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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want to buy unisex baby clothes?

134 replies

Cariadxx · 16/08/2018 10:36

DH and I don't want to find out the sex of our baby, partly because we want a surprise and partly because it's just not important to us either way. However the shops selling baby clothes seem to insist that everyone finds out! I can't find any nice unisex stuff ANYWHERE. It's either plain white and boring or is pink and floral or blue with cars. AIBU to think that the shops should have more unisex options? I feel like I'm being forced to find out because people keep telling me they want to buy stuff but can't because they don't know what it is. Angry

OP posts:
Gottokondo · 16/08/2018 13:46

*@Bluelady *
And congratulations on doing it the old fashioned way, I feel really sorry for all those people who miss out on that wonderful surprise at the birth.

Isn't a healthy and alive baby surprise and wonderful enough? I know several people who got to hold their dead or dying baby one minute after birth... I doubt that they regretted making the choice of knowing the sex or not beforehand.

Bluelady · 16/08/2018 13:48

I didn't get o hold my dead baby at all. They didn't believe in it in the 1970s.

UpsyDaisysarmpit · 16/08/2018 13:49

Just buy enough bland stuff - actually the nicest - to keep you going for the first few weeks. And congratulations on doing it the old fashioned way, I feel really sorry for all those people who miss out on that wonderful surprise at the birth.

I know that others have all said it, but please don't be sorry for us finding out. My first baby I found out my baby had died through a scan at 24 weeks. I am very nervous about scans as a result. My subsequent kids, I did choose to find out at the 20 week scan and it was lovely and exciting and took absolutely nothing away.

I agree with the OP though - neutral seems to = boy in some stores. Why can't they have more neutral? I actually had some very bright primary colours from Next before. And Mothercare have had some before.

bridgetreilly · 16/08/2018 13:50

The thing is that you really don't need to buy them a whole wardrobe beforehand. Newborn and 0-3 clothes generally are pretty much white and unisex anyway. You'll have plenty of time to get whatever else you need later, and often people like to give baby clothes too.

Gottokondo · 16/08/2018 13:51

I found my baby clothes from the seventies the other week. They were green and red and orange and yellow and brown etc. I feel that the baby clothes nowadays are less colorful and more boring. Most are either pink, blue or white.

bridgetreilly · 16/08/2018 13:53

I know family and friends are struggling and moaning to us about how we should find out the sex so they can buy stuff

It won't hurt them to wait until after the baby's born to buy stuff.

Gottokondo · 16/08/2018 13:57

@Bluelady

But did you get that surprise what gender it was? How can you write something so arrogant when you claim to have gone through this yourself? So you feel sorry for people who didn't choose tge surprise at birth but you claim to have had a dead child yourself? Tbh I don't believe you, you would be so much more respectful of the wonder of a healthy baby that you wouldn't judge people for finding out the sex beforehand. If that would have happened to you , you would know that that information doesn't matter during the birth. The surprise of what sex it is is so bloody insignificant. You should realise that.

Magpiefeather · 16/08/2018 14:01

I found this frustrating too. Agree with buying quite plain basics especially for the early days! Outfits were a bit of a pain, much easier and more comfy to put baby in babygrows to start with!

Good for neutral clothes I found
M&S
Mamas and papas
Tesco, Morrison’s, Asda, Primark have less choice but do have some neutral stuff

One thing that winds me up as DD gets older is that all the really fun bright coloured properly neutral stuff (eg little bird, frugi, Polarn o pyret if I’ve spelled that right) are really expensive. I wish some of the cheaper brands would cotton on that people do want this kind of thing! Instead I have to dress my DD in far more stereotyped girl or boy clothing (and she does have a mixture of both) because I can’t afford to be picky. Which is fine but it does get tiring that the main budget choices seem to be pink with flowers and unicorns or blue with trucks on. Don’t get me started on slogan tee shirts. They give me the rage.

We have managed by buying bright coloured neutral stuff when we can, always looking in both sections (often buying boys stuff if it’s better or more suitable. Eg in next we got boys dungarees as they were made from more hard wearing material than the ones in the girls section). Also picking up good bundles on eBay. I sew so I make her stuff as and when I can as well.

You could always buy plain white and dye stuff?

Good luck OP and congratulations!

Bluelady · 16/08/2018 14:01

I don't "claim". My son was stillborn at 34 weeks. I'm not judging anyone. I believe my experience would have been significantly worse had I known the gender in advance. It's pretty crass to accuse a stranger of lying about something so traumatic.

overmydeadbody · 16/08/2018 14:31

Cariadxx are you planning on staying your DC in general natural clothes as standard or just until you find out the sex?

