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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to panic about smaller age gap than planned?

68 replies

GirlFromMars1 · 21/08/2018 07:52

Really hope this doesn't come across insensitive to anyone trying to conceive but it took us about 6 months of trying to conceive first time round. DD has just turned 2 so we said we would just see what happened from here on but wouldn't be actively trying. I can see already how stupid this sounds. Anyway literally one or 2 incidents later it turns out I'm pregnant. I'm now freaking out about the fact my daughter will only be about 2 and 8 months. Feel all kinds of guilt that we aren't getting to spend more time with her alone plus I haven't been taking pre-natal vitamins this time round and had one huge boozy night out so am scared how that could have affected the embryo. Anyone else got kids with similar age gap that can reassure me that it's gonna be ok?!

OP posts:
mizu · 21/08/2018 08:25

17 months between mine, not intentional and hard work at first but great now.

emoji · 21/08/2018 08:26

Sounds like a fairly normal age gap??! I thought you were going to say 12 months!

There will be 14 months between my two and I'm shitting myself. DD was IVF and this pregnancy was a complete fluke/surprise

RoadToRivendell · 21/08/2018 08:28

There will be 14 months between my two and I'm shitting myself

Oh boy! Good luck! That's great news.

motortroll · 21/08/2018 08:34

Oh I thought you were going to say under a year! 2 yrs 8 months sounds perfect tbh! My first age gap is 23 months (bit too small for me with hindsight) and second age gap 5 years (too long for me and makes family activities tricky!)

motortroll · 21/08/2018 08:35

And congratulations obviously!! Xxx

SweetheartNeckline · 21/08/2018 08:37

I'm expecting DC4 and worried that the age gap of 3 years and a couple of weeks is too big, having had 2 years 3 months and 2 years exactly before. There are pros and cons to every age gap. Congratulations OP.

3stonedown · 21/08/2018 08:38

2.5 years is pretty average where I am. DD is just 2 and people are rudely making comments on how we should get a move on and when I say we would like a 3.5-4 year gap they say that's much too big. Can't win hey!

Congratulations and don't worry about drink and vitamins, thousands of women have done the same, just start taking them now and stop having boozy nights.

5000KallaxHoles · 21/08/2018 08:39

emoji it'll be fine - there's a period where you're weaning the younger one where it does just feel like your entire existence is spent putting food into small people but it gets manageable fairly fast. I'd rather my age gap than a crawling baby putting things in their mouth versus a sibling at the Lego stage!

Mine are dead close now - make arrangements in the car on the way to school to meet in a certain spot on the playground to play on a lunchtime!

Slimmingsnake · 21/08/2018 08:41

My dd was 2 years and 10 months ,and she had 2 younger brothers ....not twins...was fine ..they are all adults now .

Bluetrews25 · 21/08/2018 08:42

'Just seeing what happens' ie not using contraception, is the same as 'actively trying' in that it usually gives the same results! Have seen a lot of threads on here just like yours, OP. Congratulations on your happy surprise predictable outcome. You'll be fine, that's a lovely gap.

WhatALearningCurve · 21/08/2018 08:44

There is 13 months between me and my younger brother, apart from a running joke that he's favourited because he's a mummy boy, I can safely say there have never been issues about me feeling left out. I'm one of 6 kids and we're all in little pairs (most age gaps about 18months to 2 years) and none of us resent it. If anything - you automatically have a friend to play with when you're little. My nieces that are similar ages are the same - best friends (I'm sure boys would be too, we're just a very female family!). I wouldn't worry about it and enjoy it!

Dogsorlogs · 21/08/2018 08:44

You'll be fine, 2 years 8 months is a great age gap.

