I hate that my house is the "go to" house

[saltybitchface]

My DD age 8 is popular girl with lots of neighbourhood pals. For some reason our home is the go to house. Every fucking day this summer my doorbell is rang before noon by some kid or another wanting to play either in my house with DD or in my back garden. I try and tell DD to go play at the park or go to the other kids back gardens, and sometimes she will, but usually they all return after a short time because they are bored 😑

Sometimes DH is sleeping during the day(shift worker ) and the kids (including my DD) can be too noisy. I also just want to get out of bed and look ugly in my ugly slob clothes and ugly hair and not have to keep and eye on the kids or even the fact that they eat the snacks I've bought for my own kids.

Why the hell don't these kids parents ever think to themselves, "oh you've been at such and such's house a lot this summer, maybe give her mum a break? Or I guess they are just happy that their kid is outside their house and don't care that I don't want your kid in my house every day of the summer hols! 🤯

I generally am of the "I hate unexpected visitors" crowd but for kids I know I don't need to be perfectly dressed or the house doesn't need to be super tidy, but man I some days I just want to sit and slob in front of the tv and I feel I can't relax at all when the door is going and kids coming and going through my house and garden 😭😭

AIBU or would this make you crazy too?

I think you're in danger of teaching your dd to be too accommodating. Definitely limit it tell them they have to play in the front garden. It may force them to move along to another house. All these parents are getting free child care from you really.

Sometimes DH is sleeping during the day(shift worker ) and the kids (including my DD) can be too noisy.

Your prioritising kids play over DH's sleep which is really unfair to him

or even the fact that they eat the snacks I've bought for my own kids.

Again with the over-accommodating. Do they help themselves? Or does DD ask on their behalf?

Shockers omg 😂 yes us mums really do need ugly slob time! I really thought I was going to be flamed for wanting to turn away kids because I needed to relax in ugly clothes watching Netflix lol I'm happy to learn others feel the same!

Tell the parents your husband needs to sleep so no knocking. They can come over one or two days a week. Your daughter will cope with it.

it seems absurd that not one of the other girls' parents have thought to themselves

Or they just think the kids are at the park and not in anyones house.

Just tell the kids to bog off, and stop disturbing the sleeping person.

In general, I would think it's great that your DD and friends are happy at your house and you have the advantage of knowing where she is. However, if your DH is working shifts that is entirely different. When he's trying to sleep, it's not fair on him to have a house full of loud kids. Then you have a very justifiable reason for not letting anyone in and your DD needs to understand that.

Mum’s ‘ugly time’ I love this

OP maybe the other kids' parents think you like having extra kids around, I remember when DSD had her friends round there was a lot less bickering with siblings so the house was (relatively speaking) lovely and quiet!

If your DD remembers you allowed her friends round more often than not she's not going to resent you when she's older for not having them round every day.

The fact that your DH does shifts gives you the perfect excuse!

When the children come knocking just say "DD would love to play but you'll have to go elsewhere as her Dad is asleep as he's been working all night"

I have five children so often have many children/ young adults here some days. I have told my older children's closest friends to just knock and walk in as it is easier than opening the door when they come back and forth.

It doesn't bother me but I understand why it would bother you OP. My house is just manic most of the time when they aren't at school. If I have done a night shift or about to do one then I do except quiet and no company.

You have to say no especially when your OH is asleep. I know you cant tiptoe around the house but you do have to make allowances for shift workers.

My neighbours wouldn't let their DD come over if they saw our bedroom curtains shut as they knew OH was asleep.

We were like this a bit... and it got worse when they were teens. However, it hit home one day with reference to a girl local in the village who was round here all the time. (Her mother was ultra fussy house wise and I think didn't like a mess). I put up with it because they go on OK then....

I can't remember the exact circs, but I think I was due to pick up my DD and car broke down or something, and DD managed to get back to our house but couldn't get in so I told her to go round to this girl's house and wait and I was on my way. DD had texted the girl and she said it was OK.

The mother didn't even let my DD in. She had to wait in the garden and it started to rain.

It all changed from that moment on!

This was my house when I was a child, and was my house again when my kids were of playing age. There must be something about me.

You really aren't doing your daughter any favors by not saying no to her. Life is full of rules and disappointment, and it's high time she learns to deal with it. The first rule to enact is a "no visitors" sign for the neighbourhood kids. When that sign is on the door, they are not to disturb your family. If they do, you will be forced to tell their parents. Don't be steamrolled in your own house.

