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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh and neighbour’s front garden

100 replies

PeridotCricket · 17/08/2018 08:05

Our neighbours grass is knee high in their front garden. They haven’t cut it since they moved in months ago. They might be cultivating a wildlife garden in their small terraced front garden but I’m fairly sure they aren’t.

My view is whatever,, I struggle to care.

dH wants to offer them the use of our lawnmower.....to the neighbours we are on nodding terms with....

I suggested that was quite passive aggressive and he said ask mumsnet.

OP posts:

JAMMFYesPlease · 17/08/2018 19:24

Like User912 we were on the receiving end. I was pregnant and back and forth o the hospital with complications (healthy baby in the end but very stressful time) and partner was working around the clock because I couldn't. The neighbour loved his gardening and mentioned something about ours in a rude and passive aggressive way. When I was recovering from the difficult birth he said something to my DSis and she told him where to stick his comments and do it himself if it bothered him that much. He didn't.

It all had the opposite effect of what he likely wanted. Made us leave it until we moved out. We would have done it sooner had he not been so rude and passive aggressive.

Your husband doesn't know your neighbors story. What may look like laziness may be a health problem so don't do it.

PetraLost · 17/08/2018 19:57

OP, how is the MH of your DH?
As a home owner I have had six neighbours over 25 years. Two have been a problem.

One neighbour started up after ten years of little contact and no previous bad feeling, she suddenly started bullying me about a pretty average garden, she blamed me for her dog digging in her garden and all sorts of weird stuff, it turned out she developed MH issues because her children all moved out.

The other common issue with both neighbours is that they are control freaks who are all uptight, they are perfectionists who like sterility and the sort of person I normally avoid in life.

Neighbour two has nothing green its all paved and gravel front, side and back. They are very selfish people, anti social with music/party, barking dog, wild children, hit the children shout at them, this is all done inside and I am the only attached neighbour who can hear, outside they behave as if perfect and they are nice to others. They damage my property on purpose whilst they're property looks perfect and block drains too, only I am behind them in drainage.

They swore at me, came into my garden by lifting the fence panel and chopped my shrub, I caught them, the pair of them said they didn't like it and demanded to "sort out my garden" I told them where to go. I actually think they are like my previous neighbour - in need of MH support. I have anxiety and depression myself what these people have is something else - maybe intrusive thoughts/OCD that needs treatment, rather than bullying neighbours?

I would avoid you and your DH like the plague forever more if he said what he is planning to say - if I was your neighbour.

pinkpantherpink · 18/08/2018 17:40

He'd be welcome to tidy it for me. But don't offer to loan me a mower....

pinkstripeycat · 18/08/2018 17:41

We have a really bad driveway (as can’t afford to get it done) and weeds grow along each side. We have a small fence in between us and next door neighbour. The last time I pulled up all the weeds neighbour said “about time. That was a mess. I hated it.” glaring at me. I was quite annoyed so now leave it until it’s really long and waving at him above the 2 ft fence before i do anything about it. I don’t like it either but it grows so fast and it doesn’t affect our lives

Bekstar · 18/08/2018 20:37

He could always just say he knows a lad who does grass cutting cheap in the area and then name a ridiculous price and see if they take a hint. Or offer to do it for them for an extortion isn't price

ellaoldie · 18/08/2018 20:59

I used to do my neighbour's front garden. Grass cutting, planted flowers, the lot. But I love gardening and eventually thought of her garden as my own additional plot. Since i moved out it's gone back to being a field of weeds as the couple who bought my flat only do their own side.

NoLightInTheTunnel · 18/08/2018 21:47

The grass in my NDN's garden (we live in flats) has only been cut once in the two years I've lived here, and not for well over a year now. There are weeds in there that are taller than me!

To me, it's an eyesore that affects the image of the whole complex, and as much as I've been tempted to say something to her, I won't. I do mention very loudly in a whisper to my kids about the state of her garden quite often occasionally. And she has a fit & healthy 18-year old son living with her. Funny thing is - there is a lawnmower and strimmer rusting in the garden.

ShumpaLumpa · 18/08/2018 22:01

Our lawnmower conked out this summer and we grew a meadow. Twas beautiful, never saw so many bees and butterflies in my life. I was upset when the gardener razed everything.

ShumpaLumpa · 18/08/2018 22:02

(By gardener I mean the local handyman, not my own personal gardener).