I've got 16 months between my 2 and it's been difficult but they're really close. I'm now waiting to see if surprise DC3 is on the way after condom failure, DC2 is only 7 months Confused

Mommybearx · 21/08/2018 08:47

Congratulations! I personally think that’s a very normal gap, for me I didn’t want anything more than 3 years as there’s 5 and 10 years between me and my siblings and there was so much of our childhood where we were in different stages and had nothing in common it’s onlt now from young adult onwards we are on the same level. So I have exactly 2 years between my two- it’s been hard work especially because my oldest was a babyish 2year old and going through terrible twos, but now my 1 youngest is one and oldest is 3 it’s easier, and will be even easier once my 1year old is working. I personally think you will find it even easier as by the time baby is born your eldest should be out of the terrible 2 stage, understand more and probably be caring and involved in the baby, handing you things talking to baby etc. It won’t be like having two babies. I honestly think it’s great and you wouldn’t want any more of a gap, your use to it now, a bigger gap would mean it’s more tiring as it’s going back to that stage and interfere more with your eldest routine like school and extra activities - this way they can grow together!

Mommybearx · 21/08/2018 08:48

Excuse some of the words being incorrect! Autocorrect on my phone Blush

bellinisurge · 21/08/2018 08:49

Congratulations! There are 14 months between my sister and brother and then a wait for 7 years until I was born. You will work it out. Have faith in yourself.

LemonysSnicket · 21/08/2018 08:51

That's a very normal age gap

sickmumma · 21/08/2018 08:51

I have a 2 year gap between each of my children and they all get on really well and I found it to be fine! I now
Have a 5 year gap and am worrying about that!!

emoji · 21/08/2018 09:01

Thanks @RoadToRivendell and @5000KallaxHoles SmileSmile

Childrenofthesun · 21/08/2018 09:05

Very standard gap. Mine are 2 years and 6 months apart and the 2 year old was really good when her sister was born. I would get potty-training done first if you can and maybe sort a couple of mornings at pre-school if you can afford it. I actually wish I'd had mine a little closer together.

My brother and I are 12 months apart! My Mum says it was very hard work.

FfionFlorist · 21/08/2018 09:06

I have a 10 month gap between dd1 and ds and they're in the same school year. Now that was a surprise especially as I was ebf. Congratulations, you'll be fine.

DrWhy · 21/08/2018 10:27

I will have a 2 year 2 month gap and like you are really panicking about it. I totally wanted a small gap so that family holidays and activities would be easier with things in common but now it’s happening I really wish we hadn’t done it. My DS is still so small, I adore him, he’s a generally very easy and good natured toddler but still doesn’t sleep through the night and wants lots of cuddles. I just feel like the new baby is going to ruin his life, it can’t possibly be as good and helpful and lovely as he is. I haven’t bonded at all with the bump and am really struggling to make myself think about names let alone things I need to buy for it. DS is my world and I’m afraid I’ve made the most awful mistake.

MrsST · 21/08/2018 10:30

My age gap is 13 months. Trust me you'll be absolutely fine. I managed with that age gap and trust me it was bloody hard work Grin

SweetheartNeckline · 21/08/2018 10:34

Childrenofthesun that's so funny, my advice would be the opposite! Don't start preschool or nursery because it's nice not to /have/ to get out in the mornings... don't rush to potty train (obviously go with it if eldest wants to though!) because they might regress when baby arrives, having 2 in nappies means no wee / poo accidents on the sofa and a nappy buys you 5 minutes to finish a feed before changing eldest's nappies whereas a loo run is pretty immediate. Guess we all do what suits our families! Smile

goose1964 · 21/08/2018 10:36

Mine are approximately 2 years apart , the eldest and middle get on really well, and the middle and youngest get on really well but the eldest and youngest used to fight like cat and dog. If they get along it's a lot easier if the age gap is smaller as they can play together..

Wishicouldsleep · 21/08/2018 10:49

2 years and 8 months is a fairly standard to large age gap, no?
I thought 2 years is the norm/ commonly thought of as ideal age gap.

I have 1 year 4 months. In hindsight I think our gap is a bit small, but not horrendous. I'd say 20 months is a good gap.

Your dd will nearly be 3 meaning she will qualify for 15 free hours at nursery. That will help you massively with a 4 month old baby Smile

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