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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh and neighbour’s front garden

100 replies

PeridotCricket · 17/08/2018 08:05

Our neighbours grass is knee high in their front garden. They haven’t cut it since they moved in months ago. They might be cultivating a wildlife garden in their small terraced front garden but I’m fairly sure they aren’t.

My view is whatever,, I struggle to care.

dH wants to offer them the use of our lawnmower.....to the neighbours we are on nodding terms with....

I suggested that was quite passive aggressive and he said ask mumsnet.

OP posts:

Excited0803 · 17/08/2018 10:01

Our front garden is a mess. I apologised to the neighbour's daughter when I saw her delicately trying to trim an encroaching bush from our side, said she could hack off as much as she liked on that or anything else in our garden and that we would be taking that manky bush down. We have taken it down since in sheer embarrassment, but there are still a ton of other weeds and plants needing dead-heading. Offering a mower is passive aggressive, but saying to me politely "would you like us to weed your front at the same time as it's no extra trouble" would get a big fat "yes please" plus offers of tea, biscuits, bottle of wine, whatever! Not everybody is precious, they might just not have much time.

placemats · 17/08/2018 10:04

Silver You could sow night scented stock beneath the buddleia either on the soil or in pots. They do need a sunny spot though. The scent at night is delicious and your neighbours will love it.

www.bbc.co.uk/gardening/plants/plant_finder/plant_pages/536.shtml

www.rhs.org.uk/Plants/140124/Matthiola-longipetala-subsp-bicornis/Details

Jupiter9 · 17/08/2018 10:07

They will have an old settee and mattress on there next.

Rascallsall · 17/08/2018 10:35

I'm amazed by these replies. I would just knock and ask if they would be happy if we tidied up their front garden for them whilst we did ours (assuming it is fairly small and wouldn't take very long). I would hate to live next door to a neglected garden. They may well be renting or can't manage it themselves for whatever reason and would appreciate the help. Around here it would just be a neighbourly thing to do.

We have actually just helped a daughter who has moved into a rented London garden flat. She is not responsible for the front garden which was knee height and full of rubbish and was told it belonged to the upstairs flat. She knocked and spoke to the upstairs tenant on the day she moved in, who said he was not responsible for it (he or his landlord are). He was delighted when my husband and I cleared it. It needs more TLC then we can give it as it has been neglected for so long but does look 100% better. We are fully prepared to tidy it up each time we visit (it does help that my husband runs a landscape gardening business )

MirriVan · 17/08/2018 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AjasLipstick · 17/08/2018 11:41

Rascall oh yes....of course. Renters never mow their lawns.

Rascallsall · 17/08/2018 12:00

Sorry Ajas I didn't mean that to a sweeping statement. I have 3 daughter's who rent who take great pride in their rented homes as I am sure the majority of tenants do. It is just my experience that neglected gardens have been in rented properties where the tenant hasn't felt sufficiently invested in the property to spend their spare time gardening.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/08/2018 12:12

I do naff all in my garden.
My front drive/garden has some seriously overgrowing stuff.
I just get a gardener in at the end of summer and get it all cut back.
However, my neighbours often just cut back the stuff they don't like overgrowing their side and I fully appreciate it.
They always ask and I always say 'hell yeah'
They don't just do their side, they come over and cut all my side too.
They are lovely and always helpful and their property is spotless - always!

theunsure · 17/08/2018 12:16

I think it depends on the relationship you have with your neighbour.

DM loves a neat lawn (and hates weeds) and her neighbour works full time, young kids etc. DM is retired, they are on good terms so she often mows them both. Neighbour is very appreciative.
It doesn’t have to be PA-it depends how it is done.
Agree though that if they want it left, its their garden, their choice!

SoupDragon · 17/08/2018 12:21

To me, offering to cut the grass is just way nicer than going round and saying 'your lawn is an eyesore, please do something about it'.

But the person really is saying “your lawn is an eyesore”

It’s not a genuine offer of help, it’s done because they think it looks shit and that’s what makes it PA to me.

AngelsAckiz · 17/08/2018 12:26

Years ago, my neighbour's front privet was massively overgrown so one day while I was trimming mine, I cut theirs too.
When they came home, I asked if it was ok and they laughed and said thank you very much! They had both been so busy that they hadn't got round to it.

Took a bit of a risk but ultimately, it was overgrown and it was a big job that I did for them out of the kindness of my heart lol.

You could have a laugh and a joke with them next time you see them and say "hey I'll be mowing my lawn this weekend, don't mind doing yours if you like! Moving house is so stressful isn't it? How are you settling in? " etc etc.

Just make a big friendly joke out of it. I imagine they will be very pleased. I can't imagine how being a good neighbour is passive aggressive.

My new neighbour offered me the use of her strimmer because I no longer have gardening tools after years of having no garden. Now I have and tall grass is getting very tall! I was very grateful!

