to think she set a weekday wedding to avoid DC?

[Weddingproblems]

Firstly I know its her big day and her choice and I won't bring this up with her, but just wanted to let off a bit of steam really as I'm feeling a little hurt.

My cousin is getting married next October, she originally set a date in September on a Saturday (no invites at that point but told us all the dates), they have no DC and I'm not sure if they want to she has never really shown an urge too and doesn't seem very maternal (she would also need it to happen fairly soon as she is in late 30s). We grew up together and the family is very close, before she got engaged she had mentioned children and said she's not sure on having DC "running around everywhere" and prefers adult events.

She has now changed the date and sent invites, it is on a Friday. This now means I can't attend the wedding and I'm gutted. DC are 4 & 6 and I truly don't have anyone who could pick them up from school/have them for the evening and the wedding is a few hours away.

I'd expect this will be a problem with a lot of guests with DC/work and I'm wondering if she deliberatly chose a weekday for this reason? After all if you worked fridays you may be able to book it off but you couldn't do the same with school.

If it were a weekend and she had stated no children I would have been able to come as XH has the DC and I would have worked around her if they were welcome at reception/not at all. We aren't amicable and he works away during the week so him looking after them on a weekday is a no go, all of my family who normally help with childcare will be at the wedding.

The weekday isn't financially motivated as far as I can tell as her very very wealthy father is paying for it and can't see him insisting on a weekday.

[Guienne]

If they don't want children at the wedding it would have been perfectly normal and acceptable to make that clear in the invitations. I think you're looking for motivations that just aren't there and ignoring all the more obvious reasons for choosing a Friday.

[somewhereovertherain]

You’re just trying to find excuses not to go.

It’s easy plenty of weekday weddings and with 14 months notice it’s easy to sort as you tell the school, take it as unauthorised and book a days holiday.

If not don’t go. Simples. Stop over thinking it and remember it’s there wedding.

[Badcat666]

My brother got married a few years ago on a Saturday.

I had to travel to the venue the day before. Guess what!? I managed to arrange with my workplace to take the Friday and Monday off as I needed to travel to and from the venue.

So having a wedding on a Saturday doesn't mean no one will have to take the day off. A lot of people work on weekends as well and would need to take a day or two off if the wedding clashed with their shifts or take days off to travel to the venue.

[RachelAnneJ]

If it was about not having children at their wedding, they simply would have not invited children.

You and your children have been invited, either attend or don't. I don't see where the drama is.

We got married midweek, fully expecting some of our guests to decline the invitation as we knew it may be difficult for some. Every person we invited attended and everyone that had children took them out of school to attend as well.

[youngestisapsycho]

You’re making a fuss about nothing.... you’re all invited. Take the kids out of school for the day and just go!

[gamerwidow]

by setting a Friday in term time setting this date would weed out the majority of the children

This just isn't true. If you read most of the responses on here the majority would just take their kids out of school and go. It's only you putting up obstacles where there aren't any.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I got married on a Friday. It was the only date available for months and we didn't have a big wedding. Everybody came.

If a wedding is important enough for you to invited - and it's important enough for you attend it, you'll be there. People do have days off in the week.

[Momo27]

Ok - I’m getting way too invested in this thread against my better judgement!

Here is a list of possible actions for you:

1. request the day off school for your children
   
2. take the children out of school even if the school won’t authorise it (the school won’t take any action for one day)
   
3. talk to the children’s father and see if he can arrange time off work to do the school pick up (you say you don’t get on but you haven’t asked him yet)
   
4. organise childcare through an agency as a one off. There are babysitting agencies that will deal with children with additional needs. It may well end up cost-neutral to you because you’ll save on two hotel places
   
   Now, what barrier are you going to put up next?

[scrumplepaper]

Seriously, all this angst and your kids are invited. So take them. Go. Take them out of school and just go. If you get a fine suck it up. One day off is neither here nor there and it might even fall in half term week.

[AnnieAnoniMoose]

FMD - you have over a year to sort this out. Over a year to find someone you can trust to look after your DC OR to just take them with you. So what if the youngest tells their classmates? The world will not end.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

Are your children actually invited? If not you’ll need to respect that.
It’s totally their decision.

[GoblinSharts]

Hang on so their invite doesn’t even say the kids aren’t allowed?! Bloody hell yabu just request the kids have a day off school to attend the wedding! Most schools would allow this!

[FromNowOn]

It’s 14 months away, you don’t even need to mention it to school for another year!

[Leopoldstotch]

You do sound like very hard work I’m afraid. You also seem to refuse to accept YABVU. Oh and venetian please kindly piss off. It’s all good and we’ll to tell people to stop being “tight” and have their wedding on a Saturday when you’re not the one that’ll have to pay thousands extra. Entitled idiots like you are unbelievably jarring.

[Leopoldstotch]

And the wedding is over a year away. You have plenty of time to make arrangements. Stop moping and making this about you. This is a non issue

[OverByYer]

I’m really struggling to see your point here.
You’ve been invited, your kids have been invited.
Either go or don’t go.

It’s not about you. You’re really making a huge issue over nothing.

[serbska]

You seriously can’t sort out some child care between now and October??

[FromNowOn]

Is it not in half term? We took the DC out for a wedding and the school didn’t fine us. Either take them out, or don’t.

[fairgame84]

I'm not seeing the issue. Take them out of school for the day.
If they didn't want kids then it would say on the invite.

I work in a school where we are strict with attendance. It wouldn't be authorised but you wouldn't be fined. Loads of kids have odd days off for family events. Just because the school won't authorise it doesn't mean you can't go.

YABU.

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

You seem determined to believe the couple purposely didn’t want you there and this is some sort of plan devised to ensure you don’t attend

[HashTagLil]

OP, you are being given ideas and suggestions, but seem determined to act the martyr.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

Oh OP just do the bride and groom a massive favour and don't go. You obviously don't want to, but surprisingly it's not all about you.

[WrongKindOfFace]

You seriously can’t sort out some child care between now and October??

She’s already explained why she can’t - ex won’t help, family will be at the wedding, and a child with sn.

Just don’t go.

[PositiveVibez]

Omg. Not understanding the angst here. Either let the kids have the day off (no big deal in the grand scheme of things), or just go when they've finished school.

They have booked their wedding to suit them, not to make your life hard. It's THEIR wedding. It either fits in with you, or it doesn't.

[eeanne]

My friend had a Friday wedding for cost reasons. Her nieces and nephews were in the wedding. Family usually understand and find a way to sort it. Highly doubt it’s done to exclude yours.