If you just want gender neutral then buy things you like from both sections. Flowers and cars, it shouldn't matter. It only matters if, once the baby is here, you are going to stick with gender specific clothes.

Original poster
Cariadxx · 16/08/2018 14:54

No just until we find out the sex but I still wouldn't go for ridiculously OTT stuff. Just would like to not have to correct people when they say he instead of she for example when they are still small and wizened!!
I find most of the unisex bland and plain white which is fine for me washing stuff but I quite fancied a nice outfit for 'going home from the hospital' that wasn't plain white. I know it's silly but it'll be full of ''firsts so a fun unisex baby grow and hat set would be nice. I'm guessing people who want to buy us stuff also don't want to buy plain white.
As I've said, we live on a farm in rural Wales shop unless it's online it's quite tricky to find stuff.

OP posts:
FromNowOn · 16/08/2018 14:57

I got unisex things from Next and even the supermarkets.

Original poster
Cariadxx · 16/08/2018 14:57

Just to add I don't really care whether other people found out or not or why, this thread isn't about one upmanship on finding out the sex.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 16/08/2018 15:02

You are the one who divulged why you didn't want to find out OP? (So you could be "surprised") and then went on to mention you feel forced into finding out due to lack of unisex clothing

So you opened the discourse on it. You could have just said 'We don't know sex' without the explanation!!

Fwiw, every online retailer have unisex baby clothes so they aren't hard to come by but I agree they aren't all that exciting.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 15:05

www.next.co.uk/g67642s3#500841

NelleB · 16/08/2018 15:05

I have 5 weeks left, also a surprise. Haven’t struggled at all. M and S, next, Mothercare and Asda do lots of plain/ non-gender clothing. Also Spanish babywear comes in grey, white and cream, lots of shops on instagram. I also have a variety from Zara. I’ve stuck to white and cream personally but it’s harder if you like colours. I don’t, so it’s been easy.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/08/2018 15:29

Apologies if they have already been mentioned but Newbie have a unisex baby section and their stuff is lovely. Frugli also have a lot of bits and bobs which is unisex and brightly coloured. Both are online.

We didn't find out what Dd was until she arrived and I got a load of white, yellow, cream bits from Sainsburys (Tu currently have a sale on).

M&S also have a lot of neutral stuff. Dd came home from hospital in a teal corduroy dungerees set from there with rabbits on.

Also it's worth checking out craft fairs/asking about local mums who make clothes as they've been my best source of brightly coloured clothes which could be used on either child.

Original poster
Cariadxx · 16/08/2018 15:57

@crunchymum yes i explained why but I didn't ask for everyone's opinion on finding out nor did I ask for stories of still birth or pnd which were irrelevant to the topic. I opened discourse on unisex baby clothes.

OP posts:
Zcarter · 16/08/2018 16:02

I had a baby 7 weeks ago and we didn’t find out what we where having. I also had not problem getting gender neutral stuff asda did nice gray and white sleepsuits. John Lewis and jojo maman Bebe have fab stuff. Also people can buy stuff when the baby is here that’s what my friends and family did. Xx

ethelfleda · 16/08/2018 16:04

It's strange isn't it. Today I am wearing a grey t-shirt and black jeans. No pink flowers (or blue cars!) Anywhere. Why on earth they can't do that with baby clothes I'll never know.
I also hate slogan t-shirts on babies too. We had a boy and I find the boys clothes are much cooler than the girls! I've got him in little chinos and a polo shirt today and he looks adorable (9months old)

ethelfleda · 16/08/2018 16:05

Oh and we had to buy new stuff when he was born anyway (we knew we were having a boy) because he was so little - nothing we got would fit him!
YANBU.

Huggybear16 · 16/08/2018 16:28

It's only one of two options you know. A 'surprise' would be having a baby dinosaur

GrinI actually snort laughed at that

Bluelady · 16/08/2018 16:53

The way this thread was derailed was disgraceful. I can only apologise for rising to the provocation.

LeighaJ · 16/08/2018 17:04

@FormerlyFrikadela01

"You do realise it's still a surprise don't you... you just find it out 20 weeks earlier."

Yeah I've never understood that either, like it was somehow less of a surprise when we found out we were having a girl at 14 weeks rather than when she was born.

Though tbf before I was pregnant I was positive if I ever did get pregnant that we would have a daughter first. So it was just confirming what I already believed. If my feeling that my next successful pregnancy will be twins, 1 boy, 1 girl, comes true, then I'm starting my own psychic network hotline. 😂

SirHubzALot · 16/08/2018 17:10

I feel really sorry for all those people who miss out on that wonderful surprise at the birth.

Haha! Thank goodness for your pity. As I already know the sex of my child it will make the disappointment so much easier for me after the birth.

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