ExH and weed, conspiracy theory shit...

[PipeTheFuckDown]

Donning my hard hat for this one.

ExH and I split 7 years ago. We’ve always coparented well, he pays child support and extras, sees them regularly, takes them on holidays, and helped out last year with after school care when I attended college. We have a DD10 and a DD7.

However. In the last 18 months it’s all got a bit bizarre, and things weren’t quite adding up, but only in the last week have things been revealed that make it all slot into place.

It started off with Flat Earth. Then Anti Vaxx. Then lizard people and the Illuminati, big pharma shills, how I don’t need my medication (Major Depressive, CPTSD, clinically anxiety - I really fucking do need it) That Autism etc don’t exist (me and our second DD going through diagnosis at the moment; suspected Aspergers) Dont trust Doctors, only eat raw vegan food as that fixes everything. Turns off my Google Home when he’s here because they’re listening. There’s no space, we live under a dome. There’s more but this is just a brief idea.

At first I just laughed it off, but he’s started getting our DC to watch these videos on YouTube and is going on and on and on. At present the DC are rolling their eyes (I’m a Biology student so they just think Daddy is a bit thick and doesn’t understand basic Science) but obviously I’m seriously concerned about this now.

It’s also been revealed that he is smoking a lot of weed. Hes single, worked for the same company (and been promoted many times) for 20 years, stable income, stable life, so I’m baffled by this bizarre behaviour.

I’m not entirely sure what to do. My gut tells me that I have to stop contact due to his drug use and the fact that it’s damaging his mental health. We’ve never been to court as we’ve never needed to but I’m not sure how else to protect DC from this, or where I’d stand legally on it.

AIBU?!

Loads of people (me Included) find all this stuff fascinating and I don't take drugs.
I wouldn't worry if he's smoking weed tbh I'd rather he did that than got pissed I certainly wouldn't consider it grounds to stop contact! Could you just talk to him about your concerns?

growup1 what about Muslims with autism? Or children that haven’t been vaccinated that have autism?

@araiwa I’m not weed bashing. I’m a Scientist, I know it has medical uses, particularly in epilepsy. But the shit grown on the streets and sold for recreation is totally different and bloody dangerous.

@growup1 What a vile thing to say.

Oh and OP, maybe not a reason to stop contact but ask him to stop showing the kids the videos. If the kids don’t like them just tell them it’s ok to tell Dad they’re not interested

If he smokes weed heavily during the week I would be surprised if he's not smoking it at some point during the weekends, unless he smokes tobacco as well and just sticks to that at the weekend. I've lived with a few heavy weed smokers and their habits ranged from only at the weekends to smoking it all day every day. It's certainly possible to be a regular user and have a normal work life and also to parent responsibly (eg. not driving under the influence etc) but like any drug use including alcohol it would depend on the pattern of use etc

I would be concerned about the conspiracy theory stuff though. It sounds like it is fairly recent (last 18 months) and if it is a significant change in his worldview or worsening rapidly I would be concerned about a mental health problem, possibly exacerbated by the weed smoking. I am not sure what you can do tbh as people who go for conspiracy theories tend to become more entrenched if you try to push back against it. I think I would certainly try to find out where I stood legally in terms of cutting contact but unless you think there is some risk to your kids, it's difficult to know what to suggest - people are entitled to form their own ideas about how the world works even if they're wrong!

growup1

If you have children and don’t vaccinate them, what if they then have autism?
Because this happens too.

Thanks MNHQ

@cinnarbarmoth it is a significant and rapid change he sends me some really disturbing stuff, there was someone he was meant to go and watch but it was cancelled (It was an Ex journalist. Can’t remember his name but it was all over the news.)

I’m aware it’s just an opinion but I think it’s dangerous to telling our D.C. they must never see a doctor and never take antibiotics or Calpol etc

Growup1
So it’s the government that gave DS Autism?
I should have known!
Sneaky Fuckers...

@MNHQ thanks from me too.

@raffle obvs as if you don’t know that DD is going through diagnosis at the moment and he isn’t helping - one minute Autism doesn’t exist the next it’s a vaccine injury, all of which he has said to her

PipeTheFuckDown Sorry for derailing!

@livinglavidal0ca that is sort of bollocky fuckery I have to deal with from ExH facepalm

Sorry I've no experience of drug use. Unless you know for sure he is doing anything in front of the kids or driving with it in his system etc it would be hard to argue contact needs to be stopped - at the moment, your suspicions may be right buy legally, that's all they are. You need some more evidence.

The conspiracy theory stuff I think you can do something about. I'd approach it like you would if both parents weré very different religions. Ie you have to accept you have different beliefs, agree either to not discuss it with the children until they are older, or say 'some people believe' before going into any detail etc. Fundamentally it will be confusing to rhem to hear one fact at home and alternative 'facts' at his house. I'd speak to him along those lines as the more you tell him you don't believe his version of events the more he will push them on everyone. I get how frustrating it must be! And arrange they're at your house any time they need vaccinating and avoid him every time they need a doctors appointment etc

You cannot just decide to stop contact because your ex smokes weed and is into conspiracy theories!!

