ExH and weed, conspiracy theory shit...

[PipeTheFuckDown]

Donning my hard hat for this one.

ExH and I split 7 years ago. We’ve always coparented well, he pays child support and extras, sees them regularly, takes them on holidays, and helped out last year with after school care when I attended college. We have a DD10 and a DD7.

However. In the last 18 months it’s all got a bit bizarre, and things weren’t quite adding up, but only in the last week have things been revealed that make it all slot into place.

It started off with Flat Earth. Then Anti Vaxx. Then lizard people and the Illuminati, big pharma shills, how I don’t need my medication (Major Depressive, CPTSD, clinically anxiety - I really fucking do need it) That Autism etc don’t exist (me and our second DD going through diagnosis at the moment; suspected Aspergers) Dont trust Doctors, only eat raw vegan food as that fixes everything. Turns off my Google Home when he’s here because they’re listening. There’s no space, we live under a dome. There’s more but this is just a brief idea.

At first I just laughed it off, but he’s started getting our DC to watch these videos on YouTube and is going on and on and on. At present the DC are rolling their eyes (I’m a Biology student so they just think Daddy is a bit thick and doesn’t understand basic Science) but obviously I’m seriously concerned about this now.

It’s also been revealed that he is smoking a lot of weed. Hes single, worked for the same company (and been promoted many times) for 20 years, stable income, stable life, so I’m baffled by this bizarre behaviour.

I’m not entirely sure what to do. My gut tells me that I have to stop contact due to his drug use and the fact that it’s damaging his mental health. We’ve never been to court as we’ve never needed to but I’m not sure how else to protect DC from this, or where I’d stand legally on it.

AIBU?!

Maybe talk to him about your concerns. Tell him that weed smokers are a cliche of correlation and causation gone mad and bad/lazy science.
Ask him if he really wants to be an addict and spout adolescent BS in front of the kids?
Maybe send him a link for MA (Marijuanna Anonymous) or some videos on the subject.
Most weed smokers are dullards with loooong anecdotes and short attention spans.
I too grew up with weed addicts and it really messed me up.
The edginess and inability to cope with the smallest of stressors without turning to weed meant that I never had coping strategies modelled to me and it took a stint in Overeaters anonymous and lots of psychotherapy and a stint with a Buddhist community to unpick the "gifts" of growing up with addicts.
He's stealing your children's childhoods because no doubt one or both of them are enabling/ being the adult for his sake to stay safe.
It's urgent that he gets himself sorted and takes responsibility for his silly behaviour.

Paranoid delusions probably not helped by the weed but also pretty harmless. Would be stressful if he was making life decisions for a family

Many years ago I had a bf who got through massive quantities of weed. Surprise, surprise, he was heavily into conspiracy theories and eventually developed cannabis psychosis, which is when I left.

My concern here would be psychosis from what you describe. My husband suffers with psychosis at times and I would certainly not feel safe leaving a child with him when he was unwell. (Although he's fab with kids when He is well) He would never deliberately harm them, but when psychotic his judgement is seriously impaired. If he is suffering psychosis then no ammoun t of reasoning or arguing is likely to change his views.

Psychosis is very closely linked to weed use although there are arguments as to whether the weed causes the psychosis or the weed is used to self medicate and relieve distressing symptoms. Certainly with my husband we know that weed, alcohol, stress and lack of sleep can trigger a relapse.

I would speak to his Dr about your concerns regarding the sudden changes in behaviour. In my experience it is very difficult to get help for someone who doesn't realise that there is a problem (most people don't when they are psychotic) and Drs are less likely to get involved when drugs are a factor unless someone ends up a danger to themselves or others.

My experience of a weed smoking parent is one that lies in bed all day till 1pm, leaving the children to fend for themselves, living in squalor with no food, and the rages when the money for weed ran out.

Obviously I don’t want a repeat of that for my own children, and it’s only recently I’ve discovered his habit, I said my gut reaction was to stop contact but I also know that could be traumatic and unnecessary depending on his useage. Combined with the other stuff too, it just worries me. A lot.

@NoLonger I had Post Natal Psychosis with my eldest child and you’re absolutely right with everything you said.

Sounds like my ex who in his weed induced psychosis started giving weed to our ds around age 10 or 11 (unbeknownst to me). Triggered bipolar in ds and now at 17 ds is a full blown drug addict. My biggest regret is not leaving sooner and not pushing for supervised contact sooner.

O pipe, its hard to manage. Clearly you see where its all heading. I dont know what you can do, its like being sucked up by the scientologists or any other cult. You might have a look at cult survivors organisations as its such a similar mindset, maybe they have techniques or advice for you. Its very scary when someones teetering on the edge and utterly resistant to reason. I have no advice other than to remain as calm as you can in his presence and as someone's already said, tell children people have different beliefs. Fingers crossed for you, I hope you have someone to help you.

Hmmm. I grew up with a father who smoked (still does) weed. Don't recall being left in any dangerous situations because of it. Personally, I don't smoke weed but don't have any major issues with those who do. I don't think it would bother me as much as a class a drug. I wouldn't necessarily want it being smoked around my children but I wouldn't stop contact for it. Fuck, you've got a parent who wants to parent and so long as he isn't damaging your kids, then it's in their best interests to see him.

Unfortunately I know too many people who believe a lot of the conspiracy theories you've mentioned. I don't agree with them but i wouldn't ban contact because of it.

You risk causing some serious upset for your kids if you stop them seeing their father (assuming they currently want to see him).

Perfectly clever and normal healthy people believe the anti-vaxx shit and that autism doesn't exist. I don't think it's a sign of deteriorating mental health.

I'd say it can be a sign of deteriorating mental health if it happens all of a sudden.

