I can't say too much as I don't want to out myself. And paraphrasing and cutting short an entire day. In summary this happened.
My ex actually made the judge laugh 'at' him. It was embarrassing.
On my requirements I had put nothing but a 4 bedroom house for me and the children. That was it -my basic requirement out of the marital assets.
We had two houses -he had moved back into the other one (4 bedroom and I had stayed in the other house).
He wanted :
To keep the house he was in
For me to sell the house I was in and rent somewhere
For ME to buy him:
a NEW ADDITIONAL 4 bedroom house
In additional he had priced up for his current house
£20 000 to redecorate
£50 000 to landscape
£20 000 for children's toys
£50 K for new Merc
and so it went on.......... and on.........
Then it go to the knittygritty of page 19 of his 'requirements' and he had listed all MY animals that he wanted to buy.........
including 20 guppies and a fish tank with plants
6 chickens and a chicken coop
4 stables and 4 horses
6 rabbits
6 guinea pigs
4 dogs
and so on and 15 houseplants..... and on and on and on.........even how many teaspoons
he wanted millions and millions, whilst I just wanted the house I was in.
This was a man who had lied about money and emptied my bank account. He also claimed I contributed nothing whilst on maternity leave. (I earnt x5 his salary in the previous year).
I retained full custody of the children and he hadn't paid any maintenance for 18 months. He even suggested I should pay him a regular salary. Despite us both earning and me having the children 24/7.
It was hysterical -I mean really funny and unbelievable.
My barrister and solicitor said to me 'Say nothing, nothing in court, unless the judge asks you a question, don't laugh, don't do anything he will hang himself'
The first question from the judge was directed to his barrister and went along the lines of
'So Miss XXXX you are representing XXXX yes? ' 'Have you had him mentally examined?' She hung her head and said 'I have made an application that my client feels meets his needs' So said the judge 'That may well be, but it is your moral responsibility to tell him that there is no judge that is not going to give her the house, what she is asking for is nothing, if I was going to make a judgement (1st hearing not last) I would give her the lot -everything -both houses and every single guppy. ' At this point my solicitor put their head down and was trying not to laugh he carried on 'I am not going to carry on today, other than to tell you to take your client out of the room and talk to him -because this will NEVER ever happen -is that clear' -she hung her head. He went white as a sheet. He then turned to me and said 'I can not believe how reasonable you are being, and your efforts not to waste the court's time -however, I do think sadly that this will go to a final hearing. I really do think that your divorce must have been quite uplifting for you and wish you the best.'
I had full custody of the children and he had taken all my money and left me with nothing.
It did go to the final hearing. I did get everything and the house. He cost me and myself £100 K on legal fees. There were many more funny moments.........but it cost a lot and has taken me a few years to see the funny side.
There are so many more moments that my barrister and I laughed at with tears rolling down our cheeks -but I can't put them on here OP as they would be too outings. All 3 judges recommended he have counselling.
This is man who after years of divorce has asked me to go to 'counselling' with him - the lies are so unbelievable I don't trust him if he says it is raining. Yes, when he was in Spain -he told me he was in Australia and then when caught out with credit card receipts -says the bank must have made a mistake...........
OP You will one day wake up and roll over and have a huge smile on your face because you longer have to deal with a TWAT.