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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

War caused by cheesecake

96 replies

NoelEdmondsbeard · 19/08/2018 13:05

Name changed for this.

I am a new mum and live in a block of flats in a city. I have struggled to meet other mums but by chance bumped into another mum in the lifts one day. We got talking and she invited me to meet other local mums and attend a few baby groups.This was wonderful and provided some good activities for me and 5 month old bubba.

But last month she got really cold towards me. Stopped inviting me to groups/get togethers, said she was too busy for a meet up and even blanked me once in our buildings reception. I was perplexed because we had had no argument.

Well I asked what I had done to a new mum (who has become a mutual friend) and she revealed that this friend was upset due to an incident that had occurred at our last mums get together. A buffet was laid out, we had all bought some food, and she had made some home made mini ginger cheesecakes in little ramekins. All the other mums were raving about these cheesecakes and she invited me to have one. I took one bite and it was horrible. I forced myself to take another bite but really could not stomach any more. All the other mums had gobbled theirs up, so I thought I could not leave mine uneaten. So I discreetly scooped it up in a napkin and put it in my pocket. Turned out the mum had seen me do this!

She told our mutual friend she had never been so offended and that I was very rude. Our mutual friend suggested I text an apology and give her a sorry gift as she was really upset. She apparently said she wanted a "big gesture" if she was ever going to be my friend again. She was also upset that she had introduced me to her friendship group yet I had been so snobby to refuse to eat her cheesecake.

I am very embarrassed that she saw me get rid of her cheesecake. But I could not eat it and did not mean to offend.Blush

And part of me thinks she should just accept she makes mushy cheesecake and laugh it off. This is surely not worth ending a friendship over.

Is cheesecake such a big deal? AIBU?

OP posts:
TheDairyQueen · 19/08/2018 14:40

This type of situation never ends well, food can destroy a relationship like few other things. If I don't like the look of something, I'll usually say I have an intolerance or that I'm recovering from a gastric ulcer and have been advised to refrain from certain things.

Ok, you could have managed the situation a bit better, but as for her getting stroppy and blanking you? Fuck her. Just because everyone else most likely stood there with a shit-eating grin, pandering to this woman's ego doesn't mean that you had to as well.

She sounds like a total fucking rocket. I'd steer well clear of that sort, I don't have time for the drama and getting sucked into the orbit of that kind of cray-cray.

RabbitsAreTasty · 19/08/2018 14:49

Why would it embarrass her that one person didn't like it when loads of other people loved it? That's crazy logic. You were definitely being weird. I suspect you are afraid of having contrary opinions to others, which is really what's going on here. Maybe this was a sign that she was bored of you not being willing to voice your own opinions, which makes it near impossible to become friends.

Nevertheless, she is being weirder in silently taking the hump rather than making gentle fun of you for doing something ridiculous.

You are clearly not compatible as friends so just drop it. Focus on other friendships.

claresheep · 19/08/2018 15:12

I also wonder as you thought it was disgusting, do you think they all felt obliged to rave over the cheesecake to appease this woman as "queen bee"?

fluffypudcats · 19/08/2018 15:21

Now I can't get the thought of marmite cheesecake out of my mind! I blame @mumsastudent! And what if, like me, you don't love it? What if you hate marmite but we're tricked into trying marmite cheesecake and actually love it. Do you love it AND hate it or what?! Meanwhile, despite hating marmite, I'm off to find twiglets!

Cardiganandcuppa · 19/08/2018 15:30

Oh PLEASE buy her a pony Grin

Or, you could send something along the lines of “Hi Gail, Jane told me I’d upset you at the meal last Tuesday. I’m really sorry. I panicked when I realised the cheesecake was too gingery for me and didn’t want to offend you- I realise now I’ve done the opposite! Everyone else loved them. Please accept my apologies. Hope to see you soon.”

DotForShort · 19/08/2018 16:10

Ginger cheesecake sounds lovely to me.

But a war caused by cheesecake? Hmm

IJustLostTheGame · 19/08/2018 16:21

Stand outside her house with a boombox playing In your Eyes.
That should be a big enough gesture.

(I am joking. Do not do this. Just ignore the silly twit)

Excited0803 · 19/08/2018 16:35

YABU because ginger cheesecake is lovely. I like the poetic response. Perhaps something like:

Sorry I didn't like the cheesecake of ginger,
What I like even less is a whinger.
I had a small taste and thought yuck,
So you want me to fuck off to the far side of fuck.
I won't apologise for your freakout,
My advice is grow up and just chill out.

