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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel shit about what happened in bed

77 replies

Leo86 · 15/08/2018 18:12

So my and my DP were having sex one evening. I can't remember clearly of what happened. It happened so fast and I don't know if I am just making a big deal out of it.
My DP was trying to pleasure me orally. I don't always like when he does this but I was up for it. So he was being busy 'downstairs ' and I sort of started moving with the rhythm. It was good but at some point I told him to be careful with his beard then he told me off quite badly (well I feel like that but maybe I am wrong) and sort of made fun of how I was moving and that I was rubbing my lady bits all over his face. This made me feel awful. I was just lying there, naked, felt so vulnerable and I had to try hard to not to cry. We finished sex after this and I tried to stay as still as possible. This is not the first time he told me off in bed and honestly he probably fed up with me not letting him 'lead' in bed but on the other hand I felt like I didn't deserve that. I still think about it and it doesn't feel good but on the other hand I am sure he would have his valid points about the situation or how controlling I can be. I don't know...what do you think ?

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 15/08/2018 19:55

Leo, it simply sounds as if you are sexually incompatible. It also sounds like you're emotionally incompatible, for what it's worth.

Can you imagine sex like this for the rest of your life?

Thanks
TornFromTheInside · 15/08/2018 20:22

Sexually incompatible.
You're sexual and he's not!

MirriVan · 15/08/2018 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

argumentativefeminist · 15/08/2018 20:29

Ask him if he'd like to get eaten out by a bearded individual, I bet he'll say no.

But regardless - you don't sound like you're very compatible sexually to me. The way you describe how he approaches sex makes it seem like a chore with a definite goal in mind, and that isn't pleasurable for you. If you think he'll buck his ideas up if you talk to him, go for it, but I'd be cutting my losses at this point. You deserve to have opportunities to feel good.

MirriVan · 15/08/2018 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Butterymuffin · 15/08/2018 20:31

He doesn't sound like someone you can talk to about what you like and don't like. I don't think you're going to work your way into a good sex life with him.

butterflysugarbaby · 15/08/2018 20:31

Have to say the thought of being 'eaten out' by a man with a beard makes me feel queasy and nauseous! Blush

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 15/08/2018 20:33

I remember being told to "stop wriggling" when he was on top. My response was "do you want to come or what?"

Clearly not.

Bimgy85 · 15/08/2018 20:35

Reminds me of the time years ago when my partner wanted me to be more 'dominant' in bed.. so I tried .. which took a lot of courage, he laughed and got angry at me that I wasn't trying hard enough. Felt so embarrassing and ashamed and horrible. I'm not a very sexual person so the thing doesn't come naturally to me. We're still together but rarely have sex

HelenaDove · 15/08/2018 20:36

A friend of mine got told "shut up im concentrating" when she started moaning in bed.

Bluelady · 15/08/2018 20:37

Oh what a turn on!

Maelstrop · 15/08/2018 20:40

How long you been with this guy? He sounds like a bit of a pita, tbh.

butterflysugarbaby · 15/08/2018 20:40

@Bimgy85

You poor thing. What a nasty experience. I think you are/would be a wonderful lover if you had the right man. Your partner is the problem here, not you sweetie. Flowers

TornFromTheInside · 15/08/2018 20:43

It's never really what he does to her that will turn her on.
It's how he makes her feel when he's doing it.

Pass me the razor, I'll shave the bugger myself.

CSIblonde · 16/08/2018 03:28

If he tells you off he's either into being dominant & you being v submissive or he's insecure & put downs are about that. Or perhaps it's both? You know him best.

Men can take it personally if you say you don't enjoy something mid sex. I've found the best results are after a conversation about likes & dislikes on neutral ground, (not the bedroom) + wine. Most men react well & take mental notes: then it's win win. Wish I'd done this approach years ago.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 22:30

Definitely the way to go CSI - saying what you do like with milder hints about what you don't. Most men's ears will prick up and they'll absorb the information - secretly kidding themselves we aren't having the info planted in our heads!
If he doesn't listen to what turns her on, he's a) Selfish b) an Idiot and c) missing out on so much.

Notmany · 16/08/2018 22:44

Lot of beard hate on here. I like them personally. I also think the OP's DP has more serious issues than facial hair.

Novasglow · 16/08/2018 22:49

You were in a totally vulnerable position and warned him about the beard, I'm not a fan myself so totally get where you're (not) coming from.
Absolutely not on for him to shame you for trying to get into it as best you could.
I'd return the 'favour' with added teeth.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 22:54

It's not about the beard. In this instance, the beard was the issue, but it's about his intent and attitude. It could just have easily been about him sticking a finger where she didn't want it, or who is on top etc.

Of course there's got to be give and take in pleasure - but if someone is starting to feel uncomfortable and they tell you, you have to stop and find something that is comfortable.

He was told something was starting to become uncomfortable and instead of 'oops sorry' and changing his style, or doing something else to please her, he took umbridge and acted like a big kid.

It's so not about the beard.

CSIblonde · 16/08/2018 23:30

Torn
Good to know. Only downside is when you find out their prefs & don't want to 'research' any further!
Notmany
Agree re OP's partner, they need to talk. But beards are the work of Satan - unless you're Blake Shelton. So glad I'm finally not alone in disliking them.

TornFromTheInside · 16/08/2018 23:39

People change too - you can't rest on your laurels. What someone liked last night, they might not tomorrow, and a couple of years down the line, they definitely might be open to some new ideas.

Lilymossflower · 16/08/2018 23:48

poor you that sounds awful! he sounds like a bastard ! get rid of him!

thats my perspective anyway !!!

eff off any man who makes a woman feel like she is not good enough when she gives him her body and soul !

mutters more insults than i can think of

Highheels1 · 17/08/2018 00:24

You sound really confused. It’s obv your right not to have him go down there (or stop) if it’s uncomfortable, but you state that it was “good” and that your body was reacting well.. so curious why mention his beard at all? Not exactly erotic. Was it a cautionary statement? Either way.. dare I say.. sounds like an (unnecessary?) passion killer.
You say you want “really good sex” but it takes 2 to tango. If his beard was an issue then just flip him over and sit on his face where u can control the pressure or something? Lol Wink
He was at least TRYING to please you and probably WAS really getting off on you physically responding, it may be that your comment re the beard would have been perhaps undermining his own analysis of his prowess in the situ I.e. King of Cunnlingus (based on your body movements) then he got paranoid about his beard and was then compelled to draw attention to your “physical movements” as a misplaced retort leading to an overall deeply unsexy situation. The whole thing sounds distinctly unsexy. I think you both need to relax and enjoy each other. Do you like each other? If it was just this one occasion i think you are massively over-thinking. Your later posts give me the impression that you want all the great jungle sex... do you want this with him? Do you actually fancy him? Get the impression that he niggles you and generally doesn’t tick your sexual boxes. If he does and that’s off the mark then just enjoy ticking them together - relax and have fun Smile Good luck! X

LadyLoveYourWhat · 17/08/2018 00:29

It doesn't sound very loving or enjoyable. What are you getting out of this relationship?

TornFromTheInside · 17/08/2018 00:30

It's a beard. You get sore over time. It can start off ok, but eventually it can start to scratch too much.

The same can happen to men. A woman can touch you for some time and it's fine but you can start to get sore eventually.

I think she was getting to the soreness point and mentioned it to him, and he lost the plot.