Oops posted too soon.

My DHs cousin started to believe some weird stuff them thought she was poisoned and wouldn't eat or sleep. Police was called and she tried to bite one.

She spent several weeds at a psychiatric unit. She was heavily taking weed and keeps relapsing and showing psychotic symptoms again.

If he's not having them in car seats/seatbelts he's putting them in danger so on that grounds I'd say YANBU.

As long as he doesn't smoke weed around your dc what's the problem
they can only be conspiracy theories btw if what you are arguing against has been proven to be true.
i think it's good to raise kids to not believe what they are told is reliable, to find the truth for themselves.
There's propaganda everywhere, you probably fall for it yourself.

I question everything, especially what the government and establishment tell me. It makes sense to. I'm also a vegan - it does cure a lot of things. I never, ever take drugs though, including alcohol.

Not everyone thinks the same as you.

I think you're a being a bit insulting to millions of people with your definition of 'crazy person' and you're also probably worrying about nothing.

Ss are very concerned by parents with regular weed use. It's a huge risk to the children whether they view the smoking or not.

IMO the not using car seats is a reason to stop contact. I wouldn't allow anyone to drive my children with no car seats and I imagine a judge would side with me.

The videos is really unreasonable. Why have they got to watch anything??

Family lawyer here. I have no idea what planet most of the above posters are on, but my guess is they’re justifying their own minor weed use.

You and your ex are the only people in the world who can keep your children safe (bar the authorities). If one of you starts acting unusual, the other has to step in.

Assuming that you have spoken to your ex about your concerns, and he is disregarding them to the detriment of your children, you are certainly able to refuse contact.

He uses a lot of weed, every day and most likely during the time he has your children.

He sleeps in the day when he is sole cater for them.

He enforces his views on them, and his views are not mainstream and are verging on radical. Where will they stop?

He doesn’t believe in car seats or vaccinations, or other things your children need to keep them safe.

No judge is going to permit contact unless and until he proves himself safe to care for the DC.

You don’t need legal representation, nor are you overreacting. His issues may not be caused by his misuse of illegal drugs, but each on their own are sufficiently serious enough for you to have concerns. You have a duty to promote contact. This is not the same as putting your children at risk.

When you're in a situation with your 2 children and their father is suffering from rapidly deteriorating mental stability possibly on the brink of a major psychotic episode you will be in a position to criticise OP. Until then perhaps those of you who are undisturbed by that prospect might consider your position.

OP I in no way meant to suggest that it's just about having different opinions, my partner has a friend who is deeply into various conspiracy theories (probably the same ones as your ex tbh) and I find it so difficult to be around him as he talks about things because he is just so wide of the mark (although frequently there is a grain of truth, which makes it even harder to actually reason with him). I meant more that it might not be considered a good reason by lawyers etc to cut contact unless there is some risk to the kids

Some people can get away with smoking week with no ill effects, others can't and I think if you have any suspicion of an emerging psychosis it would be worth getting SS involved. I know people may think that extreme, but I'm basing this on my experiences with DH. Psychosis is terrifying for all involved and I will do everything I can to prevent our DC ever witnessing a psychotic episode. DH is 100% in agreement with this approach as he has seen how much his illness has affected my MH and never wants our DC to see him unwell.

But now I see that an actual lawyer advises it is a reason to cut contact and I am very pleased to hear that

@NameChanger22 I totally agree.

Why wouldn't you question things? "it must be true because the government said..." 🤔 people have had cancer (stage 4) cured by cannabis oil. But yeah they haven't got the cure for cancer yet..

I have been there and I unfortunately followed the advice of the way too many people (including idiot therapist) who said "oh it's just a bit of weed" and "he's their father so you have to do anything to keep him in their lives" and "it's not that big a deal that he doesn't always have them wear seat belts in the car." That same "harmless" person also made the misjudgment of giving weed to a 10 year old who was already at high risk for bipolar (because of rare genetic disease) and fried his brain. My two children suffered for it and my ds will probably not survive the consequences. There is a huge difference between someone who smokes a little weed once in awhile and someone who is clearly exhibiting the onset of psychotic symptoms and neglecting basic care for his children. Please don't ignore the red flags and listen to Fettuccinecarbonara''s sound advice.

With regards to the conspiracy theory shite, one of my closest friends is the same and he doesn’t do drugs. He watches shit YouTube videos and takes them as gospel... I have heard those exact same conspiracies and some. I just shrug and laugh it off too.

The drug use would worry me far more. I know some will say it’s ‘just weed’ but it can be incredibly damaging to some people psychologically. I grew up with a cannabis addict and it made him extremely paranoid, he sometimes would think I was laughing at him when I was laughing at something on TV for example. He was violent as a result so I would be very, very careful with your DC.

Honestly I would be having strong words with him and if you still suspect he is smoking heavily after that, I would contact your solicitor for advice.

1. Quality of were is unregulated unlike prescription drugs.
2. Weed smokers do not get reassessed and their dosage calibrated

1. Weed smokers self medicate unsupervised. Legal prescriptions do.

1. Your DH does not appear to ha e any diagnosis so seems to be abusing weed.

1. Skunk can cause the symptoms of psychosis quite quickly and disappear quite quickly

1. When he is under the influence g Is judgement is impaired and that would impact his parents hg.

1. This is not responsible le beha hour of an adult. The odd use or bender, fair enough, but that sort of long term pattern is somethi g else.

I would be reviewing conditions of contact. I would feel concern a out his fitness. The same would go for alcohol.

Conflating anti vax (ie vaccine paradigm doubters) types with nutjobs who believe in lizard people MUCH?

Come on you'll have to do better than that.