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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

From the man who blamed Mumsnet for the end of his marriage

95 replies

thousandpapercranes · 17/08/2018 20:49

This literally doesn’t get any funnier, he’s listed every purchase that he’s made for me - actually for the family, over the last 8 years like he’s expecting me to reinburse him. Family car £xxxx. Holiday £xxx. Birthday present £xxx.

I wonder if someone can tell me what the going rate for using my uterus for 9 months is? Times that by two. Add to that breastfeeding for 14 months and 12 months respectively. And let’s add compensation for the flat lifeless little pancakes I’ve been left with and the irreversible damage to my nether regions. Day and night time nanny’s for when he wouldn’t wake with them. A housekeeper and cook.

Then we have years of supporting said man child who refused to partake in any aspect of child rearing or family management. But let’s not forget he paid for a cleaner for two hours each week. A cleaner that I sourced when I he’d refused to clean up after himself and sorting out his own ironing. I was thinking I’d send him an invoice of 100k for each year we were together. What do you think?

Please please give me hope that not all men are twats. Otherwise I may as well sew up my fanny for the rest of my days.

OP posts:
vampirethriller · 17/08/2018 21:35

I had an ex who wrote a letter to the police detailing all the money I owed him... He even wanted his half of the weekly takeaway back and the one time he paid for my taxi!! Grin
God knows what he thought the police would do. He sent me a copy with a note telling me to make sure I had the cash ready when the police called round. They didn't call round, funnily enough.

UpstartCrow · 17/08/2018 21:36

Omfg. I thought he'd just sent you a twatty email Grin
Perleeease promise you'll come back and tell everyone how the judge reacts!

HeckyPeck · 17/08/2018 21:37

I’d write a list back to him:

Being free of a stupid twat: priceless

recluse · 17/08/2018 21:38

During my divorce my stbx asked me if the “bitches” who had advised me had also “sat on their fat arses doing nothing”. Partly a reference to Mumsnet and partly to people I know in real life.

AngryAngryAngry

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 17/08/2018 21:39

OP you do know where all "his money etc" is stashed to & have copies of.? Wink

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 17/08/2018 21:41

He might get a wee shock ... www.goodfinancialcents.com/how-much-life-insurance-do-you-need-for-stay-at-home-mom-or-parent/

mansplain111 · 17/08/2018 21:41

Being free of a stupid twat: priceless

We have a winner

FiestaThenSiesta · 17/08/2018 21:46

“Still want to know why Mumsnet is to blame for the marriage ending! That sounds like wisdom we all need to hear.”

I can easily answer that one. Post your private shite on a public forum instead of having an adult conversation with your partner. Hope said partner doesn’t get to read about your marital issues on his iPad when Daily Mail picks it up and reprints your problems online .

thousandpapercranes · 17/08/2018 21:46

Like many who post on relationships, I posted on there when I had no one else to turn to. I couldn’t openly admit to myself or anyone else at that point that things had got as bad as they had. And each and every time I posted under various names the messge was the same.

I was unhappy. Depressed, isolated and felt trapped in a relationship with no real way out. STBX didn’t like me posting on here. Various controlling behaviours, which he refuse to acknowledge as being such. He dismissed issues and when I showed him threads he’d say “who are these f* people” “what do they know anyway” etc. In the end his position in court was that posters on here had a negative influence and made me focus on the negative aspects of the relationship.

The last two years have been awful process trying to divorce someone who a) wants to maintain control at all costs and b) refuses to acknowledge there was a problem.

Depression lifted soon after separation. I’m happy. Kids have adjusted just fine. And I’m relocating closer to family, after a long legal battle. I kick my younger self every single day for putting up with him. Life is good. Thank you MN.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 17/08/2018 21:46

Heck that is genius!

I hope that it does come back and bite his arse tbh. Purely because he had the audacity to write it!

And the good news is with that income you'll be entitled to a comfortable CMA payment to continue raising his kids.

I'm assuming he hasn't made any requests for visitation etc? Just financial?

bertielab · 17/08/2018 21:49

I can't say too much as I don't want to out myself. And paraphrasing and cutting short an entire day. In summary this happened.

My ex actually made the judge laugh 'at' him. It was embarrassing.
On my requirements I had put nothing but a 4 bedroom house for me and the children. That was it -my basic requirement out of the marital assets.
We had two houses -he had moved back into the other one (4 bedroom and I had stayed in the other house).

He wanted :

To keep the house he was in
For me to sell the house I was in and rent somewhere
For ME to buy him:
a NEW ADDITIONAL 4 bedroom house
In additional he had priced up for his current house
£20 000 to redecorate
£50 000 to landscape
£20 000 for children's toys
£50 K for new Merc
and so it went on.......... and on.........

