assumed it would take a while. I'm such a control freak with most things that the fact this has totally taken me by surprise has just shocked me a bit. I think I'm quite anxious in general so to suddenly feel like I'm perhaps not as ready as I thought I'd be to do it all over again has scared me. There's no question over not having it though, and I know that I would probably always worry that theres never a perfect time for no2. I think I am just so aware of how much overwhelming love I have for my first born that I already feel anxious that it won't be the same next time. The more I type the more ridiculous it all sounds. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. x

And i started the folic acid immediately when i found out and completely off the booze now. Not a big drinker but just had one unusually big night out where we skipped dinner and I ended up being sick before bed. When I still felt hungover a week later I thought I'd do a test just in case not truly believing it would be possible. 3 tests later and a panic attack...

I think I am just so aware of how much overwhelming love I have for my first born that I already feel anxious that it won't be the same next time
I remember feeling exactly this. How could I ever love a second child as much as my pfb? But you do. It's amazing. Now I can't imagine how I ever doubted it.

I thought around two years was quite a common age gap?

ItsColdNow my DS will be 26 months when DC2 appears and I think that’s my biggest fear - that he’ll detest it on sight and I will basically have ruined his life There was 2 years 6 months between me and my DSis and I couldn’t stand her from the moment she came home, she is my polar opposite and we hated each other until I left for university. I’m so afraid that this is what inflicting on my lovely sweet natured DS.