Oldraver · 17/08/2018 12:39

Some neighbours are just busybodies hung up and having cut to within an inch of it's life boring grass.

We have been renovating our front and it's turning out to be a long business, not helped by both of us having back issues. We had got as far as having the dead trees removed, having 4 tons of soil delivered taking up the path before the winter and bad backs kicked in.

One day a box of grass seed appeared on the remnants of the path

MirriVan · 17/08/2018 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TemptressofWaikiki · 17/08/2018 12:42

YANBU! Your DH sounds a bit of an interfering dick.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 17/08/2018 12:48

I wonder if DH is worried that NDs garden is causing OPs house to drop in value?

Purpleartichoke · 17/08/2018 13:46

Extremely tall grass invites vermin.

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 14:01

In my experience it tends to be well-to-do retirees who do this the most, especially when young families move in near them and obviously will not have the same kind of regimented gardens they have because they haven't got 8 hours a day to spend thinking about it and inventing fucking problems to occupy their time with.

Tell him he's being a silly cart and to keep his nose out.

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 14:01

*fart

FishesaPlenty · 17/08/2018 14:06

He's welcome to come and cut my grass and hedges, clean my windows and plaster my lounge if he's short of something to do. I won't deem it as passive aggressive at all.

Would I be a CF if I posted a note saying that through all my neighbours' doors, just in case they were wondering if they should offer?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 17/08/2018 14:07

I would much prefer a straightforward ‘I’m doing my front garden - would you like me to do yours while I’m at it?’ Neighbour can accept or decline - and if they decline and never do it then you know they never have any intention to.

It wouldn’t bother me though. Rubbish would, overgrown not so much.

Original poster

PeridotCricket · 17/08/2018 14:19

I wish he was a well to do retiree. He is being interfering and he knows it - well he wants to interfere.

If he offered to do it it wouldn't be in a spirit of helpfulness! They have a couple of young kids and other priorities. Nice enough couple, keep their back garden tidy. As I said, I can't get excited about the state of their grass.

I see it as a worry sign of things to come in retirement from DH, I think he may turn into the kind of person who starts up a neighbourhood watch scheme.

I'm starting to think we need to get a dog to give him something else to think about and distract him...

OP posts:

Womaningreen · 17/08/2018 14:23

lol, I don't think there's anything wrong with a neighbourhood watch scheme to prevent crime.

but "offering" to cut the lawn, yes, that's just passive aggressive interfering. Sounds as if it they like it the way it is.

GummyGoddess · 17/08/2018 14:23

My old neighbours used to do my garden if they thought it looked untidy and they were doing their (almost every other day, they love their garden). I never minded and they were so nice about it that I wasn't ever offended.

If your husband is hell bent on doing it then can he not offer and say that it's more efficient to take all the grass to the tip/compost it so can he do theirs?

CloudCaptain · 17/08/2018 14:33

He can come and do mine. It's currently a wildlife garden with no wildlife. With 2 young dc and no family nearby we just don't have time to cut the front hedge. I managed with 1 dc when he napped but it's too big for me now. I can do the back garden because they just play around me. But can't do the front because they run off into the road.

User912 · 17/08/2018 19:10

I've been on the receiving end of this & it wasn't very nice. I was suffering severe MH problems and struggling to leave my front door. My partner was working all the hours god sent to keep us afloat whilst I was ill. I cleaned within an inch of my life inside the house, but just couldn't make it outside at my worst.

Our neighbour (yes a retiree who cut their grass at least once a week) offered to do ours - we were initially grateful as we had no lawn mower and couldn't afford one, we got them a wee something as thank you.

However, from then on in this neighbour became an absolute nightmare with it. As I started to be able to venture outside, whenever I left my front door said neighbour would jump on me and offer to lend me their mower. It became very insistent even when I said 'we're busy today and have other things to do' - it just wouldn't stop there.

This then in turn became an offer for the number of a window cleaner etc.. our windows weren't horrid by any stretch, but definitely not pristine. Knocks on the door shouting at us to "cut our fucking grass" etc.

Now I'm better I work full time, overtime, lates, weekends and to be honest, whilst I appreciate some people really enjoy gardening and some find it a hobby, I have other hobbies, go the gym etc. I'm very busy and just don't have the time to worry incessantly about a garden - my interests are elsewhere. We do mow it, but we're certainly not out there cutting it weekly.

Your partner doesn't know their story - best to just keep out. Although we were initially grateful for what seemed an offer of help - we quickly realised it wasn't and was very much a hint - and if anyone offered us again I'm afraid due to past experience we'd very much take it as passive aggressive - perhaps unfairly. The amount of obsessing and fury this neighbour got from our garden made her seem unhinged - simply too much time on her hands and needed another hobby ontop of their garden. Best leaving well alone tbh.

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