Re dd and school uniform?

[Frouby]

Dd is 14. Going into year 10 in September.

In the may spring bank holiday she said she needed new school skirts. Agreed hers were looking a bit tatty so took her, spent 3 hours traipsing around finding just the right length and bought 4 new skirts.

I also suggested we went bra shopping while we were there and suggested we go up to a C cup as she was looking like she was moving out of a B. She insisted she was still a B cup and her current ones were fine, just a bit worn.

Spent £40 on skirts and £40 on bras.

Said last week we needed to get shoes (hers have worn out) and maybe 3 or 4 school shirts to replace the most worn ones she has.

She has now decided she is a C cup. So just spent another £40 on bras. A multi pack of 3 and a fancier black one. And the she announced that she needs new skirts as well as 2 of hers have 'broken'.

Was the first I have heard of it so asked her to bring them down. It looks like the adjustable elastic strap has been cut through the button holes. So they wont adjust small enough.

This is only on 1 side of each skirt. The other side on each skirt is still perfect.

Have told her I am not replacing them. I did say she could have 1 new skirt so she had 5 so will buy her 1 and then she will have 3.

She has just had an epic flounce. I have explained we are a bit skint at the moment. We got married in May and still paying that off. I am self employed and august has been unexpectedly quiet. Mainly.due to the nicer weather but not something I could plan or budget for as its a new business.

Dh is also self employed as a builder. We have our own company which normally pays me a wage but due to a non payer last year the business has struggled (hence me finding alternative work) which means that there has been less in the pot to pay DH as well.

I have explained all this to dd. She gets £10 a week spending money into her own account which she spends on clothes and make up. That's fair enough as it is her spending money but she went shopping last week and spent about £60 on stuff she didn't need just wanted.

I have 1 bra that fits me at the moment. When it's in the wash I wear one of my ones that don't fit properly and cope with a pokey underwire. I have stuff for sale to try and raise some money to buy a new saddle for dds pony.

Ds starts school in September and I have bought him all plain school uniform from Asda. He has nothing with th3 school logo on as I just can't afford it yet.

We aren't as bad off as some people and we are lucky that it will pick up again in September. We can afford to eat as normal (aldi tho, nothing fancy) and we can afford to spend a bit on day trips down the summer.

But there is no spare money to replace uniform that has probably been worn 6 or 7 times. And I could have done with spending £40 on her school shoes not replacing outgrown underwear that I wanted to get a bigger size in 3 months ago.

So AIBU to ignore the flouncing and stropping and stick to my guns on this one? She is generally a good kid. Works hard at school and does well, isn't usually stroppy and doesnt usually kick off. But when I was her age I had 2 skirts and wore them a couple of times each. Not once and chucked in the wash.

We also have the typical pile of clothes on the bedroom floor so even though she has had either 4 or 5 skirts all last year we still had a couple of mornings when she was hunting around for a clean one. I wash every day so just laziness from her.

yanbu
explain to her that money is tight and sometimes make do and mend is required.

Can you really afford a horse if you are mumsnetting about spending money on a growing child's clothes????

I'd say stick to your guns. She doesn't actually need 4 school skirts. (When I was at school we all had just one - rather fancy design available from a single supplier so no-one was going to buy more than one). I she really feels she needs 4 it's time to teach her how to replace elastic.

You certainly not being unreasonable. Once they started to get a bit more picky on clothes I switched to a monthly allowance (£50) and they bought everything apart from school shoes (they didn't wear uniform from 14). Occasionally I treat them to things but they quickly learned to shop wisely and make things last, primark being their favourite place to shop of course.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable to point out that money is a bit tight at the moment - it sounds as if she has enough school uniform - but she has a horse? Who pays the horse expenses?

Can't you stitch up the elastic or something?

So you buy her stuff when she doesn't need it, but won't when she does? Whats the point of that?

I would be pissed off about the bras but in future insist on her having a proper bra measurement to avoid the £40 waste.

The skirts can possibly be fixed and if that is cheaper than buying new ones, I would be doing that.

I would never expect a 14 year old to spend their pocket money on practical things they need .

Can you not sew, or ask DD to sew, the ends of the elastic to put the skirts back in service?

Bras and shoes are incidentals sadly - she may well have been a B cup 3m ago, but at 15-16, you do tend to have sudden growth spurts.

Also, is there any point in buying School stuff with 3w of Holiday left to run? I'd leave it until later in case she grows further.

As for her spending her own money on stuff she wants - if she's saved for 6w to do so, why shouldn't she? She's clearly been saving her allowance, which is an admirable trait. Unless you've clearly stipulated she is responsible for kitting herself out for school, she's done nothing wrong.

As for you only having one bra, you prioritised your wedding over your own needs, which was your own choice and not relevant to this situation.

Either you want your DD to finance the basics like underwear and uniform (which I personally would not, as she's in full time education) or you accept kids grow and the incumbent expense.

She doesn't need a clean skirt every day, that imo is crazy.
DD has 1 - wear for a week and then wash.

Yes we can really afford a horse. 2 actually.

She hasn't outgrown them. I suspect she has deliberately damaged them.

As I took care to explain in my OP its a temporary cash flow issue we are dealing with and will be over shortly. I budgeted and planned for uniform back in May and in June when I bought DS uniform as I knew money would be tight for a couple of months. We arent on the bread line. We are actually very lucky. I have lived off an awful lot less before. I know how to budget and plan and have enough money coming in to do so.

I have credit cards and an overdraft for any emergencies. Again I am fortunate. But we do have a higher balance than I would like on 1 card (due to getting married which was booked before a company went bankrupt on us) which is on 0% at the moment but will start attracting interest in January so I want that paying off by then.

