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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD wear braces?

82 replies

AjasLipstick · 20/08/2018 07:22

We're in Australia but before we emigrated, we saw an NHS dentist who said DD, then aged almost 11, did qualify for an NHS brace as she has a quite noticeable overbite.

Anyway...she's now 14 and we went to see the orthodontist here...it's taken this long to get to the head of the queue to qualify for financial support for her braces.

Orthodontist has today explained what braces she'll need and for how long (just over a year) and she's come home fuming that she doesn't want them, she is perfectly fine with the way her teeth look etc.

She says we're all too obsessed with looks and it's shallow.

Hmm this from a kid who 6 months ago wouldn;t have a photo of herself smiling!

She's very image conscious and is always doing hair and makeup etc.

I think it's just nerves. She HAS grown into her teeth a lot this year but still has a little elfin like lower jaw and a pronounced overbite.

AIBU to insist? She'll get to 21 and tell me off for not making her! Then it will cost her thousands.

As it is, it's only costing us the equivelant of 500 pounds. That's a BIG discount here in Oz.

OP posts:
TheWonderfulCat · 20/08/2018 07:25

I think let the decision be hers. If shes happy with her teeth then what's the problem. She can always get braces later in life Smile

Greyhorses · 20/08/2018 07:25

I would insist. I had them and would choose them every time over horrible teeth for life!

Littlebluebird123 · 20/08/2018 07:26

Doesn't an over bite cause uneven wear of the teeth and some difficulties with chewing too?
She's probably adapted her earing habits but the correction will help her in that way.
It's not just about looks.

tomatosalt · 20/08/2018 07:26

I am amazed you are getting any financial support for her orthodontic work here. It’s a bit rubbish you didn’t just pay for it yourself when she was younger and less likely to be self conscious.
But I would absolutely insist she wear the brace, if not for cosmetic reasons but also because of the impact it will have on the longevity of her teeth.

Chrisinthemorning · 20/08/2018 07:27

14 is a normal age for ortho, a tad late but not excessively so.
Try hard to persuade her but don’t force her. The patient has to be on board with the process.

Lululemonade · 20/08/2018 07:28

No one wants a brace but it is much better to have it done as a child than an adult... and I say this as a teenager who didn’t wear her braces so had them done again as an adult and consequently I will have a permanent retainer for the rest of my life!

Timeisslippingaway · 20/08/2018 07:29

Tell her she will regret not getting them. I had braces twice for around 4 years in total, I hated them but I'm so glad my teeth were fixed as a child (Well 17 by the time they came off and I still had a retainer when I was pregnant with my first child) would have hated to have them as n adult.

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 20/08/2018 07:29

It’s a difficult one. I was offered heavy orthodontist work for my large overbite when I was a teen. I said no as I was worried I’d get teased at school- and I’ve spent the rest of my life with teeth that sit on my lip and I HATE them. I so wish I’d got them done.

TuckMyWin · 20/08/2018 07:30

It's not just cosmetic. I had braces of a sort as a teenager- but it wasn't done properly (rather than refer me to an orthodontist for fixed braces, my dentist, who was partly qualified I think, fitted me with a removable plate brace). As an adult, I kept biting the side of my tongue and developing awful mouth ulcers - honestly, I'd be crying in pain and unable to talk. I paid thousands to get them straightened. I think you should insist.

WellErrr · 20/08/2018 07:30

Make her.

I said EXACTLY the same at 12,13 and 14. My parents let me make my own mind up and it ended with me having the brace at 16/17 instead, which was much worse.

I wish my parents had just insisted when I was 12!

Fitzsimmons · 20/08/2018 07:30

I have an over bite. As a result I have a jaw condition that means I'm in permanent pain and have to wear a splint. Sometimes the pain is unbearable.

Please make her wear the braces. She doesn't want to end up like me.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 20/08/2018 07:30

The thing is they are a huge commitment and it would be hard to make her but I’d do what I did to try and convince her. Dd was the same and it was just nerves but she did a lot of mucking about before she got them done. What did help was a friend of mine who she loved and listens to who had refused braces as a teenager and Really regretted it and very much wished her mum had made her do it. Her teeth were bad and actually got worse. She couldn’t afford to pay for them and couldn’t apply for nhs funding because they weren’t bad enough to qualify as an adult.
She did eventually get them done at 30.