BonnieLass5 · 19/08/2018 18:00

@theymademejoin I wouldn't be miffed if someone didn't like something I'd made. I agree, everyone likes different things. I'd just want them to tell me and be honest. You can tell someone you don't like something in a polite way. And if I'd made something that was really bad, I hope that my friends and I could all laugh about it, not hide the food in their pockets.

BonnieLass5 · 19/08/2018 18:01

By the way, I really want to try ginger cheescake now.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 19/08/2018 18:06

I'm wondering if marmite cheesecake could work... Hmm

DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 18:08

Sweet baby cheeses, you've had a lucky escape from this fecking nutter.

Big gesture? See if there are three useful billboards not in use just outside the town where you live...

PositivelyPERF · 19/08/2018 18:12

Send her this. 😁

War caused by cheesecake
Orangecake123 · 19/08/2018 18:25

Walk away now.

If there's all this drama over cheesecake, just imagine the bigger things.

Mumshotel · 19/08/2018 18:30

Send her a cheese cake iced with the words 'knob'. Then thabk your lucky stars she doesn't want you in her life. You've dodged a bullet there.

FASH84 · 19/08/2018 18:39

I think this depends how you handled it, if you were sat there pulling faces and trekking those around you it was disgusting, and you can't believe they like it and then spat it into a napkin, that's pretty rude. If you kept your opinions to yourself and tried to pocket it without anyone seeing, different matter. Can you just hedge your bets and say to her you really don't like ginger and as much as you liked her cheesecake in other ways, you tried to get past the ginger but couldn't. A little white lie will spare her feelings and smooth the drama in a friendship circle you otherwise seem to enjoy

Tistheseason17 · 19/08/2018 18:43

This is soooo funny.
I'd apologise.
It was odd for you to hide it - but still really funny!
If I'd seen you do it I'd have wet myself laughing, even if I'd made them! Nothing like watching embarrassed people trying to cover for awkward situations!

yerbutnobut · 19/08/2018 18:47

Well shes very easily offended and sounds like she is going to be hard work, I wouldn't be treading on eggshells for anybody.

Whenever I read threads like this on here I can not believe that there are grown ups like this! get over yourselves.

NaomiNagata · 19/08/2018 18:51

Why didn't you just say "I don't like ginger"?
That wouldn't be a judgement on her cheese cake; just a dislike of the flavour. It seems like you chose a bad way to deal with it and she caught you. Her reaction is OTT and she's a very silly woman for behaving like that but honestly, you've both been a bit silly.

Since she's not a close friend, I would simply tell her that you didn't like it but really didn't want to hurt her feelings so tried to discreetly dispose of it. You're sorry she's upset, but you think her reaction is ridiculous. Its a flavour you don't like and you should not be treated like this because of your tastebuds.

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2018 18:51

I'd send her a simple message.

"I now know you have ignored me because you saw me pocket the cheesecake. I don't like ginger - that's it!"

afreshnewname · 19/08/2018 18:55

So do you not like ginger? I read the first post as the cheesecake was horrible, not that you didn't actually like ginger

TheCakeCrusader · 19/08/2018 19:02

It all depends on whether you feel that you really want to clear things up with this friend. It was probably quite rude to try and dispose of the cheesecake in the way that you did in the first place and I can see why the friend might have been offended. However, her over reaction in blanking you is also ridiculous!

You didn’t like the cheesecake, fine it wasn’t to your taste but it doesn’t mean that others didn’t genuinely enjoy it.

Maybe just give an explanation that you hadn’t intended to offend her and that you’d like to clear the air- that is if you’re still interested in continuing the friendship. If her response is positive, then I’d like to think that this will just blow over. Otherwise, if she still expects a grovelling apology or some sort of grand gesture, then just move on, she’s not the friend for you.

Honeyroar · 19/08/2018 19:03

IF you really think you want to remain friends and involved with these crazy mares...

Id send her a card saying that you'd been embarrassed to say that you didn't like ginger, so you tried to pretend that you'd eaten it. Say that you'd enjoyed their company and never meant to upset anyone. (If they want any grander gestures than a truthful, little apology then they're definitely not worth getting any further involved with).

Mumshotel · 19/08/2018 22:22

I actually think ginger is a completely bizarre choice of flavour when catering for a group. I would have gone with an reliable vanilla and maybe offered some sauces. Shes at fault. Ginger isnt a safe bet. She needs to improve her hosting skills. 😃

Xxalisoncxx · 20/08/2018 03:09

The bubba comment, my Australian friends always use that term, maybe op is Australian? Ginger is one of my favorites actually- my kids loath it