The drug use is a concern and speaking to him and a solicitor would be a good way to go but you cannot stop contact due to drug use until you have legal advice.

The conspiracy theories are, in my opinion, ridiculous.....but if that is what he believes you cannot just decide that you are stopping all contact with his children because of it. You will just have to spend time educating your DC with alternate facts and hope they make their own educated opinion on conspiracy theories.

As for the argument of weed affecting him and your anxiety medication not affecting you, surely you can see how contrary you are being?

Both weed and anxiety meds are brain altering. Both will change how you interact with people, how you decision make, how you behave on a day to day basis etc.
Yes one is prescribed by a GP and I’m sure the fact you care for children has been taken into account but I cannot see how you can say your legal drug use is very much different to light/moderate cannabis use.

I would also say that it’s an unfortunate fact that if you stopped taking those drugs due to your various mental health issues then, in the nicest possible way, you may come across just as unbalanced as your ex is to your kids (obviously that is why your medication is so important)

You need to stand back and view this situation as unemotionally as you can.
It is a worry your ex is behaving in this way especially as it seems to be recent and escalating but you need proper legal advice before you go wading in with ‘you’re not seeing your kids, you’re mentally unstable, etc’ because he will just say all the things I have about your mental health issues, whether it’s fair or not.

What happens? To people who you have known for years and with whom you think you've shared broadly similar world view, no massive disagreements, then THIS. They have been radicalised by the loons of the far right, brainwashed by the constant stream of filth poured into the internet perpetrated by propagandists like Steve Bannin, Alex Jones, Tommy Robinson. All seeking fame via worship from the addle pated ignorant, disenfranchised men - mostly - who think they're finding great truths. Drugs dont help I guess but god almighty its terrifying how many people are being seduced into this cult.

It is entirely possible to smoke weed and still be an honest person, and a good parent. The same goes for drinking alcohol. As for marijuana being illegal - so is parking on double yellows, or watching a pirate DVD. The law is not always about what is safe or moral. It is legal to drink unlimited alcohol and smoke unlimited cigarettes in front of your children at home (not recommended, to be sure, but not illegal). It is also apparently still legal to shoot a Welshman inside the city walls of Chester on a Sunday so long as it is after midnight and you use a bow and arrow (hearsay - I am not a lawyer).
As for conspiracy theories, just because it is a CT doesn't mean it's not true. Just Google 'CTs that turned out to be true'.
I think what I am trying to say is that whilst you may have concerns, I don't think he has actually done anything truly dangerous. Your children are probably old enough that you can explain that their father has his own - possibly slightly skewed - view of the world, but that doesn't make him a bad person.
I would perhaps have a word with the ex and explain you view his behaviour in a similar way as if he were pushing a religion onto your children, and ask him to respect their right to decide for themselves.

Yes, what @meringue said 😁

@Bobby - I don’t think I’m being contrary at all - my medications don’t cause me to be considered too dangerous to drive, or render me incapable of looking after my DC. It is not even remotely the same thing - it is a treatment for an illness. They make a better parent, not a worse one. Illegal drugs are illegal for a reason and SS remove children from drug addicts for a reason. Not even close to the same thing. I’ve seen my sibling succumb to psychosis induced by weed (sober now) and the years before that were horrendous, I can see my Ex going down the same path, I can’t help but want to shield my DC from that.

I enjoy a good conspiracy theory but I’m not telling my kids and anyone that will listen that they are FACT, calling other people sheeple, telling them they need to be ‘woke’, encouraging my children to ignore Doctors, banging on about ‘unschooling’ and living off the grid It’s bloody scary.

@longwayoff That’s exactly it.

I find conspiracy theories fascinating, and I am a healthcare professional and loads of the people I work with believe that the government keep the population ill because we are overpopulated and because of the pharmaceutical companies making tons off treating symptoms not curing. It's not too hard to believe is it? Also I believe that processed meat does cause cancer, being as its been proven but I've been accused of believing a conspiracy theory when I've brought that up... Eek.
But yeah anyway, I'm a really good mum, and don't really see why you would stop contact because of this?
Didn't you say you're a biology student? And the kids think daddy's thick? And then you said you're a scientist? Aren't you really just a science student? My husband isn't academic but I would never let the children think he's thick..

His driving is horrific. I dont know how he’s not had a crash. He speeds and doesn’t realise, doesn’t pay attention to road signs, and don’t even get me started on car seats - we’ve had blazing rows about that as he doesn’t believe in them

Your children will grow up knowing they have a slightly eccentric, interesting father.

Unless he is putting them in danger I wouldn't worry. Know plenty like him by the way, they usually outgrow the conspiracy story phase.