I hate that my house is the "go to" house

[saltybitchface]

My DD age 8 is popular girl with lots of neighbourhood pals. For some reason our home is the go to house. Every fucking day this summer my doorbell is rang before noon by some kid or another wanting to play either in my house with DD or in my back garden. I try and tell DD to go play at the park or go to the other kids back gardens, and sometimes she will, but usually they all return after a short time because they are bored 😑

Sometimes DH is sleeping during the day(shift worker ) and the kids (including my DD) can be too noisy. I also just want to get out of bed and look ugly in my ugly slob clothes and ugly hair and not have to keep and eye on the kids or even the fact that they eat the snacks I've bought for my own kids.

Why the hell don't these kids parents ever think to themselves, "oh you've been at such and such's house a lot this summer, maybe give her mum a break? Or I guess they are just happy that their kid is outside their house and don't care that I don't want your kid in my house every day of the summer hols! 🤯

I generally am of the "I hate unexpected visitors" crowd but for kids I know I don't need to be perfectly dressed or the house doesn't need to be super tidy, but man I some days I just want to sit and slob in front of the tv and I feel I can't relax at all when the door is going and kids coming and going through my house and garden 😭😭

AIBU or would this make you crazy too?

I'm going to go against the grain here, mainly because I'm gathering your DD is an only child, and I also have an only 8yo DD. I bet one of the reasons they like her house is no annoying siblings! But really, it's her summer holidays and if she's happy having them around then I say go for it. Your need to wear ugly clothes and watch Netflix doesn't trymp that, and anyway, why can't you do that while they're there?

Your DH working shifts is a different thing and if he feels he's being disturbed then that must be dealt with firmly.

I don't know, if be pretty chuffed if DD's friends were knocking on the door. As it is, it's just me and her most of the time. But I'm still dressed (scruffily) and not watching Netflix!

I feel your pain OP. And I hate to say this, but I feel you are being used.

I used to get kids calling all the time at our house (for our 'also outgoing' only daughter,) and the kids often had 2-4 siblings, and claimed that they loved coming to ours, as it was quiet and calm and not chaotic and noisy like their homes.

They also ate us out of house and home, and on the rare occasion our daughter went to theirs, she would get feck-all from anyone. Not even a biscuit, or a glass of water.

When it got to the point where the kids were turning up randomly (without being invited) and staying for 5-6 hours, and when parents started to offload their kids (without even asking us) and going off out for the day or evening (and were uncontactable,) we put a stop to it, and said no to everyone for about 6 months. We said to our daughter 'if you wanna play with these kids, go to the park, or to THEIR houses!'

Oddly, our daughter was never asked to anyone's house after that, even though we babysat about a dozen kids in the neighbourhood, quite regularly, for about 5 years, and fed them too!

Yeah, you have to put a stop to it @saltybitchface As a few posters have said, use your nightshift DH as an excuse. Looking back, we were actually badly used for a few years.

It sounds as if your dd needs to be proactive and knock on someone else’s door first. The plan would then be to work out whose house she can hang out at for the day. Would that work?

My DD used to spend an equal amount of time at ours and 3 other friends. Suddenly they always seemed to be around ours all the time. It turns out ' I made the best hot chocolate ever!' It really didn't bother me, I love it that my now teen feels comfortable to bring all and sundry back to ours, even though we probably have the smallest house of all her peers.

Send DD to her friends to play.

Why does she stay at home and wait for callers?

There were loads of kids on my street growing up. No one was ever allowed inside each others' houses. I first saw the insides of my best 'home' friends' houses when I was 13!

Regarding DH sleeping, he could sleep through a bomb, and although I do tend keep things quieter on the days he's home sleeping. However, I am going to use DH sleeping as a reason to say no on some days. I will speak to DD tonight and make her understand that mum doesn't always want kids in the house.

DD isn't an only child, she has a teenage brother but he doesn't bother her very much and is busy with his own life/gaming/pals.
DD is extremely outgoing and I never had this problem with DS when he was younger.

Genuinely thanks for all the helpful replies. I will absolutely need to be more assertive and just say no sometimes.
As I write this, I currently have one of DD's pals over and I did infact tell them they must stay outside today.

Oh and Tinkobell that's the problem with me, I am nice and friendly but have a bad case of bitch face lol 😂

So, for all intents and purposes she is an only child as she has no playmate at home in the family.

Are you a teacher, by any chance?

River no I am not a teacher, but I do work term time. I think I have been taken advantage of to some degree as their parents might think I am home anyways so I may as well have their kid over too.

Just tell the girls when they knock that they can't come in as you "DD's dad is sleeping" but that she can come to their home instead.

That would make me really quite annoyed and I would put a stop to it by making sure there is no access to the back from the front (locked gate) unless your house is a terrace, in which case, great! I would close curtains at the front of the house and install some kind of system where you can see who’s ringing the bell. You might be fortunate enough to be able to see from upstairs or another window or have a spy hole, but if not, I’d get one of those doorbell cameras.

