To not want FIL as my GP!

[curlycats]

Had to NC for this as DH knows my usual username.

Before I start off, FIL is a lovely man and nothing is too much trouble. My problem isn't with him, it's with my DH.

I'm pregnant with our first child and FIL just texted me to remember to take my iron tablets. I found this quite weird so texted him back asking if DH had told him about my low hemoglobin count? Turns out DH has showed my maternity notes to FIL several times. I contronted him just now when he got in the door.

My maternity notes - as I am sure they all do - have lots of personal stuff in it; it mentions I've had a miscarriage before I met DH and describes my anxiety attacks etc. I felt so betrayed finding out he'd show all this to FIL without even telling me.

DH is now pissed off because "he only wants the best for the child and that FIL can look out for any potential issues and give advice if needed". Please tell me I am not the one being unfair!

And if this did happen posters think dh is never to I be trusted again? May as well split up then and the old cunt ie her fil who seemingly was duped into reading the notes should be reported to the GMC and never see his grandchild??

I think I telly need a rest from mumsnet and get back to RL. This is tedious

Your DH has majorly crossed a line here and had no right to show anyone your maternity notes. They are private and confidential.
Your FIL is little better for reading them.

Is your DH like this in other ways or is this unusual behaviour?

Your DH is so far over the line with this one I don't even know where to start.

He's behaved so badly, he should be ashamed of himself for showing anyone your notes without your permission.

Your DH is very out of order. He knew he didn't actually have your permission.

Here we go again. Seriously, the troll hunting is getting so dull and boring. If you don't believe a thread, report it. To post that you don't believe something is churlish.

Only on mn!

That is really awful behaviour on your DH's part. He nedds to do a lot of grovelling and prove to you that he respects your bodily autonomy.
I hope your FIL gives him a bollocking now he knows you didn't consent. FIL needs to be a lot more careful in future too.

Obviously he was texting Op about the tablets. She texted back asking WTF and he realised from her reaction that she was in the dark about his involvement and called her immediately rather than continuing the conversation by text. That makes sense to me...?

YANBU op

Your husband and FIL are way out of line. Firstly, your husband had no right to breach your medical confidentiality. Secondly, as a GP (I presume that means General Practitioner, and not Grand Parent), he should know a) it is a crime for him to breach patient/doctor confidentiality - especially as he is not even your doctor, and b) it is unethical for a doctor to be treating family members. That your FIL didn't pull him up and say "I am sorry, I am not allowed to see other patients files without permission as it is a breach of confidentiality" is shocking in itself. Your husband needs to read this thread. Both your husband and FIL are absolutely way out of line and breaching medical laws. Maybe broach it in a way that you are concerned about your FIL getting into trouble with the medical registration board. If you husband said how will they know unless you tell them? Well, how would your FIL have known, unless DH breached your rights to privacy and confidentiality by telling him?

The op and subsequent posts don’t make sense to me.

He told you to take your iron tablets/he then apologises for seeing your notes without your permission?

It went like this, from my reading:

FIL text: Don’t forget your iron
OP: Did DH tell you about my hg levels?
FIL: I saw it when he showed me your notes.
OP: WTAF he what?
FIL freaks out, calls OP: he said you were fine with him sharing them! I’m so sorry!

OP to DH: you shared my notes with your dad without my consent?
OP’s arsehole DH: I just want what’s best for the baby!

OP, your husband is a paternalistic arse who has massively broken your trust. The fact he can’t see it is incredibly grim. At a minimum I’d ban him from all medical information and appointments from now on.

So, your "D"H showed your DFIL your notes, and did so in a manner strongly implying you were more than happy for him to see them. You only discovered this when your DFIL rang up about the iron. Your DFIL was then mortified that this was done without your knowledge/consent. And your "D"H can't see what the fuss is about.

If that's accurate, the problem is with your "D"H, not with your DFIL, who thought he was doing something you wanted. And probably didn't want to be looking at medical notes on his evening off...

Of course you should LTB and go NC with all of them... it’s the mumsnet way 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even if as it seems, your husband lied to your FIL, it is still unethical for him to look through them. I just can't with your husband's behaviour, and being pissed off at you, when you are the only one who has the right to be pissed off. The nerve of him.

You know the DH let the ‘old cunt’ read the notes, so the fault lays entirely with him, not the FIL

It lies with both of them. The DH should not have shared. "She won't mind" is not the same as "she has expressively given permission". And any HCP should know that they have no right to see confidential patient information for anyone other than their own patients. But it says a lot about them as a family that they both have this very lax attitude to privacy.

This is so awful. Both of them are way out of order. My sister is a doctor and has seen my medical notes in my house many times and never once has she picked them up or given them more than a glance even though I know she would in interested to read it. It's just not appropriate at all to look at that unless invited by the person who the notes are about.

The difference between the two of them is that FiL clearly realises (now!) how seriously unprofessional the whole situation is, and that as the medical professional it’s his career on the line. He shouldn’t have read your notes.

I would be absolutely furious with the husband here.

FIL should absolutely have known better than to agree to look at the notes of someone who is not his patient without their explicit consent. He was a fool to take your DH's word for it. And it's unethical for him to be involved in the care of a family member - he shouldn't be texting you advice reminding you about medication.

If FIL accessed them electronically he could be in enormous trouble professionally btw.

However your husband is much worse because he won't even acknowledge he failed to respect a pretty obvious boundary. Don't give him any more access to your notes and don't take him to any medical appointments.

Your FIL may not of known he didn’t have permission but regardless it’s so wrong. Your DH has seriously misplaced judgement on this one.

I’m sure if he asked about iron etc that would be fine as general advice and I would ensure he understands how you feel about this and set boundaries early. It can be a blessing and a curse a doctor in the family.

Hope you’re ok.

I'm a healthcare professional and I think your FIL has made a serious mistake here. He absolutely shouldn't have looked at your notes without your explicit permission. It would have been kind of understandable (though still wrong) if your DH had lied and told FIL that you had said it was OK (rather than making it clear that he hadn't specifically asked but assumed you wouldn't mind).

Your DH has also massively fucked up, although maybe more understandable as presumably unlike FIL he's never had confidentially training. Even so its massively out of order and I'd be really clear that from now on your private medical information is just that. It may be his child but it's still your body and your personal information.

I would be most pissed off about "I only want what's best for the baby" tbh. Did you lose all your human rights when you became a walking incubator for his genetic material? Less of a partnership between adults and more of an owner/baby machine relationship. That statement strongly implies that you don't give a damn about what's best for the baby? That you have to be supervised because otherwise you will stupidly and selfishly deliberately harm your child?

This is absolutely fucking shocking. Your husband is disgusting, they're your personal medical notes, wtf does he think he's playing at?
Your fil should absolutely know better. I'd struggle to move on from this.

Your DH made a mistake, but his heart was in the right place. If FIL is a dr, then it’s natural,that he wants to share the pregnancy with him, and to get advice from him.

I'm actually shocked.

Would your DH like it if you passed his medical records to someone to read without his permission? Perhaps for a future vasectomy? I highly doubt it.

Your DH seriously violated your trust, and your FIL should have known better. He needs your permission, not your husband's.