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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Witnessed a car crash - should I have stopped?

96 replies

MrsMcW · 14/08/2018 18:53

More of a WWYD than AIBU, but...

I was on the motorway today and two cars just ahead of me crashed and went spinning into the barrier. I'm not sure what happened, but car 1 suddenly veered out of its lane and car 2 went into the back of him. The front of car 2 was pretty crumpled, but it looked like the passengers were OK.

I had my 4 month old baby in the car and needed to get home to feed him, so I kept driving. Another car did pull over to help. However, I've since seen on the local news that the motorway was closed for an hour and two people were blue lighted to hospital. I now have a terrible guilty conscience that I ought to have stopped, even with a hungry baby in the back seat.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Talia99 · 14/08/2018 19:36

You were absolutely right not to stop. The advice is that if you do stop on a motorway hard shoulder, you should get out of the car and get as far on the verge as possible.

I can hardly see you wanting to leave your baby on his own on the verge, you couldn’t leave him in the car because it wouldn’t be safe and keeping him with you would also have been very dangerous. You did what any good mother (parent) would do - you prioritised your baby’s safety.

You can always ring up and say you saw what happened if you want to do something to help. If you do end up talking to the police, I’m sure they would say you were right not to stop.

PeppermintPasty · 14/08/2018 19:36

I'm sure when i was learning to drive I was taught that you mustn't stop on a motorway in these circumstances and that if there is a concern you come off at the next exit and report it if appropriate. I wouldn't worry at all.

BG2015 · 14/08/2018 19:38

It's tricky.

A few weeks ago I was driving over a flyover to drop my son off at his job, there was a woman standing on her bag leaning/looking over the bridge down to the road below. I noticed her as she was wearing quite bizarre clothing.

A few minutes later as I went back the same way the woman was beginning to climb onto the bridge. I realised she was going to potentially jump. There were cars behind me and it's an awkward place to stop. I carried on driving and saw 3 people walking towards her so continued on my journey.

An hour later I found out from local news that the police were in attendance and the road had been blocked.

I thought about her all afternoon and felt guilty for not stopping. But I figured others were in a better position to help her/call for help.

GlitterRollerSkate · 14/08/2018 19:39

I wouldn't have stopped with a 4 month old in the car. If you had got out you would be leaving a baby in a stationary car on a motorway which is a really bad idea. If you feel like you could be a witness ring 101 and make yourself known. They'll decide if they want to talk to you at a later date.

GailTheGoldfish · 14/08/2018 19:39

I recently called 101 and reported some dangerous driving after I had arrived where I was going. The operator said that if you are not currently in the situation or at the scene of the incident they prefer you to report it online through the force’s website. I’m sure it’s different in different places/different forces but they may ask you to do it that way.

Benandhollysmum · 14/08/2018 19:39

If you were driving at the national speed on motorway it would have been dangerous for you to stop, do you kno first aid? If not then what use would u be? you’d just be putting yourself and your baby at risk by stopping anyway.and where would baby go when you were dealing with those in crashed cars? in a car seat on the verge? ..though you are a witness as you saw it you go to police and tell them what you saw and explain what you saw

Remember on roads your safety comes first..your a driver you ought to kno that???
Don’t feel guilty, there is nothing you could of done

Piffpaffpoff · 14/08/2018 19:46

I witnessed a road rage incident on Sunday and I phoned the police 101 no. when I got home and just said ‘I saw this, the car reg was this, here’s what happened, if the victim reports it I’m happy to be a witness if needed.’ They said they’d phone me back if they needed to speak to me. Perhaps you could do that?

I wouldn’t have stopped on the motorway either so don’t beat yourself up about that.

KindergartenKop · 14/08/2018 19:47

Don't stop with a baby, it's dangerous to stop.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 14/08/2018 19:49

I had a similar situation a few years ago now and have questioned my actions ever since even though I know I did the right thing.

Driving my kids to school one morning I saw a car on its side in a field and someone inside was trying to open the door. I dithered but didn't stop in the end because:

a. I had 2 young kids with me
b. I didn't have a mobile phone at the time
c. I wasn't a trained first aider so could offer no help

Thankfully a couple of cars behind me stopped.

PurpleWithRed · 14/08/2018 19:53

Absolutely do not stop, babies in the car or not; drive on, stop where safe (services, different road) and report then, or use hands free if able to do so safely. The hard shoulder is a very dangerous place to be and you just become another responsibility for the emergency services without being able to do anything useful to help.

