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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dilemma, SAHM or back to work

77 replies

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:21

Ok, so I've been a SAHM for some time now and have done bits of volunteering in between.
I need something but trying to find a part time job that fits in with school hours etc is just too hard and the types of jobs are just not really for me.
I don't need to work, I'm very fortunate in that respect.
I don't however have any family around to help. Nobody.
Any childcare has to be paid for.
My eldest doesn't really want to go to after school clubs 3 times a week.
My youngest would be ok at nursery.
It just pulls at my heart strings cos I don't need to get a job.
What should I do?
I've volunteered but am not really finding anything that I enjoy enough. What if I get a job in something I've done before but it ends up not working out and I end up wishing I was there with my kids.
I just don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:

TheStoic · 17/08/2018 10:27

You’ve listed all the reasons why you shouldn’t get a job.

Are there any reasons why you should?

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:30

To find something for me again, to feel happier I guess?

OP posts:

Apehouse · 17/08/2018 10:30

What would you like to be doing five years from now?

needyourlovingtouch · 17/08/2018 10:30

What's the reason for having a job? You don't need one and can't find anything suitable! I wouldn't bother. When you say you don't need to work is that because you can pay the bills etc in one salary. I don't need to work, but we have a better lifestyle financially with me working but that's because my job makes 45k in salary and benefits.

TheStoic · 17/08/2018 10:35

To find something for me again, to feel happier I guess?

Then that’s all the reason you need. The rest is your ‘guilt’ talking.

You won’t walk straight in to the perfect job. Nobody does. Perhaps start with working more hours than you’d choose in a perfect world. Once you prove yourself, things can be more flexible.

emma6776 · 17/08/2018 10:36

I think it sets a really good example to kids to see both parents work, even if it’s just a few hours a week. It’s a nice way to make friends & your oldest would get used to Afterschool club pretty quickly. I don’t ‘need’ to work for financial reasons either but I choose to for the self respect, adult conversation, money in the pension pot etc. Work is about so much more than finances.

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:37

My dh is doing well financially as a partner in a well established firm. We have a joint account which I have access to.
Apehouse good question

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 17/08/2018 10:40

By 'you don't need to work' - what do you mean?

Do you have a husband with a huge salary? Have you huge savings from a job/inheritance? A huge windfall or sound investments?

Or do you have 'enough' or 'just enough' with each month?

For me the two are MASSIVELY different. I wouldn't personally choose to have just enough, and gamble my long term security by not working/struggling to get back into work, or to rely upon a large salary to support all of us.

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:41

I want to help people. I get job satisfaction from that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:42

Yes a huge salary. I also have some inheritance.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:43

We have investments too

OP posts:

lakehouse · 17/08/2018 10:47

Get a job. You'll regret it when your kids are at school and you've been out of work so long you've lost your confidence. And what a better role model for them if you're not sitting at home living off their father. Everyone needs something for themselves.

But stay away from 'bossbabe' mlm schemes! They're even worse than unemployment!

Alibaba87 · 17/08/2018 10:50

As others have said it takes time to find the right job for you, and hen the right company/business/service whatever. As stoic says once you’ve worked somewhere for a bit you could see if hours are more flexible. If you enjoy helping people are there any volunteering opportunities you could create for yourself? I’m hospitals/schools etc? An offer to run certain activities etc? I only say as a volunteer so you could have more flexibility and if you really aren’t too fussed on needing an income. What work did you do before the kids?

Namelesswonder · 17/08/2018 10:51

I don’t need to work for financial reasons but I always will. I want my daughters to see that woman can be professionals too, I want to retain my independence and earning ability in case anything happened to DH or we divorced. Also I like being seen as an intelligent professional. Plus I trained for many years to do my work, I don’t want to waste that.

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 10:54

I can assure you I am not sitting at home living off their father and I find that quite insulting tbh! We are a team and my contribution looking after my family and house is just as valuable.

OP posts:

Fatted · 17/08/2018 10:55

I've been in a similar position and I would say go back to work.

I've been working part time evenings around my kids. It's not a job I enjoy tremendously but it suits our lifestyle and factoring into childcare, we are financially better with me staying put. But I'm miserable, I've not got anything outside of being a mum and working. And now my kids are both going to school, I don't need to be home in the day. I'm going back full time. My kids will have to go to a childminder after school. Yes it will be hard for everyone to begin with but in the long run I believe everyone will be happier because I will be happier. Even my DH says happy mum is a happy family.

Sagelistener · 17/08/2018 10:55

I'd say keep looking for a part time job that you'd like... you have the luxury of being able to wait for a great one to come along. In the meantime work towards your dream job.

Think about what your dream job is.
Brush up on skills required for the job (studying, volunteering etc.)
Outfit yourself for said dream job 😁
Actively search for dream job

Barbie222 · 17/08/2018 10:55

Yes go for it now. Better for everyone. Resilience for your DCs. Occupation for you. And it's something you've got if he ever leaves.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/08/2018 10:59

Doesn’t sound like you want to find a job just yet. If you’re able to stay at home a bit longer- enjoy. Professions that help people won’t turn you away in years to come I’m sure.

Sagelistener · 17/08/2018 11:01

And I agree with OP... Staying home to look after your children and household is partnering with DH not living off of him. The stability and input you have put into your children's early years is commendable.

Chellysmuff · 17/08/2018 11:01

I’m was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I decided to study, so did an access course which lasted a year, and start my degree in a few weeks! So excited. By the time I’m finished the dc will be that little bit older and I can be more flexible with work obligations.

brummiesue · 17/08/2018 11:11

Im sorry but running a home and looking after a family are what working women do as well! Whilst also financially contributing to the family..... You are living off your DP, its not a critisism but you certainly have no right to be offended!

beachysandy81 · 17/08/2018 11:20

You have all the options. I probably wouldn't work in your position unless I loved the job. I would retrain in something I wanted to do and volunteer/get work experience in this area. Not needing a salary gives you a lot of freedom to get the career you really want so don't take a job you don't like just to say you are working.

PurpleTigerLove · 17/08/2018 11:24

Go back to work part time for your own sanity . I would never put myself in a position to rely totally on a man . What are you trained for ? What were your previous jobs before children ? That’s your starting point .

Original poster

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 17/08/2018 11:26

Brummie maybe it was the way you said it

OP posts:

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