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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

War caused by cheesecake

96 replies

NoelEdmondsbeard · 19/08/2018 13:05

Name changed for this.

I am a new mum and live in a block of flats in a city. I have struggled to meet other mums but by chance bumped into another mum in the lifts one day. We got talking and she invited me to meet other local mums and attend a few baby groups.This was wonderful and provided some good activities for me and 5 month old bubba.

But last month she got really cold towards me. Stopped inviting me to groups/get togethers, said she was too busy for a meet up and even blanked me once in our buildings reception. I was perplexed because we had had no argument.

Well I asked what I had done to a new mum (who has become a mutual friend) and she revealed that this friend was upset due to an incident that had occurred at our last mums get together. A buffet was laid out, we had all bought some food, and she had made some home made mini ginger cheesecakes in little ramekins. All the other mums were raving about these cheesecakes and she invited me to have one. I took one bite and it was horrible. I forced myself to take another bite but really could not stomach any more. All the other mums had gobbled theirs up, so I thought I could not leave mine uneaten. So I discreetly scooped it up in a napkin and put it in my pocket. Turned out the mum had seen me do this!

She told our mutual friend she had never been so offended and that I was very rude. Our mutual friend suggested I text an apology and give her a sorry gift as she was really upset. She apparently said she wanted a "big gesture" if she was ever going to be my friend again. She was also upset that she had introduced me to her friendship group yet I had been so snobby to refuse to eat her cheesecake.

I am very embarrassed that she saw me get rid of her cheesecake. But I could not eat it and did not mean to offend.

And part of me thinks she should just accept she makes mushy cheesecake and laugh it off. This is surely not worth ending a friendship over.

Is cheesecake such a big deal? AIBU?

OP posts:

mywheatbagismybff · 20/08/2018 04:05

She is very U for putting ginger in a cheescake should've been lemons.

Putting it in your pocket was weird though. Did it not go all mushy? Did it end up on your clothes?

BinkyandBunty · 20/08/2018 04:22

Bubba is overused by huns and loathed by everyone else in Australia just like it is in the UK.

As for the OP, the cheesecake woman is a drama llama who should be avoided. Possibly also the go-between friend.

Katedotness1963 · 20/08/2018 04:23

Sod her! All cheesecake sucks!! You’re allowed to not like things without someone acting up.

Thatsfuckingshit · 20/08/2018 04:51

Either she is very overly sensitive or this was the last straw for her.

She called you snobby over this? I can't help wonder if she found you snobby in general and this made her decide she was right.

BunsOfAnarchy · 20/08/2018 06:18

I love ginger but id never in a million years bake a ginger flavoured cheesecake to share with others as its very much a marmite type issue as someone else pointed out. Id always expect at least one person to dislike it. Its like banana. Love the fruit alone, makes me gag when its added to desserts/cake. My husbands idea of hell is coconut, and i can imagine him trying to kill a ginger cheesecake with fire . I dont get people who dont understand some flavours are just not for all!

Anyway that is beside the point. I can see where she would be a bit peeved as she saw you comedy scoop yours into your pocket. But to still not get over it...wtf?! Im wondering why the rest of the mums are buying into her ridiculously bizarre behaviour and havent just told her to grow the fuck up.

Id probably let this one fizzle out. I mean u could text her and say you didnt mean to offend but the ginger just didnt sit well with you and you dont wish your dislike of an acquired flavour to get in the way of friendship. But no more than that. She can sit in her ginger palace in a sulk for eternity.

Tink2007 · 20/08/2018 06:23

Just pop her a message saying sorry for offending and it wasn’t your intention. The flavouring of the cheesecake just wasn’t to your taste but you didn’t want to upset her by saying this which is why you put it in your pocket.

If she doesn’t accept it, tell her to bog off.

bumblingbovine49 · 20/08/2018 08:58

Why pocket the cheesecake? Just leave it on the plate and say nothing. If asked why you left it (most people don't do this), just say you are full or on a diet so just had a taste but wouldn't eat the whole thing, or that you are feeling a bit unwell/nauseous and can't face any more food. Just find some reason not to eat it that is polite and saves face for the person who made it.

bumblingbovine49 · 20/08/2018 09:00

Just realised she had put in ginger. I would have said I am sorry but I really don't like ginger.

TheParamedicWannaB · 20/08/2018 09:06

I just don't understand why you didn't make an excuse and just not eaten it? Say you're full, already eaten etc. There was no need to do what you did, imagine if you saw someone do that with something you've made? Not taking sides here, but still you didn't have to do that.

TheParamedicWannaB · 20/08/2018 09:07

SoupDragon · 20/08/2018 09:13

”Hi Gail, Jane told me I’d upset you at the meal last Tuesday. I’m really sorry. I panicked when I realised the cheesecake was too gingery for me and didn’t want to offend you- I realise now I’ve done the opposite! Everyone else loved them. Please accept my apologies. Hope to see you soon.”

Yes, send something like this.

SerenDippitty · 20/08/2018 09:24

actually think ginger is a completely bizarre choice of flavour when catering for a group. I would have gone with an reliable vanilla and maybe offered some sauces. Shes at fault. Ginger isnt a safe bet. She needs to improve her hosting skills. 😃

I made ginger shortbread for my work colleagues recently and it went down a storm.

periperimenopause · 20/08/2018 09:25

Is she a queen bee type in this group? With all the extended noise/complimenting of the cheesecake by the rest of them it sounds possible. In which case get the hell out of this group because
a) if you have pissed her off the rest will follow suit
b) who wants to be friends with people that can find so much discussion about a fucking cheesecake
c) who wants to be friends with people that find nothing wrong with one of their group being so mortally offended about someone not eating said cheesecake - and expecting a large gesture apology to make it right again.

While shoving it in your pocket was overkill (I understand you had a wee panic) this should be something that all could laugh about. In fact, when she saw it...who embarasses someone on first outing by telling them all behind your back? And noone pulled her up about being a bitch? That is a lot of cheesecake pride and prejudice right there

In short - they are a group of twats..lucky escape. Find a group of folk who only get biscuit arsed (or biscuit based) about real stuff

SerenDippitty · 20/08/2018 09:26

I think that I would have said it was very nice but I was too full to finish it. I wouldn’t have made it so obvious I thought it was shit.

MissusGeneHunt · 20/08/2018 09:39

Food in pocket = panic mode, desperate not to offend. Awkward, but there you are. Can't say I'd have managed better! Probably better than vomming over the table...

She wants a gesture??! Apart from the lovely note a PP suggested earlier, my gesture to that request would involve a swift two fingers in her general direction (in my head). CF!!!

Mumshotel · 20/08/2018 13:34

SerenDippitty
Did you check their pockets for evidence tho? You might be owed a significant gift.

HappydaysArehere · 20/08/2018 13:43

How old is she? Sounds about 6!

namechangedbcos · 20/08/2018 13:57

Cheesecakezilla!

OP thank your stars and get rid of this nutter. Big show of apology indeed!

SerenDippitty · 20/08/2018 13:59

SerenDippitty
Did you check their pockets for evidence tho? You might be owed a significant gift.

left it in the kitchen for people to help themselves. So no o e had to have any.

Drivemecrazy1974 · 20/08/2018 14:06

Personally, I would have thought it'd be ruder to leave the cheesecake on the side and tell her that you thought it wasn't very nice. You were actually being really diplomatic by taking it to dispense of later! She sounds a bit precious to be honest!

TSSDNCOP · 20/08/2018 14:17

Ginger is a funny word.

Misses point of thread.

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