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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD wear braces?

82 replies

AjasLipstick · 20/08/2018 07:22

We're in Australia but before we emigrated, we saw an NHS dentist who said DD, then aged almost 11, did qualify for an NHS brace as she has a quite noticeable overbite.

Anyway...she's now 14 and we went to see the orthodontist here...it's taken this long to get to the head of the queue to qualify for financial support for her braces.

Orthodontist has today explained what braces she'll need and for how long (just over a year) and she's come home fuming that she doesn't want them, she is perfectly fine with the way her teeth look etc.

She says we're all too obsessed with looks and it's shallow.

Hmm this from a kid who 6 months ago wouldn;t have a photo of herself smiling!

She's very image conscious and is always doing hair and makeup etc.

I think it's just nerves. She HAS grown into her teeth a lot this year but still has a little elfin like lower jaw and a pronounced overbite.

AIBU to insist? She'll get to 21 and tell me off for not making her! Then it will cost her thousands.

As it is, it's only costing us the equivelant of 500 pounds. That's a BIG discount here in Oz.

OP posts:
nolongersurprised · 20/08/2018 07:58

Mine got hers done at 11, also in Australia. It’ll be 2 years all up. She is fairly sensitive and self-conscious and we told her it was up to her but booked it anyway Smile We just chipped away at it and as she noticed more and more kids getting them at school she was suddenly fine. Once she was used to them they’ve become a non event and her teeth and jaw are already looking so much better (she has a permanent expandable plate over her hard palate for the first year).

nolongersurprised · 20/08/2018 08:00

I should add re age that she had her growth spurt early and had all her adult teeth. We’d been under orthodontic surveillance for about 2 1/2 years prior.

strawberrisc · 20/08/2018 08:03

Oral care isn’t the same as vanity. I was forced to have extensive dental work at the same age. I’m incredibly thankful to my parents for it.

However, I generally did as I was told. If this was MY DD I couldn’t force her to do anything.

murphys · 20/08/2018 08:05

I would honestly encourage her to get them fitted. Dd has just has hers removed, and the difference in her self esteem is so very noticeable. Not just that, but overbites do cause long term problems, hence the reason for getting them done now before the issues start. She wasn't that keen to start with either, but she definitely doesn't regret having them put on.

We aren't in UK or Aus, and we had to pay out of our pocket. From a cost alone point of view, I would jump at the chance now.

stayhomeclub · 20/08/2018 08:09

I would try and make her. I was given the choice and didn’t, because I’d just got classes and didn’t want both glasses and braces in case I seemed uncool. Now I’m looking at a lifetime of awful crowded teeth as I can’t afford it as an adult.

SplishSplashSplosh · 20/08/2018 08:17

I was told I would need braces when I was a tween. My DM took me to the orthodontist and they went through the process of having the mould made.

I was quite scared at the prospect of having a couple of teeth removed because I didnt quite understand the procedure and imagined it would be very painful. At the last minute I said I didn't want to have the braces put in and it was left like that.

Now as an adult, I REALLY REALLY wish I had been talked into going through with it. Luckily, my teeth aren't too bad, and it's only really an overlapping tooth on the bottom jaw but I still wish I had been talked into having them.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 20/08/2018 08:19

It’s a bit rubbish you didn’t just pay for it yourself when she was younger Hmm

We couldn't afford it! FFS. Piddle off with your cocky comments.

Thank you to all the rest for your sound advice. I will tell her about the potential issues in the future.

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHippo · 20/08/2018 08:23

You can try. But remember she needs to wear retainers for years after the work is done. If she's not on board then she won't do that and her teeth will go back towards where they started.

GeorgeTheHippo · 20/08/2018 08:23

You can try. But remember she needs to wear retainers for years after the work is done. If she's not on board then she won't do that and her teeth will go back towards where they started.

MrsPartridgeStMarys · 20/08/2018 08:26

Make her. I constantly get complemented on how straight my teeth are and most women who do so ask me if I wore a brace. I did, at 12 for a couple of years. It was fine. Even my sister who floated that she didn’t need one now wishes she had teeth like me. She might hate you temporarily but she’ll spend her life thanking you as an adult xx

Metoodear · 20/08/2018 08:29

I am afraid you can’t make them

Had this with ds when he was 13he just pretend to wear them at night

He has a massive overbite and yellow teeth were he struggles to brush them

However this was explained over and over to him at the time he choose he’s gutted now but sometimes we make choices we regret he will have to pay thousands to get it corrected and teeth whited now

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 20/08/2018 08:29

I am shocked she's so adamant! I never expected that as she's never indicated she was against the idea and it's been up for discussion for some time now.

I think she's just worried about looking weird with the braces in...she's very image conscious and I think she's just got used to her teeth...which is a good thing! But the overbite IS pronounced. No denying it.