Then it go to the knittygritty of page 19 of his 'requirements' and he had listed all MY animals that he wanted to buy.........
including 20 guppies and a fish tank with plants
6 chickens and a chicken coop
4 stables and 4 horses
6 rabbits
6 guinea pigs
4 dogs

and so on and 15 houseplants..... and on and on and on.........even how many teaspoons
he wanted millions and millions, whilst I just wanted the house I was in.

This was a man who had lied about money and emptied my bank account. He also claimed I contributed nothing whilst on maternity leave. (I earnt x5 his salary in the previous year).

I retained full custody of the children and he hadn't paid any maintenance for 18 months. He even suggested I should pay him a regular salary. Despite us both earning and me having the children 24/7.

It was hysterical -I mean really funny and unbelievable.
My barrister and solicitor said to me 'Say nothing, nothing in court, unless the judge asks you a question, don't laugh, don't do anything he will hang himself'

The first question from the judge was directed to his barrister and went along the lines of

'So Miss XXXX you are representing XXXX yes? ' 'Have you had him mentally examined?' She hung her head and said 'I have made an application that my client feels meets his needs' So said the judge 'That may well be, but it is your moral responsibility to tell him that there is no judge that is not going to give her the house, what she is asking for is nothing, if I was going to make a judgement (1st hearing not last) I would give her the lot -everything -both houses and every single guppy. ' At this point my solicitor put their head down and was trying not to laugh he carried on 'I am not going to carry on today, other than to tell you to take your client out of the room and talk to him -because this will NEVER ever happen -is that clear' -she hung her head. He went white as a sheet. He then turned to me and said 'I can not believe how reasonable you are being, and your efforts not to waste the court's time -however, I do think sadly that this will go to a final hearing. I really do think that your divorce must have been quite uplifting for you and wish you the best.'

I had full custody of the children and he had taken all my money and left me with nothing.

It did go to the final hearing. I did get everything and the house. He cost me and myself £100 K on legal fees. There were many more funny moments.........but it cost a lot and has taken me a few years to see the funny side.

There are so many more moments that my barrister and I laughed at with tears rolling down our cheeks -but I can't put them on here OP as they would be too outings. All 3 judges recommended he have counselling.

This is man who after years of divorce has asked me to go to 'counselling' with him - the lies are so unbelievable I don't trust him if he says it is raining. Yes, when he was in Spain -he told me he was in Australia and then when caught out with credit card receipts -says the bank must have made a mistake...........

OP You will one day wake up and roll over and have a huge smile on your face because you longer have to deal with a TWAT.

Suewiang · 17/08/2018 21:49

Any solicitor will argue and send anything if you pay them.

AdoraBell · 17/08/2018 21:50

Glad that you feel better now OP keep your chin up.

Oneboobbiggerthantheother · 17/08/2018 21:51

Oh no loooooooool Grin

My ex partly blamed MN over our break up.. "sitting on your phone getting told how shit I was from randoms on the internet!!!" Etc.. I didn't come on here for relationship advice as it happens it was more for advice with dd when I had pnd.

Paranoid much?? Arsehole.

thousandpapercranes · 17/08/2018 21:52

Fiesta it’s nothing that he doesn’t know already. Tbh I’m all for making the divorce process more open. It might persuade parties to behave in a reasonable manner, if they knew that the records were available for all to see.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 17/08/2018 21:52

'adult conversations with your partner' is all it takes to fix a shit marriage. Who knew.
Being assertive only works if the other person is also assertive.

imsoboredwithitall · 17/08/2018 21:52

This will go in your favour. Court will see what you are accustomed to. He's a TWAT!

MrGHardy · 17/08/2018 21:53

I pity your child.

He obviously doesn't put any value on it and hence the work you put in raising it.

MonaLisaSimpson · 17/08/2018 21:59

Do solicitors really not take their clients to one side and say "look, mate, you're making yourself look like a dick?"

thousandpapercranes · 17/08/2018 22:02

I pity your child.

They both deserve better.

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/08/2018 22:04

I would point out that in order to have a reasonable adult conversation both participants have to be thinking and behaving like reasonable adults. I'm happy for Fiesta that she has never had to communicate or negotiate with an unreasonable person, if a little surprised.

bertielab · 17/08/2018 22:05

Sadly they don't. They get paid whatever. His barrister said the most ridiculous things.

Jupiter9 · 17/08/2018 22:06

He's a mummy's boy then, what a sad individual 😂

ItLooksABitOff · 17/08/2018 22:06

OMMMMGGG

keep us updated OP.

OhtheHillsareAlive · 17/08/2018 22:07

ooooo OP you're getting rid of a good 'un there! Don't be selfish - pass him on - I'm sure there are many women who just neeeeeed a manly man like your ExH.

Flowers