StoneofDestiny · 18/08/2018 22:54

OK - back to OP's original post.
Neighbours garden is knee high uncut grass - ie an eyesore, to all the neighbourhood.
Husband offers tools to do the job I.e. make it tidy.
It's a small terraced garden ~ it would take minutes to tidy up!
Can't see a problem.
Cannot comprehend why anybody would buy or rent a property with a garden and not maintain it!
Nothing wrong with wanting to keep a neighbourhood neat, tidy and cared for.
I'd rather live next to 10 versions of your DH, than 10 versions of neighbours who don't care for what the nieghbourhoood looks like!

cheval · 19/08/2018 00:15

I’m next door to a rented house. Tenants have let garden go wild with ivy and all sorts of weeds. My garden is suffering because of it. Landlord doesn’t give a crap.

forzaH · 19/08/2018 03:57

It's cowardly. Offering to cut it for them as it looks like a mess is fine though.

placemats · 19/08/2018 11:03

To be honest, given the heatwave we have had in the UK, my garden was last mowed the last week of May.

I may have to get the mower out next week.

Jux · 19/08/2018 13:10

At the next opportunity to nod at them, I would stop them and tell them how lovely their wildlife garden is. They will either say they haven't got a mower or something, or tell you their plans for the garden's development - wild flowers, bulbs, bee hive etc.

MeyMary · 19/08/2018 13:23

Offering the use of the lawn mower is imo rude. If they wanted (or could...) cut it they would have.

They don't want to cut it. => They might feel his suggestion was an insult..
They would like to cut it but can't... => your DH may like a sore subject. They may feel like they just have to cut the grass because it obviously disturbs you so much.... Might also lead to resentment etc.

Which is why your DH should either say nothing (imo definitely the safest option) or offer to actually clean up their lawn...

MeyMary · 19/08/2018 13:25

I like this idea. But only if the OP's DH would be willing to do their lawn... Making them feel bad about it when it's a case of being unable to do it would be very unfortunate.

If it's a case of now having a mower - which btw isn't needed anyway...- (or some awkward mumbling...) your DH could offer to do their lawn.

Bluelonerose · 19/08/2018 13:30

I have this weird thing where the grass doesn't need cutting but I have knee high weeds all over it

Yes it looks an eye sore but it just rips the grass up if i don't wait.

corythatwas · 19/08/2018 13:34

--If it's ok to comment on your neighbour's long grass, is it equally ok to comment on them covering the whole garden with decking or paving slabs? (very, very bad for the environment, no place for bees and butterflies, prevents water from entering the earth= adding to water shortage?) Would it be ok for me to knock on next-door's garden and say "I could bring some mates and have that up for you in no time?" If not, why not? Seeing that the grass does not affect other people and the decking definitely does.

popocatepetals · 19/08/2018 13:36

The new neighbours might not have their own lawnmower and haven't currently got the budget to stretch to one. What about their back garden - do they have a lawn at the back that they are cutting?

If they haven't got a lawnmower, they might be pleased to be able to borrow one, or for your dh to offer to cut it. I'd ask kindly if the opportunity presents itself.

Icanttakemuchmore · 19/08/2018 13:43

I think it'd ruin the lawn mower unless it was trimmed down first so probably not a good idea for many reason to lend it. You'd end up falling out if it buggered the mower up.

pouraglasshalffull · 19/08/2018 13:45

Unless it's affecting your life, its up to them how high they let their grass get.

If they look like they are incapable of cutting it i.e old age, disability etc then offer to do it for them, otherwise just leave it. It shouldn't affect your life

CombineBananaFister · 19/08/2018 14:12

I don't think it has to be passive aggressive if it's done nicely, instead of your DH being annoyed by it he could see it as an opportunity to say hi to your neighbours.
Just a "hi I'm cutting my garden and would be happy to do yours if you'd like? No worries or owt if you don't, just trying to be neighbourly honestly not being an arsehole"
Maybe I just live in a friendly/straightforward part of the country but I don't think it would be taken the wrong way up here and it's something we'd do to help each other out on the street. Equally, neighbour replying "nah, mate, am good, we'll get round to it" wouldn't cause an issue either. Suppose it's how it's done/intended.

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2018 15:21

My friends neighbour said this once to her.

Her reply was "no Thankyou but of it bothers you that much feel free to cut it yourself".

QuoadUltra · 19/08/2018 15:31

YANBU your DH should mind his own business. How extraordinary that anyone should imagine they are entitled to someone else’s environment like that.

If any interfering busybody ever considered speaking to me about my lawn they could expect my views on them, and their appearance/car/parenting/choice of pet [insert as relevant].

Starleaf · 20/08/2018 10:02

A few years ago I lived in a top floor (3 high) one bed flat. After a couple of months the elderly man that lived in the flat beneath knocked at my door. He very kindly offered me some veg from his allotment, which I excepted with a thank you. He then produced an oil can asking me if I could oil my doors as he could hear them creaking from downstairs. I found it funny at the time, and it still makes me smile when I think of it.

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