OP posts:
Original poster
AjasLipstick · 20/08/2018 08:30

Metoo I think I CAN make her....the retainer will be a different story though....I will have to really get her to understand that part of thinfs.

OP posts:
steff13 · 20/08/2018 08:51

Nether of my boys wanted braces. They both got them.

I would assume that if you qualify for financial support to get them, that they must be medically necessary not just cosmetic. Could the orthodontist perhaps explain to her the dangers of not having them done?

CherryPavlova · 20/08/2018 08:52

Poor teeth are a real class indicator and sadly people do judge. She might not be bothered now but will be later on.
I’d use all my persuasive powers to get her treated.

MrsFezziwig · 20/08/2018 08:57

Guess you just need to show her this thread!

Amicompletelyinsane · 20/08/2018 09:00

Make her if you can! I didn't want braces. Not at all. I got forced into it. Im so glad I did. My brother wasn't pushed into it and he's v conscious of his teeth now. I was rubbish at wearing the retainer, tbh my teeth moved ever so slightly but nothing that affects them and they still look hugely better than before

nuttyknitter · 20/08/2018 09:00

Definitely talk it through with her, show her this thread etc, but I really don't see how you can force her - physically drag her into the orthodontists chair? She's old enough to make a decision about her own body, even if she dies regret it in the future.

HoppingPavlova · 20/08/2018 09:01

Tell her it’s a medical necessity not a cosmetic one in her case. Show her stuff on the internet about the ramifications of the overbite when she is an adult.

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 20/08/2018 09:02

Yes she needs them done, my mum discouraged me from having them when I was 15 and I ended up paying 3k for them when I was 39 😡

LadyPenelope68 · 20/08/2018 09:09

I think I CAN make her
What are you going to do, hold her down and force them in her mouth? You can’t make her, you can try and convince her of the benefits but that’s all you can do.

Aragog · 20/08/2018 09:10

Dd had hers at 13 and she was really not happy after the first appointment, about how long, and about retainers for life. She cried. She was scared, nervous and upset. She didn't refuse but it was a shock to her about what it all actual entails.

We talked her through it. We gave her tune for the 'shock' to settle and then talked about the other reasons for having a brace. The oral care, the dental issues she'd have as an adult, difficulties of keeping teeth healthy if left, etc. We showed her some photographs of uncorrected teeth in adults where they'd struggled with the above.

Dd decided to go ahead herself though we'd have pushed for it. We did pay more - she qualified for nhs free treatment but we wanted out of school hour appointments so we're going to pay anyway. But we paid more for white ceramic braces which were less Noticeable.

In the end her actual brace treatment was completed in far less time than they'd predicted - about 13 months. She wears her retainers most nights. Initially it was every night. It's allowed to drop to 1-2 times a week apparently but Dd choses to wear hers whenever she's home or away with us but doesn't take them on sleepovers etc. She's 16 now and has beautiful teeth, and has none of the risks to her dental hygiene any longer.

KennDodd · 20/08/2018 09:11

I thought braces were quite trendy now? I often see people on tv or in magazines with them.

catsbeensickagain · 20/08/2018 09:14

Slightly off beat from the others. My mum did make me, and it sort of worked out but could have been much better. Can you let her calm down and then involve her in a rational discussion about it where her views are given air time?

I would start with discussing outcomes. Not all orthodontics ends in perfect teeth (mine did not, it is much better and fixed the bits that would cause future problems but it is not perfect). Discuss what she would find more and less traumatic, for example retainers that stopped me talking were much more traumatic than train tracks I could forget about. She might be worried about appearance, speech or pain all of which you can reassure on, but right now the outcome will feel to far away for her.

Try to avoid a battle, my mum dived straight in and was determined I would accept everything offered that she really upset me often suggesting that all sorts of horrid things like headgear braces were nothing to worry about. I would accept its not a nice process and let her know you know that.

Also reassure her around her age. Now is perfect and less likely to move again than having them earlier.

Avoid conversations about money- that will be her problem later if she doesn't agree but right now she can't relate.

Finally perhaps she really likes the face she has now? I have a cyst on my eyelid. After the battle of the teeth with my mum I stood firm and left it, 30 years on, still there, still part of me, what I expect to see in the mirror. We are all different and she may feel this is her face.

MaterialReality · 20/08/2018 09:21

Don't make her. I decided not to have a brace as a teenager, and I have a noticeable overbite, too. I'm happy with my teeth as an adult, and I know that if I ever decide that I'm not, I can pay for braces. The only effect on my dental health is that I need to be careful about seeing a hygienist regularly because crowding makes a few of my teeth more difficult to clean.

Braces are on for a long time and can be very unpleasant and uncomfortable even for people who want them and are happy to put up with it. They aren't something that anyone should be forced into. By all means advise her that you think she should, but insisting on it is wrong. It's her mouth, and it's a cosmetic procedure.