Trying to calm down about needing to take a shortened mat leave

[HJE17]

I’m the higher earner in my family by quite a bit. Our DD is one year old now. For her, I got 4 months paid leave from work, and then took another 4 months unpaid. I then went back to work when she was 8 months and my husband took over parental leave instead. Just found out I’m pregnant again, which I’m 95% really excited about... however, we haven’t had time to build back up our savings. When we have the baby, I’ll probably need to go back to work at around the 6th month mark. It’s making me feel a bit sad and anxious, particularly as it’s hard to continue breastfeeding in my job (variety of factors, including highly unpredictable schedule). I guess I just need some reassurance to be able to feel 100% on board with this pregnancy. Any stories of people who have gone back to work early and the kid’s been fine? Any stories of people who have gone back early and LOVED it?

My husband’s mum went back to work when he was 6 weeks old and he’s absolutely fine, has a good relationship with them etc. (Possibly a bit too much in the past, but thought I’d mention it anyway!) Both parents were nurses, one worked nights, the other days, they met up in the car park to hand over the children.

I went back after four months with my first child and 7 months with the second ..... my kids are fine, which they wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t gone back to work so we could continue to pay the mortgage

They’ll be fine OP

Went back after 7 months and husband took over. Demanding job too, long days, lots of time away but still breastfeeding at 11 months despite all of that. I'm lucky though as work is 5 mins drive away and I go home for lunch nearly ever day(when I'm not away). Did similar with other dds and it did them no harm.

I went back at 5 months with no.1 and he is now 14 and painfully well adjusted 😂😂

I was keen to get back. It was driving me mad.

DS I took 6 months off completely, then worked on average a day a week for the remain8ng 6 months of maternity leave (only 6 months paid then, and no KIT days)

DD1, 6 months off completely, then 3 months of 3days per week.

DD2 4 months off as couldn’t afford to be off on SMP for any longer

I'm going back soon and DS will be 5months and I can't wait! I'm going crazy at home

In the late 90s maternity leave was only 18 weeks, children survived!

These very long mat leaves are a very recent phenomenon

DD I took six months off as back then you didn't get as much leave as now. DS was shorter, about 4 months as I became a single parent 3 weeks before his birth and dick head Ex would pay maintenance until court ordered so I had no choice

I think personally it made no difference to my bond with either child but then Only got a short time with both so knew no different

I went back full time at 7 months with my first, 5 months with my second. Both absolutely fine, happy boys, they didn’t care! I felt happier leaving them with a childminder than nursery at that age. They’ve had great relationships with their childminder which really helps.

Mat leave was only 6 months when I had DS. He was fine when I went back to work when he was 5.5 months old.
Of the 4 people I work with that have recently had babies, 2 have come back after 6 months, one has taken 9 months mat leave and has taken a full year.

RIGHT?! Thanks for the pep talk everyone. Really helps. I just got sick of the raised eyebrows I got from some people last time I went back at 8 months, and wondering if it will be worse at 6. But you’re right. The kids will be fine... all the more so for having a roof over their heads and a mummy who likes her work and isn’t going stir crazy at home!

I went back after 4 months with both my DDs.

I was soooooo apprehensive with DD1 but ultimately I LOVED being back. Seriously, I got to have a shower every morning and have an uninterrupted coffee at 11 and set my own agenda and pee when I needed to and people would do the things that I asked them too without lengthy preamble and negotiation. And I could use a different part of my brain and have grown-up conversations with grown-ups. It made me way more enthusiastic about being “mummy” when I got home too. Like I had more of myself to give to them.

I was working PT admittedly, so I had evenings with DDs, and that meant only having to pump once at work and once in the evening initially, but once we hit weaning I’d substitute a feed for youghurt or fruit purée and life was easier. DD1 was BF till nearly 2 and DD2 is now 2 and no sign of her giving up. They tended to feed more in the evening when I was working to make up for lost time during the earlier part of the day.

I now absolutely know I would not be a good stay at home parent. I mean I’d be fine, but I’m better being both Mum and Out-of-Home working Red.

It’ll be fine. Better than fine.

With my first I had 8 months off and to be honest wish I hadn't as we then struggled financially for years after :( With my second I had 4 months off and felt better financially (even tho childcare is a pain!). I am currently pregnant with my 3rd child and hoping to have 6 months off (I am a teacher so will go back late July to get paid over Summer too). I was lucky as being a teacher I have the weekends and holidays- but I know my children are well looked after and my boys have never moaned that I went back to work early as they don't remember hehe!! xx
Don't worry! Try not to stress- enjoy the time you have and just get into a routine xxxx

If you are still breastfeeding your employer should enable you to be able to do this (although appreciate it may be more tricky than it appears at first if the role is demanding)

My DS's are happy well balanced young men. The longest ML available to anyone was six months when they were born.

When my dc were born, you only got 3 months leave.
My dc, and all their peers (well, anecdotally, probably not all the dc in the country ) are just fine.

I went back at 7 months, maternity leave wasn't as long as it is now so I took the max allowed at the time. I was sad, but we were all fine. I thought you were going to say you'd got to go back at 12 weeks or something.

I had 4.5 months off with ds, and it worked out great - he settled into nursery so easily and I picked up work again without issues.

6 months was normal when dd1 was born. In some ways its an easier age for separation than 9 months or 12 months, when they tend to be more unsettled by it. I’m guessing either mixed feeding or expressing the next days milk at work and breastfeeding at night will work fine.

I find SMP incredibly unfair. I think maternity pay should be means tested. Otherwise it can make it almost impossible to afford a baby.

Maternity leave was 18 weeks when I had mine. I went back to work at 5, 7 and 10 months respectively. I don't think any of them remember :)

Also, I breastfed for 12 months x 2, and 22 months for my youngest. You just adapt to feeding morning/night and you can express for them to drink from a sippy cup during the day.

I went back to work at six months, and was flying so funny hours, unpredictable home times. That was with both my daughter's.
They are very independent, social and we are very close. No issues and I never gave it a second thought. And congratulations!

Went back very early by modern standards:

DC1 6 weeks
DC2 3 months
DC3 4 weeks

All 3 DCs are now adult and seem fine!

I once worked with someone who went back to work after 2 weeks!

When dd1 was a baby we only got 6 months maternity pay. I went back to work when she was 5 months. I have to say I didn't love it, I always wanted to be a sah parent while the kids were tiny, but we survived and she is now in her teens and no worse for the experience. I was only part time though back then.