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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To either scream or angry cry at husband..

65 replies

Hidinginthelootoo · 16/08/2018 17:40

I'm so fed up with husband attitude. We have two children, a four year old and a one year old. Love them to bits but hard work. Four year old is currently going through a very trying stage. He works hard but is home by four and occasionally works a few hours at the weekend.. apparently I shouldn't complain about being tired when he gets home as I have it easy compared to most!! We do have car for me to get out and about with but not much money. I am with two children every day all day so when he gets home from work sometimes I would like more than a lecture about what an easy life I have and what a hard one he has as he only has every evening and most weekends off... currently sitting here with frustrated tears after throwing my dinner in the bin as I just feel so fed up/angry...

OP posts:
apriljune12 · 16/08/2018 17:43

he gets home at 4

Lucky bastard.

Op as he walks in you walk out and say you are off for an evening out. Leave him to sort out dinner bath and bed.

Cheeky fecker

monkeysox · 16/08/2018 17:45

You leave the house at 4.30 you need a break too

OwlinaTree · 16/08/2018 17:46

Go back to work. All the wife work spilt between you then.

Original poster
Hidinginthelootoo · 16/08/2018 17:55

I have no real qualifications as the job I was in you need to retest every couple of years else you lose your licence. I stopped doing it with the first, the only job I could get would be something like a call centre.. it's just the shitty attitude some days as though you have to paint a smile on your face when you feel like breaking and should be grateful. I'd understand if I sent them both to nursery and scanned about but I effectively work from 7am til 7pm 365 days a year... he never for a out on his own with them so I never even have time to sit down (with two boys that is not an exaggeration!).. sorry I'm sure some would agree with my husband and I am aware that being a stay at home mum is a dream for some but that doesnt mean you should br treated like crap anf expected to do everythjng without thanks or recognition.

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 16/08/2018 18:03

When he next has a weeks AL arrange to be out all day every day for his working hours leaving the kids with him. Then swan in complaining you're tired and moan he's had the easy day.

partdeux · 16/08/2018 18:04

You are definitely not BU!
Actually HE has it easy, who finishes work at 4pm!!??
I'm a SAHM with 2 boys, 5 & 3, so a bit easier (most of the time) and my DH hardly ever gets home before 11pm, leaves about 8am, so I really do everything at home and don't have any expectations for him to share the housework. I don't really have time to myself much but I consider myself having the easier life compared to my DH, BUT if he came home at 4pm it would totally change the game!

PotteringAlong · 16/08/2018 18:05

Can you get re-licensed?

BobbleHat102 · 16/08/2018 18:08

You definitely need to find a reason to just go out and leave him with the bairns all day, at least a couple of days to make the point...invent an excuse if you have to. Just do it!!!

InDubiousBattle · 16/08/2018 18:14

YANBU. He thinks what you do is easy and doesn't respect you. He won't change. He just won't.

Original poster
Hidinginthelootoo · 16/08/2018 18:14

Wow partdeux! You really do have it full on... as I'm such a twat I do all the housework/cooking/paperwork too..so I rarely stop before 9pm, whilst he cracks himself a beer at 7pm... what phrases can i use to show him that being a sahm isn't the easy life all the time and that to be taken for granted is upsetting?

OP posts:
Topsyshair · 16/08/2018 18:15

Oh op, being at home all day with small children can be so trying.

Does he do anything when he gets home?

My dc are getting older and a lot easier now but when they were younger I had some hellish days, dh would come in and if I hadn't sorted tea he'd stick something in the oven or get some chips, even if he thought I was being a lazy cow he didn't say it he'd just say I know it's hard with the kids.

If there are times he'd had an awful day at work I'd do more.

It should be teamwork not a competition who's got the easiest life.

Original poster
Hidinginthelootoo · 16/08/2018 18:16

Potteringalong... 're licencing will cost the best part of £3k which we don't have. Most of the time I bumble along taking it all like water off a ducks back but I don't know if the middle of summer holiday blues has got me today but I just feel broken...

OP posts:
Original poster
Hidinginthelootoo · 16/08/2018 18:18

Thanks topsyshair, i hope it will get easier,... if i hear 'no' or 'why' or 'mummy' one more time....

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 16/08/2018 18:18

Don't just leave the kids with him all day. One of two things will happen, either he'll hate it, do a shit job, upset the kids and still not respect you 'because it's your job to be better at it' or he'll feed then crap, let them watch TV, sit on his arse and do no jobs and not respect you because of how easy he found it. For one day. He is unlikely to think 'oh my god I've been a total arsehole, dw does a fantastic job which is really hard, I need to change my ways'.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/08/2018 18:18

Has he ever had the DC for a day? Half a day? Just by himself?

Mammyloveswine · 16/08/2018 18:21

Does the 4 year old not go to nursery? He must be due to start school nexr month?

That will help having just the baby. Hubby does need to help out doing tea/bath/bed every other night? Could you do a gym.class certain days so he has no choice?

apriljune12 · 16/08/2018 18:22

Why should she go back to work she is working.

Mate he sounds bloody vile. What about your friends? Surely they would laugh in his face. And I mean his friends too. My dh would be the first to call him a twat.

You need to leave him with the kids for a while and shame him to friends and family.

He doesn’t sound a catch though op. Flowers

apriljune12 · 16/08/2018 18:24

inDubiousBattle

Sadly you are probably spot on there but what’s the other plan?

lowtide · 16/08/2018 18:27

I would go away for a few days and leave him to it. Though he would probably get his mother in

MindBodyChocolate · 16/08/2018 18:30

What phrases should you use? How about ‘I’m exhausted, fed up and can’t do this anymore. I don’t have it easy and your lack of respect for what I do and who I am stinks.’ Don’t pussy foot around this prick - not all men are like this.

Fang2468 · 16/08/2018 18:34

He doesn’t see what you do at home as being equal to his work. Honestly I would go back to work, any work, call centre work (certainly not an east option). Then call him out on it. Every single time. He will need to do 50% of all the housework. That’s true equality.

Badwifey · 16/08/2018 18:35

My Dh comes home about 4pm but he's up at 5.30am every day so he can miss traffic on his commute. He is usually exhausted when he comes home but still gives me a hand. He'll always clean up after dinner if I let him. I don't think storming out and leaving him to do everything for a day is actually the answer could you even ask him if he can bring the kids to the park to play for an hour while you make dinner or something and try get a bit more time to yourself at weekends.

If you would like to go back to work a bank would probably give you a loan for recertification if it means you're guaranteed a job.

DPotter · 16/08/2018 18:36

After 9/11 there were obituaries in the NY Times I think of all those who had died. I read a selection and one particularly moved me. It was written by a husband who had lost his wife; mother of 2 or 3, who worked part time at the WTC. He said the usual stuff about how wonderful she was, how much he and the children loved and would miss her. And then admitted he had been giving her a hard time recently about coming to bed late as h didn't know what she was doing that took such a long time in the kitchen and his last words "And now I do".

AgentJohnson · 16/08/2018 18:40

Oh dear, why the hell do women keep backing themselves into these corners. Stop waiting for him to ‘see’ and start showing him that there’s more to you than being a domestic skivvy. You really have done yourself no favours by having no qualifications and you really do need to think about your future because being financially dependent on someone who doesn’t value you, isn’t smart.

Stop ‘being taken for granted’ as an available option for him.

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2018 18:40

What time does he leave at?

Walking out and leaving the kids with him is shit advice,you need to talk to one another.

Is your older kid not going to nursery or preschool?

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