You really do just have to say no. I did, or it would never have stopped. If DD gets upset then she just has to learn that she simply can't have everything her own way.

Your DH needs his sleep too, so put your foot down and tell them that this can't carry on. Tell them that DD could come over and knock for them later.

As for eating your food!! NO! Just no. Tell DD that the food you buy is for your own family. You presumably aren't in the habit of shopping for the whole neighbourhood. She really should be able to understand that at 8. Police it yourself though too, as some kids of that age can be very persistent and lacking in boundaries.

I remember once telling one of DD2's acquaintances (won't call her a friend, she turned out not to be quite a bully) that it was time to leave because we were about to have dinner. The cheeky bugger said that she would just sit in the corner of the room while we ate. I simply replied "No, it is time to go now. You need to leave". She did, and didn't come back. DD2 was relieved about that as she didn't like this girl anyway. They were 10 and 11 at the time.

I went through all this when my doses dd until she was about 7ish same thing always in my house always having dinner at mine always letting her invite a friend on day trips never the other way around once she turned 7 is had enough now my girls get two days a week they are allowed to play with friends in the house & one day a week a friend can come for dinner, I also got a plan ready for when eldest dd hits her teens 1 night over weekend a week a friend can sleep over, eldest dd is now 10 & hardly ever goes to anyone else house or gets invited etc I feel sad that most parents around here just leave they kids to it out of the house all day everyday playing in the street but I refuse to be some sort of free babysitter fo r them, also if your dh is in bed i think that's really unacceptable to me and not fair on him either

I do 'ugly slob time' anyway, on the rare occasion I have random youths stopping over.

If you really go hard on the ugly slobbing, you might find it acts as a deterrent

It isn’t fair on your dp. Your dd will still be just as popular don’t worry. Agree the days dp is working are quiet days and then dispatch children kindly but firmly. You know when my father worked nights there was no way we were allowed friends over

Shockers .

There's no way I would let other peoples kids in the house if I had a Nightshift worker sleeping. When I was growing up it was a big no to that from all my friends parents also.

Tell them they have to play elsewhere

To be fair; not that you need an excuse because "No" is enough but the fact that your DH works shift is more than enough. Growing up my dad worked in a similar role and my siblings and I respected the fact that he needed rest. Oddly enough we would even (re)schedule our bickering and arguing to when he was either at work or awake so that we didn't disturb him

Just no you can’t come in.

My Dh did shift work for a number of years as did my dad and they both said you can’t expect people to be quite just because we chose to do shift work.

I can understand not letting them in your home when your Dh is on shifts, but outside I don’t see a problem, we use to regularly have half the neighbourhoods children in our garden to play, but that’s where they stayed no coming indoors.

Oh @saltybitchface....I don't get it, your username sounds so hostile, clearly you're not trying hard enough! 😁 Try adopting a welcome like Shirl from Eastenders, that's what I do and nobody ever drops in here! 😂

My house was like this when my DC's were growing up. Always seem to have a few extras in the house. Never really bothered me as the DC's got older i was always the one collecting from different events parties etc. Again never bothered me i was happy to do the collecting from the parties usually with an extra DC to drop off on the way or to stay at ours. I was happy as i knew my DC's would be safe and not getting lifts to and from anywhere with any random drivers or could've been drinking or whatever. We lived rural town so driving to and from was usually a necessity. Might add never got a thanks from other parents though and often wondered how they thought their young teen DC's were getting home after a night out as they really didn't seem bothered. Some i never even met. Odd really. I would say no though if it bothers you. I work shifts so get the need for your DH to sleep. That was my one thing no friends in on the days i was working nights ( worked pretty well over all).

We used our daughter's teacher to countersign for her passport.

Oh crap. Wrong thread. Sorry!

My house is like that too. I usually have at least 4 or 5 ids here and I work from home too! One boy lives in a tiny house with 6 siblings including a newborn. He stays over at least twice a week, I feed him (a lot) etc and not once has the mother ever sent me a text to say thanks. But he's sweet so I don't mind, not his fault his mum is so rude!

But I do know if I needed some peace I could say, "Would you mind going off to the park or something, as I need a bit of quiet time", and they all would.