And the thought of her deliberately damaging uniform to get it replaced makes me feel pretty disgusted.

Have said I am taking them back and asking for a refund. Have told her I have found the reciept in the back of my purse so we can go on thursday and ask for the money back as the elastic has failed .

Appparantly I am embarrassing.

Missed that she was 14. If course she's going to need bigger bras etc. I had two School skirts at that age and it was plenty.

Don't martyr yourself for a pony. If you can't afford necessities and end up begrudging your DD spending her allowance, you can't afford one.

Am I right in thinking it’s buttonhole elastic? So it’s like normal elastic with little slits in? And you pull the elastic to tighten the skirt and hook it onto a button? If so, it’s quite easy to mend - they sell the elastic definitely on eBay and likely in haberdashery shops. It would just need stitching into the right place on the skirts.

m.ebay.co.uk/itm/BUTTON-HOLE-ELASTIC-20mm-CHOICE-OF-BLACK-OR-WHITE-FASTENING-/111328852844?varId=410315140196&_trksid=p2385738.m4383.l4275.c10&_mwBanner=1&_rdt=1

Why would she deliberately damage her uniform? Surely all school skirts are the same, so there's no benefit to that?

Also if you booked a wedding by credit card and the company went bankrupt the credit card company shouldn’t force you to be liable for the debt: you should be protected under s75. This is the case for the entire debt even if you only paid the deposit on the card.

To be clear I dont expect her to fund her own uniform. I was cross about the bras as I had wanted to.measure her before our wedding but she refused as she was definitely a B cup. She was probably a C cup by then anyway.

I didn't prioritise the wedding over my new bras. One was chovelled in the washing machine and the other one that fit me the wire came out and although I did repair it, the wire seems to have twisted and I can't untwist it without unpicking it all so wear it pokey.

I do see a wedding as important actually. It was a small wedding. We didn't have a honeymoon. My dress was from a charity shop. We should have been able to pay for it outright but we lost around 20k in October so its been a bit tight since then.

And although financea are tight now we are not on the breadline and its a temporary situation.

But I really don't want to spend money on uniform because a 14 year old has deliberately damaged newish stuff.

She can manage with 3. I have already said I will buy her new shoes as hers have worn out which happened the last week of term fortunately.

If it was a case of her having outgrown them or worn out I would have replaced them by now. But not just because she wants new stuff to go back to school with. She has worn those skirts about 7 times each. And it's suspicious that we had this conversation last week as well and only now have they mysteriously broken while hung in her wardrobe.

They are currently unwearable by her as they won't go small enough. She would definetly have mentioned it before now as she couldn't cope with 4 wearable ones never mind 2.

I think her old ones are still in the top of her wardrobe. I will cut the elastic out of those and she can sew it into the damaged ones.

Could you exchange the bras you bought previously? Or has she annoyingly worn them before pronouncing them too small?

Why is everyone missing the point that the dd damaged the skirts herself? I'd absolutely refuse to replace them, OP, in fact I'd make her repair them or replace them herself form her own money as a lesson in how money doesn't grow on trees. The bras, well, it's partly your own fault for not insisting she be measured at the time so that one you'll just have to suck up.

I think she is saying one of the clients of either her or husbands businesses went under - it happens one of the vagueries of being self employed

You can buy that elastic no problem but also would be easy to mend even if you are cack handed at sewing - just one stitch where you need the button to be. Or if you have a handy friend or Mum or MIl etc. Sounds like she hasn't got the "right" sort of skirts. My DD has had one up until 3 months ago when i got her two new ones from M&S. But yes I bought one in April and one for Sept - she is 13 and growing.

It sounds like she needs to be educated a bt on creating washing for washings sake, learn how to do it herself and maybe even thinking about getting a Sat Job.

Amber she has 2 skirts in 1 style and 2 in another style. From 2 different shops. 2 were from M and S and 2 from Matalan. Its the 2 M and S ones which are damaged/broken which is why I have said I will take them back as they were £12 each I think.

Thanks for the tips where to find the elastic, will have a measure up if her old skirts aren't there. How will I get to the bit of the skirt to sew the elastic in? Its in a tube with the button exposed. Do I need to unpick the tube?

Or I could possibly sew new button holes onto the damaged elastic. If you imagine the elastic strip with the button holes down the middle, the elastic has all 'broken' all the way down. On both skirts. On one side.

The more I think about it the more I am convinced it has been cut. Its not frayed or tatty. Where the stopper bits should be its just ========= like that. So the button just slides up and down.

And she prefers the Matalan skirts to the M and S ones. And we had a similar incidence last year with her school bag 'breaking'.

I have absolutely no problem buying my dcs what they need and stuff they want too sonetimes. But we have explained twice now why we are being more careful with money this summer. And I don't like her current attitude to money and possessions.

The ponies are budgeted for. They cost less to keep than what people think. And rehoming the ponies would be a bit of an overreaction to a slight cashflow issue that means I refuse to replace stuff unless it's absolutely necessary. It's not just the cost, it's the impact environmentally as well. And she needs to understand that if I say no to something for valid reasons that she just doesn't damage stuff to get it replaced.

The complete madness to me is that your daughter has 5 school skirts(or 3 if some broken) and you only have 1bra that fits?

This has cracked me up, do kids really wear a clean skirt a day? I only had one, possibly a second in case one got dirty or something spilt on it

Having the right size bra at that age is very important

Mine have 1 skirt each (I've brought others and they don't get worn)

She’s 14, not 4. Don’t buy any more skirts, don’t fix her skirts. Get her a needle and thread and if she needs skirts that badly she can fix them.

This post is really odd. Just buy what you can afford. If she moans tough luck. End of.
2 hoarses But 1 bra.