Sobering thought but the roadside rescue companies lose staff every year on the hard shoulder from people ploughing into them.

eightfacesofthemoon · 14/08/2018 19:54

If you couldn’t help if you stopped then you did the right thing.
I was involved in something similar. Car swerved, other car reacted and flipped over 3 times and crashed into the verge. We stopped. But we were a young couple, it was ok in the end. The car that went over was some kid from uni with so much stuff packed in it stopped the roof crushing them to death! Never had I been so glad to see so much stuff packed into a tiny car!!
(It wasn’t their fault)
But we couldn’t have stopped with a child!

NormHonal · 14/08/2018 19:56

It happened to me when I was driving alone. I was just before the services so pulled in to them and called the police. They took my details as a witness but I never heard anything. You did the right thing.

Eliza9917 · 14/08/2018 19:57

The hard shoulder of the motorway is one of the most dangerous places ever. I wouldn't have stopped and left my baby in the car there.

Someone else stopped and there is usually CCTV so the accident would have been spotted. Or the ppl that were ok could have called 999, or passengers in other cars passing.

Unless you are a Dr or Nurse, what could you have realistically done?

I wouldn't feel guilty.

AdmiralJaneway · 14/08/2018 20:02

I had a similar experience about 8 years ago (before my baby!) where a car spun out of control and veered across the motorway to end up facing the other way in the fast lane - I kept going so not to block the lane I was in. But when I got to work I called it in and the police already knew about it! They were fine with me leaving the scene and were in fact quite insistent in checking (verbally) that I was ok having seen the incident.

So - I’d say you did the right thing.

Astrid2 · 14/08/2018 20:12

I've had 2 incidences while with my baby. One was a man collapsing in Tesco, was already a few people around him, the other was a man trying to stop his rolling car and falling over.

I couldn't have done anything to help with a baby in tow especially a hungry one. There will have been plenty of people to help. Don't worry. What could you have really done anyway?

Goth237 · 14/08/2018 22:09

You shouldn't have stopped. What you should have done was called the police and an ambulance. And, regarding what PP's were saying about m=you saw someone else stop that sounds as though you only saw that by chance and luck.

joinUsAgain · 15/08/2018 01:50

I can't believe you didn't stop and that other posters are telling you that you did the right thing.

Would you like someone to stop if you're in an accident? You could have done so safely (using other cars as a barrier) and potentially saved a life. You child would have been fine in the car for a minute or two.

I'm quite shocked that you could be so selfish.

You probably should contact the police but I'd be ashamed to tell them what happened.

I lived in a wonderful country where you'd have broken the law.

kayaking · 15/08/2018 02:15

Join you are being ridiculous, the OP did the right thing and she obeyed the laws of this country. If she had stopped her child could have easily have been injured. How dare you call her selfish!
The law in your country is stupid.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 04:47

No way would I have stopped on a motorway with a baby either OP.

Absolutely call the police. Then you have done your bit.

GoatWithACoat · 15/08/2018 04:49

Selfish? Yeah making the safety and well being of her baby priority is totally selfish Hmm

Ignore the idiot OP Flowers

FrenchFancie · 15/08/2018 06:07

I don’t think it’s fair to call Join an idiot, plenty of countries have Good Samaritan laws which make it an offence not to stop, and I doubt thier motorways are significantly more safe than in the UK.
Honestly I would have stopped, I would have positioned my car in a way to be safe and at least carried out an initial assessment of casualties for the ambulance service control room. But I am first aid trained to quite a high level (used to volunteer with a first aid charity and work on ambulances, but not a paramedic. Am confident I would be able to assist until the experts got there).
I think it’s import to learn first aid. I would actually welcome a Good Samaritan law in the uk, it might make more people train in first aid and keep thier skills up to date.
In relation to the OP, it’s too late now to change what you did, and I understand your concern with your baby. But do phone the police and confirm what you saw.

Amanduh · 15/08/2018 06:11

No way, not with a baby in the car.

Longtalljosie · 15/08/2018 06:12

You had less than a second to make a judgement call - you didn’t do anything wrong - but do call the police as a witness.

THEsonofaBITCH · 15/08/2018 06:14

Good Samaritan laws which make it an offence not to stop
Generally (since I don't know every country's laws) that is NOT what the good Samaritan laws say. GS laws say you cannot be sued for rendering aid to the best of your ability if you try to help out. Some GS laws go further and say if you are a trained professional and don't stop you can be found negligent, i.e. if you have a Doctor licence plate on car, or EMT sticker in your car window and are witnessed not to stop.

FrenchFancie · 15/08/2018 06:25

Ok so Good Samaritan wasn’t the best way of phrasing it. Germany has a ‘duty to rescue’ which means that passers by have to stop and render first aid, and they re protected from prosecution if that first aid when given in good faith actually causes harm. Same in France and I think Quebec off the top of my head.