I've been with my husband for 11 years (married for 4) we have 2 boys (8 and 9) My husband works from about 7am till 5pm the goes straight to the pub till 10pm - he does also work evenings so sometimes he won't get to the pub till 8pm. He says has to stay out late to put the animals in (chickens, pigs and sheep) so he doesn't want to come home and have to go back out. He told me last week he knew he didn't spend enough time with the boys but he can't take them out together as they fight so he doesn't bother. We very rarely go out, either as a couple or as a family as he works 7 days a week. We have had 3 holidays in 11 years. Our house is always a mess ( I am no housewife) and I don't blame him for not wanting to be here. I do everything for the boys - after school activities - as he is always working. If I ever want to go out I have to tell him in advance and he will say 'if I'm home'. He will always come home but if I am due out at 8 he comes home at 7.59pm. We never have enough money for anything but I can't get an evening job as he's always out. When he comes home he will ask me what I've done all day and if I've been out with the dogs he complains that the house is a mess. If I've cleaned the house he complains the dogs haven't been out. If he ever comes home early I'll say I'm going to the pub because I never see my friends and I don't know when he will be home again. This also causes a row as he says there's no point in him coming home as I just go out.
I know I sound like a complete push over. ( by the way I'm not the best wife, mother, cleaner in the world, I have many many faults of my own ) the boys are hard work and really need a male influence. I have no idea how to make this better. Please help