People have no concept of privacy or responsibility. Nobody is going to care if you look after their kid and give them snacks every day, rather than the load being shared. They will just take what they can get.

Just had my first experience of kids round...wow!!
Ds has never been a popular kid but has made friends on the street recently. They’ve all been round for the past hour and wow they can make some noise and mess!
I don’t know how some of you cope if yours is the go to house. I didn’t dare leave the room!

I find it's much harder to get rid of kids that just wander in than ones who have been invited. Especially if you have no idea where the parents are or who the parents are or who the kid is.

You need to appear much grumpier to them.

Just say - you can play together but not here, as dad's sleeping and it gets too noisy. Play in the streeet/p[ark/someone else's garden today.

Or get DD up and out to knock on someone else's door before they knock for her.

You say you want her to be popular

Well, this is the price to pay

I love being the go to house. I buy extra treats to go round. We are both shift workers too. I just turn the doorbell off if we are on nights. I'm also happy to say no if i need to. But I also love seeing the kids playing and enjoying themselves.

On the days when you want ugly slob time, tell dd that "today is an ugly slob day" so no mates over and she plays elsewhere or on her own at home.

Don't make a set day. Do it when you feel like it.

Warn dd; I suspect she'll love the idea of an Ugly Slob Day! Great name - she can tell her friends, and they'll tell their mums (who will also think it's great, and maybe follow your example).

It's horrible when its one house all the time, while I'm glad your dd has friends its not fair on you and OH as he needs his sleep after shifts and random kids all over the place leave no room for privacy.

In summer holidays where I grew up, there were roughly 10 houses within a mile radius with all of us kids within a couple of years of each other,

the parents (99% mums) organised among themselves that between the houses each one would give us a day where that was our "base",

we were chased out to play but if it was wet, we could be sent out to play in a shed or barn, there were board games and other quietish stuff to do. We got lunch and tea there before going home and each house knew that their kid/kids got fed on the other days and if you didn't like something and turned your nose up, you didn't get offered something else.

If came into a house complaining of being hungry, we had to drink a large glass of water - no dilute - and let it settle for about 20 mins, in most cases hunger went away and we carried on playing because lunch was usually around 1/2pm and tea time would generally be anytime from 5/6,30pm and we were sent home around 7 pm in the summer whether we liked it or not. Also, didn't dare turn up until after 10am as people had things to do and didn't want kids observing, lol

It meant in the fortnight that 10 days were roughly marked out for playing with friends and everyone had a turn at watching and feeding the animals literally with 4 days for time with your family,

As kids, we used to plan what to do each day depending on where we were with a hot / wet plan. Useful skills.

If any child should dare go into a house and utter the words "I'm bored", the mum would put them to work, washing up, sweeping floors, hoovering, dusting, changing beds, folding laundry etc and helping to get meals ready on the day if it was wet out.

Slave labour was encouraged and we all got useful skills from it as was being swiped on the back of the legs with a dishcloth if we backchatted

Our house is the play house, I always have at least one random child over.
I have 3 kids who are similar ages so it’s not so bad but some days we have outside days only. The kids can play in the garden or on the street but they can’t play inside the house, I also never feed them, I supply squash/water but if they get hungry they need to bugger off home.
It’s fairly reciprocated though and my kids end up at a neighbours house quite often and they will flit between ours and theirs, the mum has the same rule, they need to come home for food and they need to leave when asked.

Ok, the reason I asked is to find out if this is your holiday too - which it is. So I think you and your DD can come to an arrangement about what days your door is open to the neighbourhood kids. But don’t lie about why - your DH doesn’t care, your DS doesn’t care, your DD presumably is happy so own that it’s you who wants fewer visitors - that’s nothing wrong with that if this is your break too.

Do you know any of the other parents? Could you do as a PP said and split the load a bit more evenly?

But I would still love it if this was us!

Tbh unless it's pissing down I'd tell the buggers to clear off out and get some sunshine and fresh air. 1 day a week friends can come round. End of. I'm a mean old hag.

I get this too-I do feel as though it is always our house the neighbourhood Children come to the most! That is simply because I say yes and let them in,sometimes 3 or more.
A certain Child kept turning up and son NEVER went to his house-If I sent them there they would always turn back up saying "Xs Mum said no!"
This all reached a head when he came to play(dropped off by Dad who did not wait around)and after playing for an hour or so told me his Dad and Mum were out and wouldn't be back until 7pm!!!!
When Dad came to collect him from ours at 8pm, there was not even a mention of Thanks!
So! I told Son no more! Even told the child that this was the last time-He has not been back since!?!
Be firm.

If my dh was working nights then no way would I allow kids in