Dd has had hers for a year and will have another 6-12 months with them but she is very glad she got them and was delighted when she seen the change in her teeth which started happening straight away.

mumwhatnothing · 20/08/2018 07:32

I would insist. It is incredibly difficult and expensive to get good care here in Aus and if it is on offer, take it.

Ignore anyone who says you were rubbish for not doing it sooner. The cost and difficulties in Australia around healthcare is ridiculous and after emigrating I didn’t qualify for any assistance for years.

ZoeWashburne · 20/08/2018 07:32

I would insist that this isn't cosmetic. This will affect her dental health in the future (overbites are really bad for the jaw). She is also increased for grinding her teeth at night.

Let her know that this will cost her tens and tens of thousands to correct in the future.

This isn't plastic surgery and getting her a nose job- this is managing her health. Yes, some people just get braces for cosmetic reasons, but she isn't. The reason she is getting this for such a steep discount is because a doctor has said she needs to get this done. She can either do it for free now, or for tens and tens of thousands in the future because she is going to have to get this done at some point. Just like you would have her undergo treatment for scoliosis, she needs to get these to maintain her health.

Rebecca36 · 20/08/2018 07:33

You can't force her and I applaud your daughter's reasons for not wanting braces. However I wish I had had them.

HappyHedgehog247 · 20/08/2018 07:34

I refused. I then paid thousands (literally) as an adult and have to wear a retainer for the rest of my life. I don’t know what the answer is as the idea of forcing someone to have braces seems awful too, but I wish I had been persuaded into it.

N0bodysM0t · 20/08/2018 07:36

I wish my parents had made me.
Ask her if anti anciety medication would help.. it is scary going for fittings.

It is not just about being shallow tho. My bite was terrible and giving me problems.

AcrobaticCardigan · 20/08/2018 07:39

I didn’t get braces as a teenager & have spent thousands as an adult and have spent many years being self conscious about my teeth. Desperately wish I’d had them as a teenager.

N0bodysM0t · 20/08/2018 07:39

My perio confirms that my teeth are now less likely to fall out in old age! Tell her that. Less likely to habe more gum recession too.

I remember how scared i was tho. Please look in to anti anxiety tablets. Dentists can prescribe, and will do so in my country anyway.

N0bodysM0t · 20/08/2018 07:42

Just chiming in again here. 4k on braces and 2k gum graft.

All because my parents just shrugged when i jumped up out of chair and ran away. That was it. I got ONE chance to be brave.

Can you leave it a year though?
No harm to let her ponder it for a year?

tomatosalt · 20/08/2018 07:42

mumwhatnothing
But unlike the people who were born here you and OP had forewarning that dental care is almost exclusively privately funded and still chose to come here.
.

SlowlyLosingWeight · 20/08/2018 07:46

I refused as a child as I was scared of the dentist, she wasn't fussed anyway as I'd have had to have several teeth taken out first and she didn't want to put me through it.

Got it done myself in my 20s after years of insecurity. Cost best part of 2 fucking grand.

Make her.

P3onyPenny · 20/08/2018 07:47

I would insist.All 3 of mine have them on the NHS and I would give anything to have the money to get mine sorted.

Interestingly most reluctant child was really pleased with the results and is very diligent with wearing his retainer.

Movablefeast · 20/08/2018 07:48

The reason this is a perfect time to have braces is her jaw and facial bones are still growing through puberty and it is much easier to move teeth and change their position with braces. A year is actually a short time. If she waits until she is older it might be harder to correct an overbite (sometimes you need jaw surgery as an adult) and it can take a lot longer and be more costly.

My 17 yr old just said to me today she was so glad she had braces. She also had an overbite that was corrected and now her teeth are perfect and she is so confident and smiley.

In terms of health as previous posters have said, with a corrected bite and straight even teeth you are much less likely to have all kinds of problems in the future and much less gum disease.

At her age plenty of kids have braces, if she waits she will stand out much more. I think braces are the most straightforward way to vastly improve anyone's looks. Great teeth are always an asset and looked after properly will last a lifetime.

P3onyPenny · 20/08/2018 07:51

Mine are 14 1/2 and 13 1/2. Only just got them as orthodontist wanted all their adult teeeth. Were on the books for ages waiting. Sooooo many of their friends have them so I doubt you'd have had them much earlier as posters suggest.

I guess my dc are lucky as they have my teeth to scare them on as an alternative to braces.Grin

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